We had been together about 13 months when he broke up 2 weeks ago. We had lived together as a couple for 10 months, then lived close by for 2 months and then (REALLY) long distance for 2 months. The reason for this being 14 months is that we had lived together for 1 month before we got in a relationship (long story…). Like he said, he didn’t think us moving together and meeting was a coincidence, and it was like love at first sight. We just had such an amazing relationship. We have many of the same interests and we always had a good time, no fighting, and the intimate part was really good for us both, and we were very pleased with everything really.
Him breaking up was a shock. He just sent me a text saying we really should talk, so I called right away and realized that he was going to break up with me. 3 days later he drove for 5 hours to where I live and home again the same day (after taking the train 4 hours the day before. As I said, REALLY long distance relationship) to talk about things, but he really didn’t have much to say. He said he lost his feelings and don’t believe they will come back. I disagreed and said if we just tried the feelings would come back, but he didn’t want to try.
We talked a little about what caused it, and agree on that the 11 months we lived together, we were almost never alone because we lived with other people, and in the summer his parents were always there, so never time to be alone again, and now we almost never see each other, so that does not make things better either.
SO… I asked him about what he thinks about maybe trying again later since we really love spending time together and everything, and he thinks we should meet and see if it could be something more again later than just friendship. (he is finished with is bachelor degree next semester, so we will see when he is finished)
The thing is that hurt so bad is that he never gave us a shot. Like… I did EVERYTHING for him. I would go to the end of the world for him, and it also felt like i have done that. I have sacrificed SO MUCH… you have NO IDEA, and for what? I thought it was so that we could get married and have kids and all that, and now I sit here left with nothing else than a broken heart. He just said that he have really tried. I asked him what “tried” means. For him trying is to go and feel that your feelings dissapear without doing ANYTHING to get them back, just hoping it would pass. He never told me about it and he never tried to fix it by doing something romantic etc.
When I said “well, that’s not trying”, he said “well, maybe we have different definitions of what trying is”.
There was 1 weekend that made him think our relationship is not worth fighting for. We met at his parents (so we had no time alone again) for 2 days, and on day 1 he was out hunting until the afternoon, so we just saw each other in the evening that day, and on day 2 we were out hunting together. Because he didn’t feel that he was in love with me for 2 days he decided that he should break up… 2 days… I have no words.
I know if I work for this, he will fall in love again (because, you know, we had a great relationship), but it’s really hard. I just want to call him and tell him how much pain I feel, and scream to him because I think he is making the biggest mistake EVER.
I just feel that everything I sacrificed is not worth this. I just can’t go through this once again, so I have decided that if I won’t get him back I just don’t want to meet someone else either. This pain is not worth it. So the question is, what if we would get together again and he would hurt me again. I just don’t know if i want to put myself through that once again. Maybe It’s just better to be alone.
I am a very humble person, but I want to say that I am a well-liked girl. I am healthy and fit, always very kind and happy, soon highly educated, good moral and everything else a normal guy would want in a girl, and my boyfriend said several times during the time we were together that he didn’t think he deserved a girl like me, so why would he just dump me? Does he think that the grass is greener on the other side? Does he think that he can just pass the corner and find another girl that has all the same interests as him, that likes him, that he will have good chemistry with, a girl that he just knows would never ever ever cheat on him or hurt him in any way, and a girl that just wouldn’t leave him?
(I have flaws too, I know that, I am not a narcissist)
As you might have understood, I am not american (English is just my second language) and where I live it’s a part of the culture that people just give up relationships and marriages without even trying to fix problems, so I just have no belief anymore that I will meet a guy that will fight so hard for a relationship as I do. I thought that my ex was a exeption to the rule, but now I see that he was in fact not. What will it take for him to see my worth?? That maybe no girl will ever fight so hard for him? I said that to him actually, and he said “No, maybe I won’t ever meet a girl that will love me as much as you do”, and still he doesn’t want me…
I am writing all this because I need to get out all my pain, and I am crying so much that I think my computer will shut down soon because there is so much salt water in it now.
My ex says “but you’re so young. You will meet others”. But I really know that I will never find someone that I will love as much as I love him. I have been in relationships before, so that’s not just something I’m saying.
I am now finished with day 8 of the no-contact period. The first week of november I will ask him if he wants to come visit me for a few days before christmas when he is finished with his finals. (we can’t meet just for a cup of coffee as you might understand), and I have already asked him actually the day he came visit me to talk things out and he said he would think about it when things have calmed down a bit. I think that would be good for us, because we could go and do something fun like bowling or something together and watch some movies and stuff and just have a good time. I actually think he will come, because we always have such a great time together. In all the pain, that is what I live for now and look forward to.
I don’t know if anyone will reply to this, but I feel better getting things out. Thanks to everyone taking their time to read this.