If he doesnt know what he wants, he will not be happy with anyone else. So pls dont feel about this ofher potential date. And social media does not always reflects what the reality is.
In my opinion its better for u not to check or follow him on social media. Trust me its the best way to stay away from him and avoid being hurt again and again. You are obviously still very sensitive about the break up. No reason to make urself more upset by looking at the internet.
I would advice you not to initiate any contact and wait for him to initiate the contact. And when he does, be cool about it and look busy.
that’s ridiculous! ! i agree with everyone you should definitely not initiate contact except if he texts you. sorry to hear that he is doing this. I hope he realizes before its too late. just make sure you aren’t just staying inside but also going out having fun too
Definitely not staying inside! 
I actually feel heaps better after going to the gym today. It was my therapy basically during the summer and I’m going to make sure it gets back that way again now. I’m no longer angry or hurt at this latest screw up he has done. I’m in a less emotional state of mind right now and I’m able to look at it more realistically, I guess.
Remembering how he was these last few months since initiating contact with me and saying he wanted to try again, I think he meant it, as several times he really went out of his way to try and make things up to me. But I seem to put all of this shift in his behavior to one evening when I called him out and said I can feel he’s purposely holding himself back and keeping me at arm’s length. Long story short, I think he’s gotten scared. Our first time around he thought I was the one.
Regardless, I’m not going to wait around for him. I’m fairly certain he’s going to come back again, and was posting all these things knowing I’d see them and is acting out in a way to make me jealous. I genuinely don’t think he’s checked out, but he is acting, frankly, really really stupid. But in the meantime, I will 100% be doing NC, just like all of you suggest. Thank you for your support, everyone. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without it
aww Laur… I’m so sorry you have to go through all these again 
But I’m sure it’s gonna be easier since you are a stronger woman now <3 My ex gave me hot and cold behaviour too these past month, and just like you I gave in at first 
But started no contact again and now we chatted up abit again but everything was kinda… fine. I guess I still really enjoyed his presence, so did he and we both are just not ready of a relationship. Or maybe they are just curious of all the other options out there, well sad to let them know that no one will ever love them like we did. We won’t just wait around. At the meantime let’s just be the best of ourselves again. If they really still treasure us time will prove everything, but we have to move on for the better for ourselves. It’s like we gave up on this love completely, but we chose to not live on fake hopes and getting all heartbroken again. If God want us to be together again then we’ll surely find our way back somewhere down the road. If not we should sincerely wish them the best too, right? I would do that. Stay strong gal <3
I’m right there with you @moonbunny. I know he’s pushing me away (when we met back up in October he made the comment that he’s good at pushing people away) and probably is scared. I think you’re right that he’s exploring his options, little does he know he can’t do much better than me 
I’m having a hard time and missing who he used to be, and I’m sad that the things I had wanted for us may not happen. Like I said, I don’t think he’s completely checked out, but I know he’s not all in either.
Well everyone, last night was very interesting. One of my friends and I went out to the bar he usually frequents last night for some cheap drinks ($2 cocktails!) and we ended up running into a couple of his friends, one of them being the one I trust very much. Also, a guy who turns out is in his group likes me, and he didn’t realize my history with him. He made the comment how my ex is “very competitive” and how liking me is now awkward now he knows about my ex and I.
Anyway, we went back to one of the guys’ places (the one I trust) to sober up and I ended up talking to him for a long time about everything. Apparently, once again, all of his friends think he’s screwing up by not making me a priority. They all genuinely like me and me with him, and the friend I spoke to says he doesn’t want to see my ex lose out on happiness just because he’s scared. Turns out, none of them know what could have possibly caused this change, either, so we all think he’s realized there isn’t a better girl out there, realized I’m the one, and he’s doing everything possible now to push me away because he’s scared.
At this point, we are all very confident he’s going to get back in touch, the question is just when exactly.
Well guys, I was right. The guy of his who is also friends with me confirmed for me that he’s trying to get with the girl who is his ex, that he dated for 4 years in college and who lives 14 hours away, the same one who was down here for a week over New Years with her friend and was here for a weekend, just her. I’m devastated. In all honesty, from everything that has happened it seems like he has no idea what he wants, especially trying to get into a long distance relationship. His friend told him that if he doesn’t want to be with me he needs to tell me but he was like “Yeah but I don’t want to crush her soul, she’s a keeper.” He also said this girl is “hard to figure out.” Well, she flew down here for a weekend with you, I think that says enough.
I don’t know what to do now. I’m still in love with him. I still want to be with him. And I’m ashamed to admit that.
woow soo sorry to hear that… he is trying to keep you around when the one wit his ex doesn’t wrk out… I think he wants the pursuit and the fact that she might be giving him a hot and cold mixed emotions… I don’t think he is ready to be in a committed relationship with anyone but especially with you. he wants to end up with you it seems but for now he want to go date others… which sucks… especially cause you are kinda ready now… but I think you should move forward for now and try to just do you and not really wait but maybe later or soon he’ll realize… but don’t let him think you are waiting… go out on dates sometimes guys need a little push… lol… but I think he feels you’ll always be there and is using that
Oh I definitely, 10000000% think the reason he hasn’t completely ended things with me (which he said back in November what we had he would need to break up with me to end) is so he can more easily come back if it doesn’t work with her. She’s probably hard to figure out for the same reason he said I was when we first started dating a year ago: I wasn’t so sure I wanted to date him, but I enjoyed the attention so I went along with it. I’ll give the girl credit and say I highly doubt she’s stupid and would want to willingly walk into a long distance relationship, but since it is a guy she dated for 4 years it’s probably tempting. But I don’t know for sure. That’s all just speculation.
I haven’t spoken to him since I sent him that text that said “I’m not going to beg for your attention. If you want to see me, you know where to find me.” And honestly I think I’ll continue my silence. What is there to say?
He found out apparently about the acquaintance of his that likes me, and the friend I spoke to says he isn’t sure if what my ex reacted with was jealousy or not, but he definitely got the feeling he was like “I may not want her, but no one else can have her either.” Well dude, if you’re acting like that, you still have feeling for me and don’t want to let me go. I will say I think my constant wanting him to commit and stuff drove him to look elsewhere, but at the end of the day it was his decision to take action to screw everything up. I think this is a classic “grass is greener” syndrome case.
He has seriously made some weird decisions. First dating a girl who’s dead boyfriend had the same name as him, and now trying to get with an ex that is a $250-$700 plane ride away. His friend also said, knowing my ex, he thought he would pass the CFA (we’re pretty sure he didn’t), move to NY, get a job as an investment banker, and make a million dollars, and this doesn’t seem too far off for how he is. Why can’t people ever just see what’s right in front of them?
Well guys, I guess I was wrong. It seems she is entertaining the idea of the long distance rekindling after all. And here I was dumb enough to cling to the hope that maybe she would be smart about it and not go for it.
wow! stay strong laur. he hasn’t contacted you at all?
Nope. From what I know he’s under the impression that I went to the bar he usually frequents so I could run into him. He conveniently forgets that I knew he was out of town when I went and that his friends like hanging out with me. But I’m stopping that because I don’t want to give him the satisfaction, however incorrect he may be.
On another site I try to seek advice, some people were pretty blunt, saying how men only settle with women they respect and he doesn’t respect me, that I’m content with being an option and that he has demonstrated multiple times how he will never love me like I love him. Perhaps what they said has merit, but it cut deeply and felt like I was being blamed for my situation. I still hurt very much and prefer kind words right now. I wish things were different but they aren’t. When will the pain ever stop? I feel like I’m back to square one in my grieving and coping
I completely understand. . and to mii it feels worse than square 1. like I put myself bak in that situation and got fooled again and I can only blame myself… I had hope and now there’s none… Its like yoy picked yourself up after the first one but then you let yourself go back and got used again and how do you ever pick yourself again after that… I feel you… it sucks
This thread is what prompted me to register. Laur and starlight, you are both being so strong and are truly showing up for yourselves. Regardless of whether your respective exes realize it now, they have each lost a very smart and genuine woman and I’m certain once they grow the h*ll up, they’ll realize what they lost and even if their pride prevents them from contacting you, they’ll likely regret that loss for a very long time. Meanwhile, you two will relish your future relationships even more because you will have learned that no matter how selfish the people you love are, you are always strong enough to show up for yourselves!
I wish I could help with the pain, but I’m in the same boat right now and instead of holding on tightly and staying flexible but strong until the end of the ride, I’ve been jumping out and counter-intuitively hoping something will miraculously save me. I’m inspired by both of you; thank you!
I don’t necessarily blame myself for all of it, because there’s no way I could have known it would have ended up like this. I don’t like to think “He did it once, he’ll always do it.” It’s just not who I am. But I hurt, a lot. I’m scared it actually will work out with them and that they’ll end up together, and I’ll just be alone. I don’t want anyone else, I want him. And now I begin to think something is wrong with me since our relationship didn’t last that long but theirs lasted 4 years.
I just don’t get it. Why would he choose to try to get back with his ex that lives 12 hours away, that he hasn’t even seen in 4 weeks now? Why would anyone consider that preferable, choosing a long distance “keeper” over a “keeper” that is in his city? (He described both of us as “keepers,” so if we’re on the same level, why do this?)
Well, he just contacted me. I had left my college class ring at his place before my friend’s wedding, and he just messaged me today asking how I’d like it back. Like really dude? At this point I’m fine with buying another class ring. I haven’t responded to him because part of me thinks this is just him trying to return it but another part of me thinks this is bs to try to talk to me again. Actually, I know he has some ulterior motive because he never does anything without it benefitting him in some way. He’s said so himself. So he’s either giving it back because he wants to weasel his way back into my life, or he’s ready to let me go so he can get with his 12-hours away ex.
hey sry I didn’t get bak sooner, but mm I don’t necessarily believe once a this always a this. but I do feel like I shouldn’t have made him feel like it was easy to get mii cause then that’s probably why he gave it up so easily. I should have made him know that it’s not easy to get mii bak and only if he was serious about getting mii bak should he talk to mii. but I see what you mean. and woow really? he asked to how you want to get it bak… lol… have you responded yet
Nope and I don’t really plan to. Another reason I think something is going on: a friend of his, the one who I’ve been talking to lately, and I were supposed to hang out last night. That afternoon all he tells me is “I may have an issue,” and I don’t hear from him again for the rest of the night or all day today for that matter. Not even an “I’m sorry, insert explanation here” for ditching. So my ex happens to text me the very same evening a friend of his was supposed to hang out with me? It wouldn’t seem weird to me if his friend had been communicating with me even after plans fell through, but he hasn’t. It’s all very fishy and weird to me. Something’s up.
Thank you, sophie. Your words are very kind and mean a lot to me. I hope everything gets better for you too, soon. My recommendations are to make a list of things you want to do that you’ve never done (like zip lining, going to a wine and painting place, making pottery, just some examples from my own list), take time to go to the gym or the spa or watch YouTube makeup tutorials, go for drinks with your friends and get attention from boys, heck even read a book, to keep yourself busy and feeling pretty and like you’ve still “got it.” It helps you to forget your troubles for a little while.
Today is a rough day for me. I had a bad dream last night that just put me in a down mood, and now I’m missing him a lot (or rather, who he used to be). I keep thinking (and I guess, hoping) that since his friend, who made it clear he didn’t care that he was breaking “guy code” by being friends with me too, isn’t speaking to me, that means my ex hasn’t quite moved on like he was trying to act. That his friend has backed off says a lot to me about my ex’s intentions. This same friend did insinuate he had feelings for me beyond friendship, but assured me friendship was okay with him. Given that information, I get the feeling he has backed off out of respect for my ex, who may still want to revisit our relationship. If he didn’t, I’m confident his friend would have no problem talking to me.