Ok, so me and my ex broke up about a year and 2 months ago. She initially broke up with me, I didn’t talk to her for a week, then she wanted to get back together. And we did. Then about another week goes by and I just feel like she’s playing games, so I dump her, but at this point it’s kind of mutual. She blocks me from all social media and changes her number. 3 months later(drunk)I message her telling her I was sorry about how things were. And she pretty much replied that she forgave me but don’t talk to her. And I didn’t. Flash forward to now,9 months since I last said anything to her, several months since I really thought about her. I have a co-worker that says she ran into her and she was asking about me… you see, I like tinder, it’s fun to me. I just bullshit with girls and meet up if they seem cool, but never seriously. I haven’t been with anyone more than fuck buddies or one night stands since her and I think it’s because I still love her. One night I’m massive swiping right, that’s what I do I swipe right on everyone then phish out the people I don’t want to match with, and boom she matches with me immediately after I swipe right…weird. 5 minutes later she messages me something like “hey how have you been!”. We get into a decent convo. Where we were texting more and more each day. Never fast replies… always throughout the day. I work a lot so I can’t text back immediately anyways. Well I’m telling her this crazy story about something that happened to me and she seems really excited. Fast replies, a lot of replies in a row(like 4-5) asking questions. Then boom height of the convo she unmatches me. This is the point in which I realize I still have feelings for her… fuck man. So I over react and block her because I feel like she’s still playing games. A week goes by and at this point I’m telling myself “I’ll unblock her but only talk to her if she talks to me” boom one hour goes by and she messages me “So… what’s new?” I replied “a lot, what specifically?” She replies “Guess that’s a really broad question! I have no idea what specifically, my mind’s gone blank.” I wait til the next day and tell her “Well I guess the 2 main thinge would be that I got that promotion I was gunning for, and the other would be that I have a new car. Yes the truck has entered retirement…you?” No reply… 2 days go by and I send her a cute picture of what was our cat. She replies to my text with a paragraph about what’s new with her(very vaguely) and some questions about work(we actually met where i work and halfway through our relationship she quit there and got a new job). We get into a basic catch up conversation(odd enough it’s her birthday)and I ask her if it’s her birthday, she replies and seems intruiged as to how I remember. I brought up the fact that it was 7/29 and that I’m really good at remember numbers and that’s all I acknowledged of her birthday and we move on in conversation. Then I bring up another story about some crazy guy I had to fire. She seems really interested… ok so this has been a few days. Like 5 days to get to this point. And we’re replying pretty quickly, within 10 minutes. Then she has a reply that I felt warranted no reply so I didn’t respond. I let a whole day go by with no contact, secretly hoping she would contact me. And really I don’t know how to go about this. I’ve read the 5 step guide. Hell I’ve read a lot of guides on the internet these past few days. Any advice would be great. Wow this was a lot longer post than I hoped for, haha.
@eddiesleeth - Sound like you’re very young and also promiscuous. Maybe you’re ex likes you better at a distant friend as in the messaging scenario. And it really sounds like you play cat and mouse with each other. NOT a good way to interact with each other. Try to determine your real feelings and try the 5 step guide if you actually want to win her back, but there are no guarantees. I don’t know how long you were actually together, but if you both agree to reconcile, you would have to talk about and work out your problems as to why the relationship didn’t work and how to make it better if that’s what you both really want to do…
Disclaimer: I’m going to open up to you some stuff only she and I know, perhaps this is why Im still in love with her. I’ve never opened up to anyone but her…ok so I’ll give you a bit of an update. I’m 24, she’s 21. We were together for 2 years, met at work. I have a difficult time opening up to people. So nothing really lasts for me. Something about her just made it easy for me to open up to her. The first half of the relationship was pure honeymoon phase. She was the first person I truly loved. I’ve never had a honeymoon phase last that long. Perhaps that’s why I still have feelings. I don’t know. Well I had a horrible childhood, meth house, sexual abuse, the whole nine yards. She also had an equally bad childhood. About 16 months into relationship she attempted suicide. After that things weren’t the same, we stopped compromising, and I became incredibly clingy. That’s what ruined it. I’ve attempted suicide in the past and I know how it feels. I knew she didn’t do it because of my or anything. I truly understood. 4 months after that happened she became really distant. I was still clingy but incredibly unhappy with the relationship. I started to think about breaking things off because of this. Along comes the 2 year mark. At this point we’ve began fighting a lot and have been for the past 4 months. Fighting over the most trivial things. She breaks up with me after a fight. After that I was destroyed… it’s funny how you might want to end something, but when someone ends it on you, you want them back. Anyways…I asked if she could talk yesterday and we did. And I told her I think we should be friends. And that’s what I’ve decided on. She seemed to like that idea. I know that the only reason our relationship didn’t work is because it was 2 people who hated themselves, and searched for that love in another. In the last year I’ve done a lot of work on loving myself, and it’s working. I don’t think I should move on to another serious relationship until I fully reach that self love. After talking to her I can just tell she hasn’t reached that point yet. That’s why I’ve decided this. Thank you for the advice, and honesty. It’s appreciated. It feels good to tell someone some things I’ve never shared with anyone. The glory of the internet and a fake name! Anyways thanks Patricia!
@Eddiesleeth - Thank you for sharing your story and I’m so happy you understand that self-love is the first part to be able to love someone else:) I hope you will be great friends and maybe later, after she learns to herself, you two can get back together in a happy loving relationship:)
Good luck and take care of yourself.