@JeanValins I hate those sudden memories…they are the absolute worst, like a knife in the heart. I especially hate when I remember something I didn’t remember for a long time, that is 100 times worse. Do you really believe though that having no hope is the best way to look at things? Or that it is even accurate? I have been thinking about how ultimately I cannot force him to come back to me. He has to be able to forgive me. But I can also do everything I can to make that possible, and I believe that if I do, then it is possible… The only thing that was clearly impossible, was what I was doing before, that led me here.
I felt sick after eating dinner again. Everything just makes me feel so full and like something foreign is sitting in my stomach
He found out I had met someone a few weeks after our final break up, he convinced himself that i had been cheating which I wasn’t and had not. In his rage he threatened my life and threatend to leak private pictures he had taken of me while I had been asleep. He also threatened me by saying should I have any daughters in the future that he would love to get his hands on them. Therefore I SLAPPED him with a restraining order ASAP.
@LilyMoon o m g … he did breakup with u … and said these stuff!?.,.,?
@ChrisLovesChris she mentioned in her status that she don’t want to think about somebody anymore I don’t know maybe it could be me or somebody else because I haven’t talked to her for so long so I guess maybe it’s me and I just but I hope in that so whenever I come back to talk to her she will be open and more acceptable for anything I’m going to say well I don’t know from this time I’m just going to collect some sentences to send it to her and maybe things going to be different I’ll try to find a magic letters I’ll try to think about something original and I will post it here to see what the people here were going to say about it before I do anything wrong cuz that’s the only chance I will get after 1 month no contact … today i feel better i got new hair cut also i edit my beard it looks good now and gonna post it as profile pic on line :3
@LilyMoon I can’t believe that, that is seriously messed up. He does the dumping and then he threatens you?
@JeanValins I hope she is talking about you and I really hope everything works out. I really look forward to hearing about what happens in your situation. You can write to me about it here in my thread if you want.
I feel like garbage again this morning. I have been sleeping a bit better but as soon as I open my eyes, there is that fist around my stomach again. I hate the mornings, so so much. I miss him more than you can imagine. I picture him going about his day and I just want to cry, I wish I could find him somehow and hug him so tight. 
I just can’t believe this is happening. I’m so scared he will never talk to me again.
@ChrisLovesChris its just me in the NC I made in the first 2 weeks … after a while I feel better because she still fighting me in the same problem when i talk to her and this is what I want just to remind her if there’s a problem we should fix it … it end it up blocked me like she always do … but this time I want to give her lesson do not block me again because it’s been 3 weeks NC…and I’m sure it will be 4 weeks of no contact or even more … we didnt have normal stuff … even the sex we had is just different … i made her laugh her ass off sometimes and i dont think she missed that … the thing is how i could use these memories to remind her of the good time we had together … even we keep playing online games together … we enjoyed really much lots of stuff together and i hope it will come back one day…
and sure i will share it with u here if the conversation still going on … but I might posted as a new topic… Coz just need a bit help of which text should i send …
Remember mornings all always the worst, I woke up today and thought of her, Marieta, I lost her. Took me a minute just now because it has been a few days I change that mood quickly. No I lost her at the moment I will get her back now go take care of yourself and go to work save the money and go back to Bulgaria. Be patient and follow the plan. Stop checking the facebook.
Its all lies your brain is doing everything it can to think of the worst things. Just watch movies do not watch love movies. Because if you do the first thing you are going to do is try to break the NC rule and make things worse. Right now the only thing you can do is push him away not getting him closer and curious about you. Keep in mind he is full of rage as it looks but he still misses you alot and is getting closer later he will realize when he has nothing going on he will think what have I done. I let her go. Because soon all the good memories will come ESPECIALLY since Valentines day is right around the corner it will be him hurting more than you. Remember what one of the emails said. Its like a heroin addict.
He used to the love you guys had, every morning good morning text and your replies and the I love yous. Now that he is not getting them and no one will and I promise no one will tell him like you do. Will feel that empty void. Right now he has just hardened his heart but to really realize it you must be strong. These moments are for you to practice like martial arts. So when you get the moment of truth you will kick ass. The PRIMARY objective is for you to change all the negative crap you have done and never do it again. Its all about training. After this your second objective is not just to get him back. But be with him forever and show him if he leaves you again that is his fault because not many people want to change not only for themselves but for them. Do not look at facebook it is all deception it will show their smiles and happiness but really they are not. Maybe for just one hour. But that is it.
Keep saying. I will get him back, I will change this about myself and I am determined to get him back. I will be more attractive to him. The next relationship will last forever. I will speak only positive things and encourage him and his life. I will not break down and cry. Patients is the key and my will, will lead me to my goal. Nothing is impossible. Even if he is dating someone else look great. Look stunning and act stunning. Use your new skills.
@JeanValins I don’t understand people who just block us and won’t even listen. I am totally not like that - I give so many chances. As long as the person is apologizing and wants to make an effort to fix things, I’m there. Probably the only thing I would not forgive is physical violence. I have even mended a relationship where there was cheating.
yes of course you should post a new topic of your situation, I am just saying you are also welcome to talk about it in here 
@ChrisLovesachris I also forgive her for what so ever she did … when she say sorry and after words say did u forgive me … i just said u said sorry then its ok right
so yeah i will make new Topic and see if what i am thinking of is ok or not … i have been thinking to post it before the 4 week come because i want to know what good think to say
@Merchaunt I am glad you are back! You are so right about the movies. Every time I see anyone kissing or any sort of love scene by accident, I want to go crazy. And I know all I am capable of right now, especially right now, is pushing him away because all I feel capable of is crying and begging…
I hope he is affected by Valentine’s Day…in our last conversation I had mentioned I wanted to go out to see a movie with him that day, and he brought it up again two hours later into our conversation, so he was obviously thinking about it. So I hope when that day comes up he thinks of how we could have been together.
I am afraid he doesn’t miss me though…I am afraid all he feels is relief…
But you bring up a great point, one I always remember. HOW many people on this earth are so hurt by their partners, and the partner swears they will change and they NEVER do? And I did change…and I proved it…because when he was insulting me and calling me a parasite and this and that, not once did I retaliate. I admit there was one moment when he used his ex to torment me, that I wanted to say something…but I DIDN’T. I have that self control now and he got to see it. I beat the odds. All you ever hear about is how people never change, especially when it comes to things like that…and I did…it’s like finding a unicorn. I pray every day he will open up his spirit and see that.
@JeanValins that is a good idea to plan ahead of time. These situations are so complicated, they can get messed up by the stupidest things…
I wish I knew the magic words to say to my ex, but he is being so next to impossible. I’m so glad today is half over…only two more full work days after this until my long weekend. I am being a little more productive at work but I am still getting buried. I don’t care anymore though. I am sick of doing the work of three people. I am not a machine.
@chrisLovesChris I’ve been doing things wrong less thinking so even if it didnt work at least i have give it all… back to work i was like a machine … the manager give me lots of works and didnt give me any advance and he forced me to do some works outside the company too i was like … do it by ur self i am out … couple months later he called me 3 times asking me to get the work back … i was like even if u give me double the salary i wont and i hang up … now am kinda chill its only the relationship problem who is keep bothring me …
LOL reminds me of star wars, when Vader was facing off with luke Skywalker. You have much to learn my young apprentice. Your thoughts betray you. LOL In reality everything in life is so damn tough. Learning to speak well to others, cooking, even cleaning can be a skill and can take one person 1 hour and you 10 mins. But your goal is quite different. Your goal is a home, its a man you want to be with but the catch is what are you going to do for him to want to be with you. Do not I REPEAT DO NOT! talk to him on Valentines day even if he wishes you one just ignore it. Post beautiful new pictures of you happy on facebook. Let his friends talk crap. Do not over do it and just leave the new picture up there.
You are fighting for a home. An apartment is just an apartment a home is also someone you are with and love and trust. So now you are doing great. Everyday is your spirit growing stronger, that pain you feel between your heart and your stomach. Its just the heart repair. Things are great, but nothing good is going to fall on your lap, no magical hampster is going to say HEY I AM GOING TO GET YOUR RELATIONSHIP BACK MAKE YOU IN THE BEST SHAPE IN THE WORLD WITH GREAT NEW SKILLS AND YOUR RICH! No, hell no. You have to make it happen yes I know this is a two way street. So you are going to have to be smart and put a big ass rock on his so he has to turn around and go your way.
To be honest I have absolutely no experience in this. I just read all the emails and stuck with the plan because that is exactly what I want. A home, but I know every time I thought I did something and I was right I was wrong so I am taking the advise and I feel great. Because I see my vision. I see myself going back to Bulgaria before the the holidays start. I might now have enough money but I will have plenty to get the papers get a job and my girl with me. My home. The trees, the mountains the people. The adventures and travelers I met at the hostel. I see that. I do not care if I walk to work all the time.
Before like a baby oh boo hoo I dont have a car. Now im like, shoot I do not care. I have a vision. My sarcastic Canadian friend said well whatever floats your boat. I said I am not building a boat. I am building a huge battle ship and I am fighting my way back not matter what and live poor and happy. Money and spending are no longer an issue because I do not care about spending things just saving to go home. I know I am explaining on what I am doing but now think about that. Think, Tell your story, what are you gonna do. Give up? Give in? Listen to your friends to just move on? More fish in the sea. Or are you going to listen to your spirit. Your Heart. Your soul and say screw them all. Screw the world I have a vision. Right now I feel like I am ready but still follow the plan after day 30. You are ready, master Jedi. 
Stand your ground. Get that vision. Do not listen to most people they are just negative nannies. Everyone will tell you 90% bad and giving up. Just face it, face to face and do not stand down. (Except for the police… Never stand your ground for that…) So remember. Take care of your body. The pain will pass soon it will soon be repaired and your heart will be strong. Then finally listen to what they told you.
I wondered how many people laughed when they said they can speak on a phone without a cord anywhere around the world?
I wondered how many people laughed and said impossible when the brothers said they can fly.
Impossible, right? Did they listen? Will you listen? Will you do it?
@JeanValins I wish I could do the same thing. I just went to my car and cried on the phone to someone…in a way it’s nice when something else goes wrong, because then I can call someone and cry about it and they don’t know that I am really crying because I am hurting so much for my ex. Everyone thinks I am like this because I am overburdened my job…when really it’s that I am overburdened by my job and everything else in my life because I am falling apart.
I am doing this forgiveness exercise where part of it I have to write everything I forgive my ex for…and I got really upset, remembering everything he said. It made me feel so completely hopeless. How can I think I have even a 1% chance after all those things he said to me? I wonder if he even regrets saying that stuff
@Merchaunt you are so right. My thoughts do betray me…I sit and truly convince myself that if I don’t bombard him with e-mails, and calls and other insane desperate actions, that he will just forget about me. On some level I am aware of how flawed this is but it’s like I am programmed to believe it.
I am staying away from any place where there are people who say just give up. It upsets me that I have seen people even on these boards saying that to people. That’s why I stay inside here and don’t read or respond to the other threads. Some of the things I see fill me with so much despair I can’t stand it.
I have to remember all the situations I have turned in my favor, that everyone would have said to give up on. I have done it many times. I don’t know how people are so quick to say give up and to instill the cynicism on you. I refuse to have anything to do with that.
I hope you never stop coming to my thread Merchaunt.
@ChrisLovesChris
yeah he was and still is not all there mentally. He comes up with some weird stories and,he begins to believe his own lies. I know,his father had major drug issues and alcoholic abuse before he was born,so im prettybsure whatever damage his father did to himself was passed on to my ex. I know my ex’s older brother has mental issues too. I was unaware of all this until the very end of our relationship. But hes been out of my life for almost 3 beautiful years and i met my first real love after him. so it all worked out.
@ChrisLovesChris wanna laugh about something … i was in skype group and i was asking her to have a call with me do u know what she said … ? I am too good for him … i felt so down and i wanted to get a revenge for that … but after awile i just feel its not the same girl i used to know … she said lots of stuff infront of me in calls and i just feel so bad about it its crushing me … but for some reasons i feel its better to help her coz she was broken when i met her and now she is breaking me …, she have said to her best friend she wanna leave me coz i am too nice … i dont think its the reason she have said lots of stuff to just breakup with me ,
@JeanValins
yeah he dumped me and all that happened. Even when I went to the police, the sherrif said “guy is a sicko.Do yourself a favor and get that restraining order ASAP.”
@LilyMoon ppl do change so much when they got dumped but if he did that and say these stuff then i am glad that u r not with him anymore its the best for u … however hope everything gonna be fine and this guy dont hurt u coz he sounds bad person …
These threads are the healthiest thing you can do. Just keep reading all of them over and over until you remember everyone so when there is no one around and you are walking you learned them like a new language. Right now I am back in the states I am not looking for a car or waste money on gas or anything just getting the money and going back and get the prize. Nothing is impossible. That how dreams come into reality. Trust me even if he is with someone in the next 2 months there is nothing stronger than his love for you and yours for him. Sometimes all it takes is for you to pull both enough for him to realize he made a mistake that he needs to come back home than running in circles. Hate can be converted to passion and love. Just keep going. I will think of more better things to say to you. For now I gotta run. I think the cops figured out it was me at the bank. PEACE! (JK)
@LilyMoon I have been with complete nutcases before so I know how it is. While the ending of the relationship still hurt, I find it easier to deal with if I am afraid of them or hate them in some way. I wish that was the case here. It would be so much easier. Instead I feel, I know, that this is all my fault.
@JeanValins It’s so awful when they say these terrible things about us. The worst part is that it doesn’t even affect how much I love him, and so it kills me inside. I wish so much sometimes I could hate him so this would all be easier. But I can’t. I just miss him, and I love him completely and helplessly.
@Merchaunt thank you for your persistent hope…I am having such a difficult time right now. I am completely convincing myself that this is going to be impossible, that I am deluded, that he doesn’t want me anymore and hasn’t wanted me anymore for months. I don’t know why today again is so bad. I feel so empty inside, just dead, like I have no heart, or soul. I hate the hopeless negative perception that is haunting me this way. Maybe it’s just the exhaustion of work, and thinking about everything so much…