Context: I met her two years ago & we started dating, and continued to do so over the next 6 months or so, after which I thought it was high time we made it official…she did not…& that’s how it all started. The rest of that year we spent together was unstable, to put it mildly, & it was obvious that we wanted different things; I wanted a normal relationship, she wanted to be non-exclusive, it’s an old and sad tale. Long story short, it all ended in tears (literally—for both of us), & that’s when the real problems started. I moved on with a new woman who I’d met, and she hooked up with a few men, and that really should have been that, but it turned out that my new girlfriend was on the rebound (& then some, she’d been with her ex for 9 years & they were due to be engaged), & some of the guys that my ex was seeing ended up doing some very immoral, very illegal things to her which I won’t get too much into & which I didn’t respond to very well (at all), because in my heart I still cared about her a great deal (& still do), we both went through bouts of severe depression, hospitals & counseling were involved, it was bad, very bad…however, the reason we both new what was going on in each other’s lives, was because for some reason that I still can’t for the life of me figure out, we both stayed in contact with each other, and we were both there for each other as emotional support during that unfortunate period that I hope & pray never to see again…that was about a year ago.
Fast forward to the present day, & a lot has changed, for both of us. She’s graduated university & I’ve just about finished my PhD as well, we’re both working, I’m currently in the process of buying a house, and we are both fairly safe & healthy physically & psychologically these days, which is a massive improvement let me tell you. We’ve both been officially single all year, but we’ve met up on a regular basis one on one, we’ve been able to find common ground & repair a lot of the damage we did to each other, and more recently, there’s even been quite a bit of flirting going on…
…but now, as of yesterday, we’ve hit a bit of hurdle. So, a couple of weeks ago I took her swimming, and we had an amazing time & we really clicked, and at the end of that I leaned in for a kiss, she did not flinch, so I followed through. She seemed a little nervous straight afterwards, but she smiled & told me she wanted to see me again, so a few days later I asked her round to my place with an offer of me cooking a meal. I then didn’t hear from her for about week, until eventually she replied, said she’d love to see me, but how about a pick-nick in the park instead. So I agreed, and we went, and she seemed a lot more hesitant & awkward than she had last I saw her. We did end up back at my place, but she then started making some fairly obviously bs excuses to leave early, and looked really nervous about something. So I told her, ‘I’m getting the impression there’s something bothering you, is anything the matter?’ etc, and she proceeded to tell me what I already suspected, that as much as she liked me, she was very very hesitant to risk getting back together, given what happened last time.
So we had a bit of a chat about it, I tried to reassure her on a couple of things that worried her, namely that history was not going to repeat itself, because we’d both learned a lot from the last time & so long as we’re both honest & open with each about what we want then there’s no reason it will. She’s also going to be studying in London for about a year next year to do her teacher training, and she’s worried the distance will be too much for us, to which I reminded her that I’m only an hour & a half’s train journey from London. There were other concerns as well of a more personal nature (I’m afraid that’s between us), but again, I felt like they were issues that could be potentially resolved. Bottom line, she likes me, a big part of her wants to get back together (yes she did say so), but another huge part of her is terrified of one or both of us getting hurt again.
My current situation: In the end, I decided that we wern’t going to resolve these concerns that evening, so I let her go with a hug & a good night, but told her that I already know how I feel about her & what I want, and she needs to go away and figure out how she feels & what she wants, and unfortunately I cannot do that for her. I’m not going to pressure her or manipulate her into doing anything she doesn’t want to do or which makes her feel uncomfortable, & if she does decide that it’s just too much of a risk then I’ll respect her decision, but that said I did say that if she does want to keep me on and a mere friend, whilst she dates & sleeps with other guys, then that would be a little too much to ask of me, better we’d not see each other all, and she was very understanding of that. My plan is to let the dust settle for at least a week…by which point (hopefully) she will get back to me, if not…well…I guess that is the question isn’t it? 
oh well, too late to change it now, the message is sent.