Three questions?

Breakup Help no-contact-rule
1

Hi,
Thanks for having a read. My ex broke up with me about a week ago after we’d been together for just over a year. We never really had arguments, were very supportive, fancied the pants off each other and generally I thought things were good. She’s been having a tough time at work and I was getting worried as she seemed to be bordering on depression (I’ve been there so recognise).

Anyway, she said ‘we need to talk’ (I hate those 4 words so much!) and said that she felt her life was an absolute mess and that she was a rubbish girlfriend and was overly reliant on me. She decided that she wanted to break up so that she could get herself together as she couldn’t handle being in a relationship at the moment. She said she loved me but felt that she couldn’t keep things going with us, especially when she remembered how happy she was last year when we first started dating.

I was pretty suprised but having been through a very painful breakup a couple of years ago where I did all the wrong things, I knew how to react and took things very calmly (on the surface) and accepted stuff. I asked her if she would get back in contact when she felt in a better place and she said she would. I’m doing NC now and whilst I’m finding it tough, I think I’m doing the right things (exercising a lot, signing up to volunteer, getting back in touch with friends).

So I’ve got three questions:

  1. I am worried about her. She doesn’t have a lot of friends and her relationship with her mum (who she lives with) wasn’t great and I worry she will sink into a bad place without someone to talk to (it was always me). Can I contact/ meet her mum to check up on her wellbeing?
  2. Do you think that there was a problem with our relationship I haven’t seen or is it true that she needs to sort herself out on her own? I know it probably wasn’t healthy how much she relied on me but I would have given her space etc if she asked, I don’t feel we needed to break up.
  3. She said she’d get in touch when she had sorted her life out and felt in a better place. Once I’ve finished NC (not sure how long to go for?) should I wait for her to contact me or get back in touch myself?

Anyway thanks for reading and I appreciate any responses :slight_smile: Keep going!

2

  1. No, don’t contact her mother.

  2. You have to take her word for the reason she chose to break up with you. No sense to try and guess.

  3. No contact for a month and then ask how she’s doing. This will be okay as you’re the one who asked if she would get back in touch once she’s in a better place and she agreed. IE: she didn’t request the no contact.

Depending on her response, either continue light contact or no contact again and wait until she contacts you when she’s feeling better.