I need your advice badly, because many people keep telling me to change the way I express myself to my ex-girlfriend and don’t believe the rewind strategy works. I will try to explain the situation.
On June 1 my girlfriend broke up with me and like most men I acted desperate (relationship of 5 years). In the following months I did 1 month of NC to work on myself. I became stronger and had the feeling I could talk to my ex-girlfriend again. On August 15 I wrote a short letter saying I accepted the break-up, apologized and told her something wonderful happened in my life. Next, she went on a short 1 week vacation and at the end of it she asked when we could meet. Our first meeting was on August 27 which went great and we talked about things happening in our life. After a few days she contacted me again with some random message and we called. I made a mistake saying that we should do something fun someday and she responded not now and questioned if I only wanted to be friends with her.
It was her birthday on August 30 and I offered that she could held the birthday over at our house and I would be gone (this is the day after I kinda screw up insisting we could do something fun someday). I offered this because she told me that she didn’t really want to celebrate her birthday over at her parents where she stays right now. She had to think about it but later accepted it. On the day of her birthday I removed all pictures of us together to make sure she knows I am dead serious about nothing more than friends. On the day itself she cancelled it at the end of the day saying it doesn’t feel good. September 3 we had a second meeting over at my place and we had a nice conversation about what’s going on in our life. She’s still staying with her parents and want to move further (selling the house for example, or that I move out of the house so she can stay in it). I don’t want to make such important decisions as of yet but It felt in order to stay positive and ‘cool’ I had to play along but don’t help her that much.
Its driving me crazy, I am getting all sort of signals. She says she wants to move forward , but still she leans on me making decisions like to rent a house herself. She also told me she cried for hours after seeing the pictures of us together were removed and the next thing she says ‘I planned to do the same’. When I try to remind her of the good old times, for example by giving her some photographs of a nice vacation we had, she just refuses because it’s too hard for her to handle right now. She wants everything to be normal and move forward without looking back to the past. I have a feeling she did something during the break-up she doesn’t want to tell me and that’s why she suddenly wants to move forward faster than before. It also looks like she’s copying my behavior and acting strong and cool. I am sure she’s not.
Should I stick to the game plan of change course? I know she already noticed the changes I have made in my life and become a better person. She even told me she noticed and likes it very much. She’s happy that I have become a better person and but it looks like this confirms her decision it’s better for me that we break-up. Should I wait and be low on contact from now? I am afraid she sees me as a close friend and/or we will end up fighting about the house before things will become better.
Its difficult to plan a next meeting where we can have fun (I think she will just refuse it if I offer). I also found it difficult to bring up nice memories. I tried to change some background image on Facebook that worked pretty good I guess (she didnt become online on facebook for the next 2 days…)
Could you please share your thoughts what would be the best things to do from now?
Hey,
Don’t concentrate on what she may be thinking or what may happen in the future.Stop thinking about anything negative and focus on yourself.Be happy,cool and confident.
You can use the something reminded me of you text to remind her of the good memories.
I think she still has feelings for you.She needs to find a reason to convince herself to get back with you.You should make positive changes in your life.The more the positive changes,the more you can attract her.You should attract her again and that takes time.You should be patient.Play everything cool and take everything slow.
Don’t talk about getting back together or the break up until the fourth meeting from now.And the fourth one has to be a perfect date.
You are not being friend zoned until she starts talking about her feeling for another man.
I highly suggest you to read Relationship Rewind by Ryan Rivers.It explains everything you need to know about the falsefrienship and what exactly you need to do.
Thank you so much for the great support. I really appreciate your help. It should be possible to make donations for people like you who are really helpful on this board.
I have a copy of relationship rewind but to be honest it doesnt cover that much on the subject false-friendship. It’s damn hard maintaining a false friendship and dont lose control. I don’t feel comfortable in this phase at all and it feels like im holding on with my last hopes. I will try to concentrate on myself more.
Im pretty sure my ex-girlfriend did something last weekend she regrets doing and thats why she suddently wants to move forward so fast (drugs or possible sex with a rebound im not sure of). She was hiding something and was shocked when she saw me in a club that she left because of me. Both ways shows shes not in a good shape. Is it also possible she wont try to come back because she thinks im done with it?
Im about to give up. I cant handle it any longer and getting more depressed everyday. I am sure she did something she regrets and dont want to talk about it. Instead shes trying to rush things. I feel like I have to do another NC of tell her about my real feelings.
Its so confusing. She persist to sell the house and next week she has a appointment for renting a house. I think she maintains contact with me because of this and is not interested in me anymore. However, she does say that she likes we can talk normal to each other and we can sort things out and should be happy about the 5 years we had together.
I quess I will try to move forward and takeover the house completely if I can. Giving what she wants. Today I had a talk with her on the phone and she was very strong and happy about her life. Im not sure if she is, its more like self protection and holding her defense.
Guess ill have to start thinking more about myself what you already mentioned. For now, it feels like I cant and have to do something.
Hey,
Most of the times when it comes to breakups,moving on would be the best decision but there are still some people who want to try and endure the pain.Its really your decision to make but i’m sure no matter what happens,you’ll be fine.
A.z. I would like to thank you once again for the support and advice. You are honest and are great asset on this board. Keep it up!
It sounds crazy, but I am a person who will try to endure the pain and keep hoping as long as possible instead of walking away. However, I can’t handle it anymore seeing my mental and physical state. I should have done a longer NC, because obvious it’s clear that I wasn’t ready for the false-friendship after doing 1 month of NC. For everyone who reads this, make absolutely sure you are ready to move on to the next phase after NC.
I still believe she wants to sell the house before telling me what really happened. I didn’t ruin the false friendship, but for me it’s at dead end. When I am stronger and time has passed, I will just tell her about my feelings and see what happens.
