Should I just give up?

reconciliation
1

My boyfriend and I broke up two weeks ago, after 8 months together. He’s 30, I’m 29. This isn’t the first time we broke up-- we broke up around the 6 month mark because he was feeling depressed about his life and was having a hard time getting excited about life, including us; he also felt like we had to start thinking about whether or not we were willing to move in with each other and get married (to which I replied he was thinking way too far ahead). We got back together a week later after I asked to meet up and we talked through his thoughts and I shared what I was thinking— I made it clear that it was his choice whether or not we got back together, and he chose to get back together.

The next couple of months we were together were stressful because we both had a lot abnormally stressful work and family issues going on separately, but we still managed to find some time to spend together, even though that time was basically just sitting on the couch and watching TV as well as dealing with a family emergency I had (which I think made him even more stressed). My ex then left town for a couple of weeks for work and I went out of town for a couple of weeks to deal with family issues. Right before we were supposed to return, he asked to video chat. When we did, he told me that he wanted to break up. He said he just wasn’t feeling excited about seeing me, talking to me, planning things with me anymore, and that he wasn’t missing me when he wasn’t around. He said he’s felt that way for a while. But he told me that when we do hang out he has so much fun, that he loves me and cares about me, and that I’m one of his best friends. I told him that I understand, but that I thought it was circumstantial (as well as a normal part of the end of the honeymoon period) and we could work on it. He told me that he wasn’t sure, and that he thought our relationship just wasn’t “it”. I told him I disagree but I respect his decision. Since then, I’ve been NC-- I even unfriended him on Facebook, which I told him I would do when we were breaking up because it would be too hard for me to have access to him like that. He hasn’t got in touch with me at all. Do you think I should wait for him to come back? Is there even hope? Or should I just start moving on?

I’m thinking of waiting about 5-6 weeks and if I don’t hear from him, let him go. Thoughts?

2

@jodi - Stress can wreck havoc on a relationship, but only if you let it change how you’re interacting with each other. It’s encouraging that he said he loves you and had some fun times being together. You’ve probably heard the expression to leave the stress of work problems at the door. It means don’t dwell on or talk too much about problems unless working together to solve them. The main focus should be on love. Too much negativity is draining. I think there’s hope and this time apart will give him a chance to think more clearly. No contact is for you to realize and try to understand your part in the breakup and to make self improvements in those areas. If you haven’t heard from him by 6 weeks, ask if you two could go out together to have some much needed and deserved fun together leaving all your worries behind.
If he’s severely clinically depressed, the only thing that might help is seeking the professional advice and counseling from a therapist.

3

Thanks, @patricia12 . It’s hard, I’ve been re-playing our last conversation over and over in my head. If he doesn’t feel like this relationship is “it” and he isn’t willing to fight for us, is it worth chasing after him? I doubt I’ll hear from him first and I’m worried he’s pretty confident in his decision. Also, if we get back together because I reached out to him, doesn’t that set a precedent for the rest of our relationship and make our relationship unbalanced?

I guess I’m just having my doubts…