Excellent. Show confidence when you meet and remain strong if he gets emotional. You want him to come to you.
Thank you and yes I do want that. I dont know if its best to keep it casual and see if he wants to meet again or still keep it casual but tell him what i have learnt since the breakup and show growth? I suppose it will be hard to figure out until i see him and figure out what he wants from this meet up.
For now I would just keep it casual and let him say if he wants to meet up again.
After a few days of texting i find out he is now on a couple dating sites. So guess this meet up is just an ego stroke. I want to make it work but it feels hopeless.
Honestly I would cancel it. Make an excuse about wanting to meet up with friends. It sounds like he is keeping you as his safety net should the dating sites not work out.
Did he tell you that he is on a dating site or did a friend tell you?
A friend told me she saw his profile. It must be fairly recent too as it has only just popped up.
I was still planning on going because of what if’s but i am starting to feel like this all may be just an ego boost for him now he has seen me moving on. I never, ever thought he could be like this.
This was what I was saying is exes feel worthless and we shouldn’t, we are all awesome people and deserve to be loved so hold on to your dignity
I agree. Im going to go for me to show myself how far i have come. Ill come out the other side of this a better person. Oddly, this is the best i have felt since it happened. Im letting go.
So after a week of texting, with him initiating as much as me, the texting stopped over the weekend. He cancelled our meet up due to work commitments and apologised saying how much he was looking forward to it but he has not suggested re arranging. Not sure if he wanted me to suggest it but i didn’t. Ive now deleted him and mutual friends off social media because i dont want to see how how happy/moving on he is. Last week i had a lot of hope, a week later it looks more desperate than ever and i dont see us coming back from this. He seems to have really turned a corner and i guess i need to too.
It sounds like he was fishing and trying to gauge your interest by not suggesting another time to meet up.
It is good that you have cut him out of your life completely as it will help you move on.
You deserve better than the games that he was playing on you.
Another week, another saga! We are now meeting tomorrow. Think im going to go but im going to say what i feel and put it out there one last time. Im tired of the hot and cold! Then the response i get will give me all i need to know.
Thank you for your kind words!
It’s so sad that people who are trying to get married get into games like these 
keep up your good work on yourself, as they all say, you deserve better than these hot n cold stuff.
I had/ am having somewhat the same situation, I was planning on proposal with a girl that I still utmostly love, but she is having a kind of FwB relationship with one of her distant colleague while meeting with me for coffee and talking maybe every 2 weeks/1 month. I sent her the elephant letter, a handwritten one, posted from abroad and I’m curious what her reaction will be.
Hope your letter went well Robertv!
I met up with my ex and i said that i realised i had made some mistakes when we were together and that i was taking steps to address those issues. He was asking questions and seemed interested to hear more. We said i love yous at the end and continued to text. I decided to send him an email saying i still had feelings and friendship wouldnt be what i was looking for. He replied straight away saying that he loved me but wanted to only be friends. I was not as upset as i thought i might be and we didnt talk for a few days. Contact started back up but i kept my distance and then out of the blue he turned up at mine with a silly excuse as to why he was there but saying he was so glad i was home and he had really needed to see me. We met up the next day (pre-arranged) to talk about break up stuff but he didnt want to and instead he wanted to catch up and hear about my family/what i had been up to. He was constantly touching me and getting emotional. Again more texting and he came round yesterday and spent the day with me. It was lovely and he admitted he was not happy and did not know what he wanted but would not elaborate. There were times when i thought he wanted me to kiss him but i didnt want to put myself out there to get knocked back. I kept it together throughout and kept conversation light. He must know i am not waiting for him to come back, it would be nice but it would need a lot of work. We are talking lots and have plans to meet up again next week. Is there something here or am i being used?
I would say let it play out and see where it is going.
I find this so useful to update and look back on.
We did not meet up last weekend, instead he popped round for a coffee before he had to be at work. He got upset and said that he felt he had been leading me on which is why he had decided not to spend the weekend with me. I explained that I was not trying to actively win him back as I had accepted the break up and had just enjoyed seeing him but he didnt seem convinced. I said maybe we shouldn’t see each other anymore and he said that isnt what he wants and asked to meet again for lunch the following week. Which we did but he didnt seem to want to be there, it was awkward.
I think he got scared off at how much he still seems to need me. I’ve tried to play cool and continue to do more things for myself and I am getting stronger. Its like 2 steps forward and 50 steps back. I honestly dont understand how he can just walk away and act so sure but seem so miserable.
That is just how some people are. When they have convinced themselves of something then no one can convince them otherwise. I have done that myself more than enough times to know that he must come to the conclusion by himself. There is nothing that you or anyone else can say or do to convince him.
I think it would be best for you to stop contacting and seeing him. That should get him to see things clearly faster.
I think that is what all this, he genuinely believes this is the right call and will see it through. He said at the start he knows things will not be good for a long time but will be better in the end and that is what he is holding on for. I will limit contact and give him lots of space.
But how long is long enough for him? Months? Years? I don’t think you should wait around.
Any update?