I’ll try and keep this as brief and to the point as I can:
My boyfriend and I were dating for a little over a year. We are both 31. When we first met, it was instant chemistry and we quickly fell in love. We got along great, hardly ever fought, and loved each other very much. At times I felt I could not love another man more.
We were happy. I met his parents (they live far away), he spent holidays with my family. I was devoted to him and really let him in to my life. We spoke about marriage and moving in. We even were planning an epic road trip to California that we were really looking forward to.
One night I was cooking dinner and he came over, like any other night. He completely blindsided me, dumped me, and dropped off all the stuff (my clothes, etc.) that I had at his house. And that includes our camping gear for our trip. I was DEVASTATED. For weeks I couldn’t hold it together. I tried to angle it all different ways but he was adamant and his explanation was that he simply did not see a future with me. He loved me very much, but no future. I was so crushed. I did contact him perhaps a week or so after pretty frequently just begging him for answers. I did a lot of crying and sent a lot of texts indicating I was in pain.
Eventually, upon reading advice from this website, I decided I was going to implement the no contact rule. I really do need some perspective about our relationship. Time apart would help me. So far its been about 12 days.
During the time of no contact I realized I was being very needy. I was unhappy with certain aspects of my life and used marriage and a future as an answer to my problems and to alleviate my frustration. Instead of a joyous and bright venture, I turned that into a way for me to cope with my own unhappiness. I was making him live by my timeline and being controlling by creating my own version of our future. I was on him about his finances and constantly made comments about how I wanted to just get on with it. I know that is what pushed him away. I know he felt very pressured.
Of course I am still very sad and miss him. I want nothing more to salvage this. My friends tell me I should let it go, and that I can’t trust him because he did not communicate that he was having doubts and blindsided me, essentially keeping his true feelings a secret. But I feel like we can heal and both of us can change. I know that’s something he would be on board with given the fact he still even has feelings for me and wants to be with me.
Our relationship was very special and was always good up until then. If he is on board, I want us to take the steps for both of us to be better. My trip to California is coming soon and I have substituted my sister in his place. It will be nice to get a change of scene. I was thinking after I return (a month of no contact will have been complete) of reaching out to him and telling him my realizations. Also wanted to offer for us to try again, take it slow, and work on our issues.
Do you guys think this is worth my time and effort to try and reconcile with him?