I was hoping to maybe hear or read some other individuals stories on their personal experiences and of them actually successfully following this guide and getting their ex back.
Obviously everyone’s situation is going to differ, and the individuals differ as well. But I was really hoping to read some positive reinforcements on people getting back together and being happier than they had ever been before.
Or, if they are on their way to being back to the “Bliss” stages of their relationship, and maybe some steps they took during their breakup to really reinforce the idea of getting back together.
If this is already somewhere else, I apologize… But I really feel like it might help a lot of people.
Have you read my story? I haven’t got back him yet but after 26 days of NC he answered my call while he ignored all my calls and texts for one week before NC. Also we were with each other last weekend . I haven’t talked about the relationship and after the weekend we only talked shortly once that I called him. It seems as if he doesn’t want any relationship with me now But he talked to me warmly if I call him and I’m hoping if I can be his friend for a few months and he sees my change , he may het back to me again.
@Marin thats really good talking about the relationship isn’t something that should happen until you have built the connection again dn y’all are thinking about being back together, after that you have to talk about the relationship to make sure the bad stuff doesn’t happen again and you will be both in a different place to handle that talk. If you do it too early then their defense goes back up and breaks down all the work and the no contact.
@awesomeness814 i have done no contact with my ex before (about a year ago) we didn’t really speak for 3 months basically (but i went abroad to travel and be in a long distance relationship). It was 2 months i talked, and then i returned was still in the relationship but we became close friends during that time again and then fell back in love so its more than possible, you just have to reset your systems, and no contact is basically like a freezer for your feelings. It puts those feelings on ice so they can be thawed out and heated up later. But contacting them ruins that, kills their feelings and makes it really hard to bring back. Have to have faith in the process and be patient
Mosis Thank you for the hope. I was so happy when he answered my call 2 weeks ago and accepted to be with each other on the weekend. Our visit was great.But again he’s been distant and it seems as if he only wants me as a friend. I’ve been a little worried in the last days. I’m worried if he gets used to see me only once a month and not to talk as a girl friend boyfriend. On the other hand I’m hoping he sees my change during this period and may want me back again.
How long were you only friends before falling in love with each other again? When do you think is a good time for me to talk about the relationship or get back to me again? I like to tell him about my working on myself and going to a therapist to help me remove my weaknesses but I don’t know when is a good time to talk about this stuff.
We was friends for maybe 2 months. The first two weeks or maybe 3 i was back we talked a bit, not a lot. It started growing and we was talking more, until the point she ended up getting into a relationship. We became on a “best friend” level and thats when feelings started coming back, and thats when i mentioned i was in love with her BACK THEN and didn’t know how to handle that. But i didn’t do it to get back with her it was just honest conversation between friends.
Right now i think you are in the wrong mentality, after no contact you don’t reach being super close again already, it is just to get you on speaking terms where you might not have been before because the bad experience. You have to start from the bottom, talk about general stuff, day to day stuff. TV, mutual friends, gossip ect. That just opens up the lines of communication more and it makes you a go to when he gets that " i don’t know who else would get this like she does" as a friend. It gets you two back comfortable around each other.
Basically have to be yourself, which i know is hard and we are being more strategic since you have a goal you are trying to accomplish but this process could take a few months of rebuilding a solid friendship. So the time changes but the process does not.
You can’t even talk about you working on yourself, because it ties into the relationship and he will pick up on thinking you are wanting to get back together and he will be distant.
You have to be OKAY with being “friends” , its a False Friendship situation, you aren’t in the friend zone because you are recently broken up and he might still have feelings, they just aren’t strong enough yet and you have to make him feel that. Keep it friendly, make him comfortable again and steer away from relationship talk about you guys. He will see the changes, you just have to be you and be more confident and independent.
Mosis we saw each other the first weekend after I called him. It was last weekend about 10 days ago. His brother has been in the States recently for a visit and I invited him to take him to my place to visit this city. We live 5 hours drive with each other. They came over the weekend . Everything was good and we had a lot of fun. I called him 3 days after they left here .he talked warmly and shortly. He hasn’t called me yet. I texted him last night and just I said hello but he hasn’t answered.
when you text him and said “hello” is that all the text said? or did you elaborate into anything else? You should wait a few days at least before contacting him again to make sure he either text you back, or just to not look so desperate to talk. Possibly even a week if you can hold out. Just remember whenever you talk to him ESPECIALLY over text, it has to be something he can reply too. One word messages are for people who are back in that flirty range which he is not yet, he has to grow interest again. So any text that you send first needs to be conversational type messages. Like asking a question, or something like “i already miss your brother did he make it back okay?” stuff like that, things that don’t have to do much about you two, thats how you get him started on replying. Because just saying hi can mean ALOT of different things in his mind and kind of pressures him to wonder what it is you are going to say next. He might reply, but give it a few days - a week before you try again.
also you said you don’t have each other on fb and stuff right?
Mosis, he’s just texted me back this : Hi , I was sleeping when you texted me last night"
and I texted" Ok. NP. I just wanted to say hi and to say I missed you badly last night.
He hasn’t text me again.
I think I shouldn’t have told him about missing him, right?
When they were here over the weekend , we slept with each other, but during the day, he tried to be distant. He even didn’t hold my hands or didn’t do the stuff he used to do…when I told him that I missed him and happy to be around him , he only said" Thank you". We broke up 5 months ago and he’s been like this , only want to be friends. We fighted before NC and he ignored my calls for more than one week and …
There will be a concert by our favorite singer in his city on this weekend. I’ve been thinking of asking him if he likes to join me in the concert and I go there. Is it too early?
yeah you have to slow down, i mean we will see what he says to that missing him thing but its too soon.
but stay away from the emotional talk until you feel he is the one putting it out, remember to take it slow, build up positive experiences again, like the visit last time, and the concert ect. Focus on taking it slow and not so much talking about your feelings. I know it can be confusing because you slept with each other and you had a good time made you feel like the old times, but he has to get his system updated again. Don’t mention the concert, wait to see what he text back, if he does. It might take longer for him to reply to a message like that
We all fall into the trap don’t beat yourself up over it, you just have to learn and use it as motivation to not do it again. I don’t usually reply to my ex now when she text me, just because i don’t wanna say anything emotional that ill regret 10 min later. The emotions are usually the first reaction. Right now you just want to build up good experiences together and get back into his mind and his system of thinking about you, which you did a good job of with the visit, but can’t overload it too soon
sorry i mean to say when my ex text me i don’t usually reply fast. i take my time and think about it first. ending no contact and getting talking again is just a part of the battle to getting your ex back it isn’t the solution to get them emotional again, that takes timing and work
well i mean, i would wait until maybe tomorrow to ask him? It depends on how he reacts to you saying you are missing him. If he doesn’t respond positively as in relating to the feeling of missing you or wanting to you see you, i say don’t do it.
If he does, DO NOT continue talking about feelings, if he says he missed you too or thinking about you, keep it short and say something like "thats nice to hear " and then continue talking about your day or something completely off that subject. After that, before you say your goodbye for the day let him know you was going to go to a concert in his town this weekend for the artist if he wants to join you (but making it as if you are going regardless if he joins or not)
Yeah people in his position won’t really say much, he is basically at the same place he was at before the relationship ended. You know that point when you feel someone becoming distant, most people ignore the signs because their feelings, but during that time you have a chance to change how they feel before it completely ends. So the no contact has kind of brought him back to the speaking and slightly distant but still has feelings there. “Thank You” with no smileys or just smileys, and short answers with no real excitement.
If he doesn’t reply (because it is possible) don’t sweat it, and don’t bring it up to him about how he didn’t reply and def don’t say sorry about being emotional or anything or saying that you miss him. If he doesn’t reply to you and you actually want to go to this concert still with him, you should wait until tomorrow. (Thats if you really want to go) if not then just don’t contact him for a few days or a week.
And no problem I really appreciate the compliment and I enjoy helping others, I check my email frequent to give timely responses
He hasn’t answered my last message saying that I missed him. I sent it yesterday and I’m sure he won’t answer. Going to the concert is not important for me. I wanted to use it as an excuse to be with him. Do you think if it is better to wait on more week and offer to see him the other weekend? On the other hand, it seems that he doesn’t call me and if I don’t call him, we won’t have any contacts. I don’t want to disappear from his life. I think if I don’t call him either , his feeling may become less and less.
Have you read my story from the beginning? Do you think he has any good feeling towards me or like or love me? He was so warm and romantic with me before break up and we really enjoyed spending time together. But since the break up, in the last 5 months he wants to have me as a friend , talking and seeing once in a while. At the same tome by showing some signs I realized he doesn’t want to stop every connections . He knows that I love him but I don’t understand why he doesn’t close all doors if he doesn’t want me.
I used be very controlling, complainer and made some dramas and I know he is afraid of having relationship with me because of those headaches that I caused before. He doesn’t believe that I can change… . I think he dates another girl as well but I don’t know how close their relationship is.
Do you think if there is hope of having him as my boyfriend like before? Do you think if he still has feelings?
Yeah he likely wouldn’t respond to a text like that because it gives off the image that you need him vs you just enjoy his company when you guys are around. You just have to re program him. If he is seeing someone else this process could take a lot longer to pull off, in which case the friend card is your best in. If he has feelings for you, they aren’t strong like you are expecting.
You are playing a game basically, where you have to take what signs he gives you and make the best judgement but remember no matter what signs (even sleeping with you) should be over analyzed and used as an excuse to speed the process. Saying you miss him etc would only remind him of the old relationship and your goal is to come off as a completely new person basically who is done with the old way. You really have to fight the urge for emotional statements and reactions to him because it is like breaking the no contact rule just not you will be breaking the no emotions rule. If he has to talk about his emotions right now before he feels them, it won’t really be special to him, it turns from emotions to logic. And you don’t want him making a “logical” reason to be with you when his emotions aren’t there because it won’t last.
Now I’m not saying getting together is a guarantee, but as much as it hurts you have to keep the momentum of positive friendly meetings and conversations and tell yourself every time you have the urge to talk about the past, or talk about your emotions and feelings for each that if you act on that, it will set you back. Could be weeks or months with the smallest act of emotion too soon.
He has some form of contact so I’m sure he doesn’t hate you, so just take your time, don’t contact him for a bit maybe for a few days after the weekend and start light conversation again and start building the positive friendship. Don’t get TOO friend zone though, you are just suppose to talk about regular stuff, if he comes off trying to talk about other women don’t reply. Not saying he will just in case
Thanks Mosis, you are a great counselor. So next time that I call him in the next week, can I offer him to be with each other on the next weekend?
And how can I reprogram him?
I’m sure he is afraid of having relationship with me for the reasons that I gave you but I’m not sure if this is the only reason, or it may be also because of being attracted to another girl or having less feelings for me.
Offering to hangout really just depends on how the texting and calling goes. If you talk/text and talk about normal stuff or funny conversations, then that kind of brings him back down to the point he isn’t gonna be thinking so deep;y and free about you saying how much you missed him and stuff.
If the convo is going great, you can either drop it on him at the end of the conversation or at a high point when communication is going great. The other way is to end the conversation (but make sure you are the one ending the conversations before he is) because it is tempting to get excited and want to talk all day and night when you contact an ex again you have feelings for.
But yeah end the conversation first, on your terms. Nothing over sweet unless he is the one who starts it.
Reprograming him though is basically what you are doing, being friendly, hanging out a few times when you get the chance, and getting him used to/missing your company again. For every good experience you have, you don’t have to immediately talk about it after its over, and if you do, talk and then don’t talk to him the next day until late, so he has time to think about the good memories he just had.
I know this may sound complicated haha
but you can’t really think about his reasoning too much, just your actions and interactions with each other.Could be a lot of factors to him being “stand offish” he still is okay having you in his life to a certain level so you have to use whats handed right now
talking about the relationship isn’t something that should happen until you have built the connection again dn y’all are thinking about being back together, after that you have to talk about the relationship to make sure the bad stuff doesn’t happen again and you will be both in a different place to handle that talk. If you do it too early then their defense goes back up and breaks down all the work and the no contact.
did he make it back okay?” stuff like that, things that don’t have to do much about you two, thats how you get him started on replying. Because just saying hi can mean ALOT of different things in his mind and kind of pressures him to wonder what it is you are going to say next. He might reply, but give it a few days - a week before you try again.