Some Questions About No Contact

Hey everyone,

So I am in day 16 of No Contact and my ex texted me last night. She was asking how I have been and how my final exams turned out. My initial instinct after reading this site was just to ignore her. However, there are a few things that are making me reconsider that and just sending her a short “Good. Finals went really well.”

The first thing is that she had some friends (who I am still friends with) who shut her out of their lives a few months back. The friends just stopped texting her, have been avoiding her, and at this point have not explained why they shut her out. To my knowledge, those friends haven’t responded to her in months and we were still together when that started and I know it hurt her really badly. So, my first concern is that she will think that now that she broke up with me I am doing the same thing.

Second, when I woke up this morning I saw on Facebook where she posted late at night after she texted me and I didn’t respond saying she wished that “people would be straightforward and honest with her if they have a problem instead of always being so passive aggressive.” This could be about me, but it’s a decent possibility that it is about someone else as she did text me around 9pm last night and then she posted that around 11pm. I doubt she would do something like that after only two hours.

So, should I give her a short response? If it changes anything, we broke up on good terms.

Also, we bought Christmas presents before we broke up and when we broke up we said that we would still exchange gifts. However, the gift exchange (if we do it around Christmas) would be within less than 30 days of No Contact. Should I still meet with her to do that later this month or should I find some way of pushing it back a bit?

Thanks in advance everyone.

@ThatOneGuyWithTheFace - If the no contact wasn’t a mutual agreement and you ended on good terms, it would be polite and respectful to send a brief reply. Your note sounds fine, but maybe add “Thank you for asking and hope you have been good too. Is there a convenient day or time for you when we could exchange our Christmas gifts?” I don’t know how long you were together or why she broke up with you, but hopefully both of you have been thinking about the reasons in order to possibly make at least a nice meeting possible. Don’t pay any attention to social media.
Good luck

@patricia12 - Thanks for the advice! I did as you said and we met up, exchanged gifts, and briefly chatted before I told her I had to go. It seemed to go really well and she even mentioned multiple times about wanting to come by my place sometime next semester! We’re from the same hometown and go to colleges that are basically next to each other.

I am kind of confused about where to go from here though. Should I continue NC and finish off the 30 days? If I pick up from when she first contacted me that would be 14 days left on NC. So, should I just do two more weeks of NC, restart and give it another month, wait until next semester, or start moving out of NC?

Also, some additional info since you mentioned it, we had been together for almost 1.5 years. She ended things because she said her first semester of college was really stressing her out and she couldn’t handle a relationship right now. We broke up on good terms although she did specifically make a note that she didn’t feel comfortable at the moment being friends, but she did stress that we were on good terms with each other when we broke up. Hope some of that helps.

Thanks in advance.

@ThatOneGuyWithTheFace - Glad you had a good meeting! Since she mentioned (at the meeting) that she wouldn’t feel comfortable being friends at the moment, maybe another 2 weeks of no contact and then very slowly start texting, emailing, or calling. But not often! When you say she mentioned wanting to come by your place sometime next semester (a good sign), does it mean to your campus? When does the next semester start? And when exactly was the break up? Was it early December? Sorry for all the questions, just trying to get a handle on all this, lol.

@patricia12 - Haha, it’s fine.

So, we broke up at the very beginning of December and that’s when she mentioned that she didn’t feel comfortable being friends at the moment but that we were on good terms. Sorry, looking back I realize I made it sound like she said it at the meeting.

As far as coming by my place next semester, I have my own apartment near my college. I came back to our hometown and have spent a few days at my parent’s house for the holidays, but I am going back to my apartment soon due to having a job back there and working there. So when she mentioned coming by my place, she is talking about my apartment back near my college.

Also, the start of next semester is January 16th.

@ThatOneGuyWithTheFace - That’s even better, that she didn’t mention the friend thing when you met to exchange gifts. So it’s been about a month since the break up and she’s had a little time to reflect on her reason for the decision to break up with you, but maybe just not ready to reconcile. Most women think that if the relationship was good over all without severe issues, that being on good terms and getting back together as friends and taking that kind of relationship very slowly, could lead to getting back into a loving romantic relationship again at some point. I don’t know if men are of the same opinion, but it might eventually happen in your case because the reason she gave for the break up was stress with college and she will likely settle into a routine and calm down about it…
Wishing you the best of luck:) And Happy New Year!

@patricia12 - That’s comforting to hear. Thank you for all of the advice and everything.

Just wanted to make sure I understood you though. So, I should wait about two weeks and then contact her again, correct? Also, she texted me last night to ask me if I had heard a girl we knew had gotten pregnant. The way she phrased it seems like she wants to provoke some response from me: “[Girl’s Name] is pregnant. Did you know that?”

I didn’t respond yet, but should I just give her a quick reply and then go NC or just ignore it?

Again thank you for everything and I hope you have a Happy New Year yourself!

@thatoneguywiththeface - Funny name you have there, lol. I’m guessing the girl isn’t married to the father of the baby. Don’t even know if the guy is her boyfriend. Going through a pregnancy without the ‘father’ can be stressful. Add to that, concern if the baby will be healthy at birth. You could write a very brief reply stating you either heard or didn’t, but (hope) or (pray) the baby will be born healthy. Then say, “Looking forward to seeing you next semester”. Then go no contact. Have you left your hometown yet? If you’re still there, there is a slight chance she sent that text maybe hoping you would ask to see her again before you leave. Just a thought, but tread lightly… See if she replies to your brief note maybe hinting to see you again before you leave. If not, go no contact if she doesn’t reply again or it’s just a casual polite reply.

@patricia12 - Hey, sorry for the late reply. Things were kind of busy around New Years and with heading back up to my apartment and everything. Just wanted to say thanks for all the advice! I followed all your advice, we chatted briefly after I sent the text about the baby, and then I resumed NC. There didn’t really seem to be any casual or good way to ask to see her again, so I just let it go as a polite reply to her text.

I’m back up at my apartment now, so I suppose I won’t see her until sometime next semester, and I’m resuming NC for the time being.

Thank you for everything so far!