It’s called acceptance! Once you continue to learn how to accept things with your ex, things will become a whole lot easier for you to handle. It may still be upsetting at first but then it won’t matter.
Acceptance has certainly been one of the hardest lessons I’ve had to face and definitely the one I struggle with most, but I had a feeling last night and today about how it’s going to be okay and that I’ve done what I could. Anything else would make me look desperate or needy, and I already spent a month preventing that. No need to erase all that progress I made!
Well she just texted me a little while ago saying she had some time to day to meet up so I’ll post an update after I get back!
Update:
@ellie96 @oshi @between1standa
So this conversation was really different than the one we had a week ago. It was very blah and she seemed very distant, almost as if she was only there because I told her I wanted to see her. And at the very end is when she dropped the bomb. Here’s the end of the conversation:
Her: Are you going to be independent?
Me: What do you mean?
Her: Are you going to be single?
Me: Yea, I mean I’m just using this time to meet people and make new friends and well, you know (by that I meant that I still wanted her and she knew what I was talking about)
Me: What about you?
Her: Probably not. I’m just using this time to get my stuff together and then other guy’s name and I will probably be seeing each other when the fall semester starts. (This is the guy she got into a rebound relationship with right after she broke up with me. Here is the link to what happened in the break up with the other guy if you’re curious.) I just wanted to tell you since I would see you next semester in class. (Other guy will be in the same class).
Me: Huh. Well, I hope it works out for y’all.
Me: Do you think there was ever a possibility at a second shot for us?
Her: I don’t know, maybe. Second chances don’t really work to me because they’re never the same.
Me: Well I stand by what I said after we broke up and how I said I was going to fix my stuff
Her: I know, I can tell you’ve changed. It’ll probably be a good fit for someone else.
Me: Well I thought you were a good fit for me
Me: Like I said last week, if you ever change your mind, just give me a call.
Her: Thanks
Me: Well I just asked you out here to say good luck with your internship and to have a good summer and I guess I’ll see you next semester.
Her: I hope you have a good summer too.
I got up and walked and said I’ll see ya around as I walked away. So basically it pretty obvious now. She doesn’t want me back and she’s going to be dating that other guy the next time I see her. I felt like a hole has been punched straight through my heart.
She wouldn’t have said that last part you said she said if there wasn’t some sort of care. I’m just saying, there is no doubt in my mind that she scared herself. Second chances are awkward at first and can be faced with a lot of confusion and it scares a lot of people away who have some serious problems. People who don’t have their stuff figured out struggle like this. But she wouldn’t have acted the way she did at first. Problem is, she has to get her shit together and you need to understand that you aren’t the problem no matter how bad it hurts. Another thing is “I don’t know. Maybe” she wouldnt say “maybe” if You don’t mean anything. Let her do her thing and you do your thing. Begin to officially move on, and that starts with acceptance. Even though I’m doing “NC” I really am moving on and accepting the fact that it may never be. However, even though it is a bit hard, it’s worth it. I feel so much better moving on because I decided I’m not going to be miserable over someone because life is too short. A day or two is fine because it is part of the grief cycle, but it is better. You never can predict what happens in the future. If its meant to be, it will be. I promise.
Well I thought about it after I typed and I couldn’t edit my post any more. When I asked her about the possibility of a second chance, she only said “I don’t know,” there was no maybe at the end of it. Honestly, her demeanor was just so different than just a week ago when we talked. I don’t think she’s going to miss me, but it’s like you said, I have no idea what’s going to happen in the future
My best friend came by earlier tonight to help cheer me up and it worked for a little while and I was doing fine actually. After she left, it started to sink back in an it hurts so bad. I can’t stop remembering our first date when I first took her hand, cheesy jokes we had, etc. and no matter how hard I try to not think about them, they keep coming back up.
I know there’s nothing I can do anymore, I can’t try to get her back anymore or talk to her or anything like that. This is just really, really hard
It’s great that she is leaving though… that is a big way to help you I promise. You need her to leave because it will make it easier I promise. You have to remember that you will be able to find that with someone else…
But I’m just saying that the flip during just 1 week means she definitely scared herself. No doubt she meant what she said before hand because she wouldn’t have said it, but she scared herself. Even though it’s tragic, you have one amazing friend and that just shows you that there are absolutely amazing people out there who truly care about you. Your ex has no clue what she wants (just like mine only my situation is a bit different) and it makes it hard on everyone. But I promise this situation is on her mind and she will miss you. She already missed you once. It’s her problem though and it has nothing to do with you. I don’t want to be harsh towards her, but she needs to get her shit together, and the problem is she might not. but like I said, that’s her problem. The fact that she goes from guy to guy shows a couple things: 1) She is trying to fill a void in some issues that she has in life. 2) There is no guarantee that she would’ve even been a faithful girlfriend, I mean the fact that she acts like that and it just proves it. At this point, you are better off just like me.
I know how you feel. You can’t stop thinking about them and the memories just keep lingering on your mind. I heard before this quote that really helps me “Lock all those thoughts away in a box and place it in the corner of your heart”. It looks like she cares about you, but she has to figure out what she wants. And I think this time alone will make her think and even miss you. If she really loves you then she will back back. It’s not so easily to stop loving someone, by meeting you and saying “I don’t know” it seems like she still cares and might have some sort of feelings but maybe she’s confused right now. The best thing at the moment would be to move on for your own sake. If she wants anything then she will reach out to you. What meant to happen will happen. You never know what the future holds. Don’t worry! We are all here to support you!
Also don’t blame yourself for anything! You did fine! It’s her fault and the blame is on her! I’m sure she’ll realize what she’s missing eventually but it might take some time. And this summer vacation is your best way to make her think and miss you.
@ellie96 I believe you that something happened during that one week, but what do you mean by she scared herself?
@oshi Thanks a bunch for that, that really means a lot
If both of y’all think she really will miss me, still cares, or just doesn’t know what she’s doing, I guess I can find comfort in that. And that doesn’t mean I’m going to hold onto that and start hoping again, but it does take some of the uneasiness away. How can you tell she doesn’t know what she wants? I’m definitely going to start moving on for my own good, I think that’s the only choice presented in this situation.
Because she doesn’t know what she wants and then she becomes overwhelmed and gets scared. It happens to people all the time. Second guesses are a huge impact. She doesn’t know what is right for her yet.
Ok, that makes sense. I guess it’s time now to bite the bullet and keep moving forward because wondering/worrying about it is only going to hold me back while she continues to do her own thing. She may care, she may still have feelings for me, and she may still want to talk to me, but right now she’s not going to let me know any that and I need to accept that.
Exactly. It’s hard at first but what you have to remember is if she regret it once, she will again. The thing is, you guys heaven he been together within a month. She hasn’t fixed herself and you’ve worked on yourself. She is nowhere near improved and that holds her back.
You think she’s just going back to the rebound guy because he’s probably still a rebound? I mean they only dated for like a week and did nothing and then said she was a wreck the following weeks after until we first talked and it was good. Now she’s already talking to him again? I mean they may not be together but the plan for him to go visit and then start seeing each other in the fall? Does that sound like a prolonged rebound or something?
Oh heck yeah. Seriously. He is a big rebound. He, at this point, fulfills the emptiness she carried when she lost you. But she is going to keep going back to that because she is a lot closer with you and it will hurt her more to be with you, than him. I don’t think you should worry about him. Worry about yourself.
You’re right, the more I think about him/her/them and whether he’s a rebound or not or if they won’t work out, I’m looking for hope rather than moving on and I need to move on. It doesn’t matter what happens with them, whether it does or doesn’t since it’ll just hold me back.
Exactly. You can come here and vent whenever you need to. But as far as that goes, do not let it take over your life. That’s what I’m doing. If you have noticed that I haven’t been on my board and mentioned anything about my ex (yet) it is because I am not letting it over power my life. When I have something to vent about, I will come on here and vent. Then I will pick up the pieces and move on.
I did notice that actually! And y’all have definitely helped set me up to move forward and not let it get to me like it has. The new goal for now is to exactly what you’re doing.
Trust me, it is very beneficial 
And I know I will have my weak moments and you will too but that is normal and it will make you stronger