I can’t believe it, but after giving up on trying to win my ex back she started throwing likes and stuff my way and I chose to talk to her. She was very nice and said she’s wanted to catch up with me for a while but was too worried she’d be bothering me. It’s been 8 months for perspective. I think I may have chosen a bad reply but I told her that she should not be worried about it at all and that I kinda had the same worry. She said I should not be worried at all and here we are. She is long-distance. What do I do next? There seems to be no more negativity between us, but for all I know she will always just see me as a friend now. Should I respond to that message? Or do something else?
I’m so happy that we can at least be friends. Even after looking back on it for so long I still think she is a great person and I still would love to be with her.
I’m so happy that we can at least be friends. Even after looking back on it for so long I still think she is a great person and I still would love to be with her.
Sounds like she might feel the same way. Now that you had some time apart, all the negative feelings are gone and she remembers how great you were.
Personally I would say go for it. Invite her over for a cup of coffee and catch up on what has been going on in yours and her life since the breakup.
But remember: NO NEEDINESS!!
I have seen many people screw up on this stage. The girls is hook, the girls is interrested in getting back togther ect. Everything is going great, they are flirting ect. Then the guys breaks down and tell her how missirable he has been these last 8 months, and he cannot live without her, and begs her to please come back… Dont be that guy! Dont trip over your own feet, just inches before the finishing line…
Be cool, be charming and most importantly: Show her all the possitive changes you have made during NC. Dont tell her about them, SHOW her!
Hope this helps, and I wish you the best with your meeting. PLease keep us updated…
I agree with @CreeD !" Also if u two will meet up for a coffee, dont bring up the old relationship, or tell how sorry u are and tings like that. talk about what u have done these 8 months and dont at all cost make her know u want to reconcile. the idea is for ur ex to see u are still the same person but improved. and the idea is that ur ex is the one who start to talk about reconciling. the moment she will realize u want to get back together she will give u the cold shoulder probably. And also ask her about what she has been up to etc… dont make it only about urself but also about her. And show her (even better let her see) how u have changed for the better) and dont say ; “i have changed i swear”. bla bla… let her see it herself. good luck!
Hmmm you guys really think the situation is that good? I’m not sure
Keep in mind she is long-distance and generally pretty shy. This was the first time we had talked in months, though leading up to this she was acknowledging me again and giving me one or two likes on status updates. Then she wrote a blog about coming back to the community where we first met and I chose to say hi. She responded with a very happy “what’s up?” And I suggested we catch up. She then said “Yes please!” and that she’s wanted to but she was worried she’d be bothering me. I replied no way she would be and that I had the same worry. Then she said “Oh my gosh, don’t be worried at all.”
Now this is the part where I am not sure what to do next. Should I just start slow and give the occasional comment/like? Should I still look busy and not talk to her that much yet?
Oh and yes! I would very much like to get back together. I feel like I am able to see here as a person now. I had crushed on her for a year before we dated and I believe that made me put her on a pedestal and that combined with my insecurities severely hurt our relationship. But she has become happier recently too and she’s just so lovely to me.
Sounds like she is indeed open to the idea.
But I dont think she will come crawling and begging…
If I were you I would invite her for coffee…
Make up some excuse. Text her that you will be in her area this weekend, and suggest you meet up forr coffee to catch up.
This is the time where you man up and take the lead.
Just remember: You can talk about whatever you want, and bring up any topic you want. Except one thing! Do not bring up the topic of you past relationship or the idea of the two of you give it another shot. Let her bring that up. She will let you know when she is ready for that topic. Forcing it on her will only push her away…
You say you are ok with friendship, correct?
Are you really??? Like a real friendship with everything that come along with it…
Can you sit and talk about the new guys she is dating and hear stories about how wonderfull he is??? Can you?
I guess I have doubts cause now it’s a couple days after and nothing is escalating in any way. If anything, it is going down. I don’t mean like contact. I mean like further acknowledgement. I’m worried she is so far past us at this point that that’s the reason she was so positive and happy about it. Cause she just wanted to know we would be okay with each other and now she can move on. I’m worried she may be so past it that that’s the only reason for the kindness and removal of negative association. She’s very popular and she talks to a lot of other people online. Maybe she just sees me as nothing more than a friend now…
That is also a possibility yes… Only one way to find out. Invite her for a friendly cup of coffee and catch up. I am sure you can read a lot more from her body language ect. when you talk to her in person. Then you will know a lot better how she feels. You could end up back together, or you could get hurt… No one knows…
But take it from me: She is open to the idea!
I have had 3 ex girlfriends, and they ALL came back and it all started with meeting over a cup of coffee just to catch up. Coffee turn into a movie night and so on.
And they all started like this… And I was always certain they only did it out of guilt or because they wanted to be “just friends”… And every time I was wrong…
Ofcause I shouldnt get your hopes up. Afterall I could be wrong.
But women dont go out for coffee with ex´s without a reason or to “catch up”. There is always a reason for women to keep their ex in their lives…
I think… Maybe since we literally just restarted communication maybe I should show some fortitude and independence first? Maybe look busy and happy on social media. And remember, she is long-distance, so I can’t physically meet up with her yet The most would be a video Skype call. I don’t think she’d be up for that but I don’t know…
And you think? She wouldn’t just keep her ex in her life cause he was her friend before? Or just to clear the conscience? We also have a lot of the same friends online, so she may have felt it was impossible not to bury the hatchet :(…
How long is the distance? Not within driving range?
It sounds like she generally has a possitive attitude towards you. I think you have a shot. But keep in mind, she might also just want you as a backup just in case of a lonely night in the future.
Yeah, definitely not driving distance. I do think she definitely has a positive attitude toward me, which makes me feel really good. The negative association seems to be gone. I’m just not sure how to act going forward if I want something more.
Uh. That makes it a little harder when you cannot meet face to face…
But you need to use social medias for your advanges.
Chat with her. Slowly build it up. Interract with her in every way, but not more then she interracts with you.
Completely agree with Creed, and yes I guess slowly let her have a skype chat with you, that helps a lot when she can see you happier and funny. This worked in my case and once after little distance, just after talking on skype she opened up and blown a kiss at end of call. Anyway later I messed it up more, lol.
That’s one thing I was definitely wondering. She just sends out the occasional favorite now. I guess I’ll return the favor and not get too excited. At least the negativity is gone. But I’m not sure there is much more…
The most would be a video Skype call. I don’t think she’d be up for that but I don’t know…