Hey ya’ll! So I’m going to try and keep this as short and simple to make it as easy as possible.
Background: My ex(just turned 28) and I(24) have been together for a little over 3 years. He had been there for me through a lot, my mother passing away, and we even did long distance for six months during our second year together (he had a business opportunity in another state far away). I thought that might break us but it actually ended up making our relationship stronger. He was an amazing boyfriend to me… always supportive, always making sure I was OK, always making sure I had whatever I needed and he was always there for me as well and I was the same to him too. I had been in other long term relationships but I was never open with another guy like I was with him. It felt like we were both very invested in each other and that this relationship was serious. So he asked me to get a place with him about 7-8 months ago and I agreed to it because of how well our relationship was going.
Leading up to the break up: a week before we broke up, my ex started acting differently. He said he was depressed and going through something so I told him whatever he needed I’d be there for him. I asked if he wanted space, he said no. He had been having a lot of trouble at work and felt he was going to get fired so I thought that had to be the issue. He was worried about our finances. I kept being supportive, trying to make things easier for him all around but then his coldness started to turn to anger, which started to concern me. Suddenly everything became my fault - the apartment was too dirty because of me, I was stressing him out, I was nagging him too much, and so on (he was never like this before, ever). He stopped being affectionate with me, stopped kissing me, he stopped touching me all together which again was completely out of character for him because we were very affectionate and loving towards one another. He stopped saying “I love you” too, which really devastated me… probably the most out of everything else.
The break up: The arguments got worse, I got fed up for being blamed for everything when I was just trying to be supportive and I also got tired of trying to ask him what was wrong when he wouldn’t tell me anything. We agreed to give each other some time and I packed some stuff and went to stay with my dad, who I’m very close to, and his wife who live near us.
Post break up: My father (who was also close to my ex and thought he was a wonderful guy) was just as shocked as I was to see him acting this way. He had read some of the texts from my ex and how angry he was and my father became concerned. My father believes that my ex cheated on me or was having an affair of some sort because he can’t seem to explain his sudden change for any other reason. That could definitely be it, although I have no proof or evidence backing any sort of cheating on his part. I also don’t find him to be a cheater, but now I am not sure… I guess anything is possible.
The first week post break up was brutal. Arguing basically every day and this was my fault because he would say mean things to get a reaction out of me and I would respond back because I couldn’t control how angry and confused I was. I also asked him again what happened between us and all he said was that he wasn’t in love with anymore and it wasn’t going to work. What was even more odd was his ups and downs, where he would argue and say mean things to me one day and the next would tell me I was the best girlfriend he ever had and thanking me for being there for him and how much he loved me.
He even called my father and told him how sorry he was for everything and that he never wanted to hurt me. My dad didn’t know what to say so he just said “thank you” and that he appreciated his apology. I told my ex after that phone call that we clearly need some time apart and that emotions are crazy right now and that I’ll only be in contact with him if I need to get something from our apartment.
Thoughts now: So it’s been a little over two weeks since we broke up and about 3-4 days since I’ve heard anything from my ex. I am completely heart broken and confused and still have no idea what happened. I have decided though that if he did break up with me because he cheated on me, then I do not want to get back with him under any circumstances. I just know our relationship would never be the same and I had planned on marrying this person, which is something we talked about… but I wouldn’t be able to go forward with that in the future if he cheated. I know that for sure. I guess I just want to know what happened, but my father and close friends keep telling me that I may never get to the bottom of this and should try to move on. Should I try and initiate some sort of meet up in a few weeks to try to find out what happened or just let him come to me?
And although it is best that we aren’t talking with each other right now, it does hurt badly that I haven’t heard from him in a few days… makes me feel like he doesn’t care anymore.
Thank you for reading!
I have no idea what to make of this. Should I just ignore his messages if they’re mean? Thank you for your help. I really appreciate it.