Should I break NC / Do I still have a chance?

reconciliation
1

Hi Guys,

I am new in this forum and I would really love to hear some oppions on my situation and if I should contact her.

To the situation:

My ex and me got together spring 2018 while I was doing an internship in Madrid. She is spanish and I am german. We had a really good relationship and from winter 2018 until march 2020 we were having a LDR. It was working really well, we could see each other at least every month for a week.

And in september I am going to start my master in Madrid, we were so happy about that.

Then corona came into play: She was forced in spain to be in quarantine and locked up in the flat for 3 months.

On the other hand, I had a really busy job in Germany literally working 12h a day and so over these hard months, there was basiclly no communication between us and „sexual spark“ (her words). And beacuse of corona, we couldn’t see each other.

Then in june she broke up, really emotional with me with the famous words „ I love you, but Im not in love with you anymore and it is just not our moment“. I told her, I accept the decision and didn’t beg or pled.

Then i july I had to be in Madrid for a few days, because of my upcoming master. We met up to talk and she was really emotional about the break up and crying and wanting me to hug her etc. and telling she missed me a lot but not talking about getting back toghether.

Then 3 weeks ago I asked her on the phone, if she wanted just to talk really light hearted, to keep communication. She then send me a VM saying, „No, it would be just weird, I’m sorry“.

Since then I went completly into NC.

Next week I am moving to Madrid for my master finally and I am not sure if I should contact her and maybe try meet up and try to evolve a new relationship from their on or to stay in NC until she reaches out to me. What would you do in my situation?

And do you think, I have a decent chance to get back with her at one point?

I would love to hear some honest answers, thank you :slight_smile:

BTW (I don’t know if that is important): I noticed on IG, she still has our pictures and is wearing again my heart necklace, that I gave her on christmas, does she maybe starts to miss me?

2

@peterpangerl Strong feelings of love do not fade or disappear over the span of only a few months! Were there any problems or issues during the relationship?

About a week after arriving in Madrid you should contact her and ask if she would like to go for a walk or something like that… If she continues to be adamant about her breakup decision, start NC again.

You might have a chance to reconcile if the relationship was mostly a happy one. But if she’s very young, maybe she would want to date other guys to determine if someone else would suit her better. It’s difficult to say. She would be the one to let you know other reasons she decided to break up with you other than “not in love” with you anymore…

Trying to guess or understand her by looking at social media will only result in confusion.

Wishing you luck:)

3

@patricia12

Thank you for your answer, I will consider reaching out to her after coming to Madrid :slight_smile:

The relationship was most likely a happy one, we we’re always so happy, when we could see each other and spend time together and she was really looking forward for me beeing with her in the same city again aswell.

I think the reason, after analyzing what she tould me and revisiting the last weeks before the breakup, was most likely an ongoing downwards spirale of miss communication, caused a lot aswell beacuse of the circumstances. And she even told me that, after seeing her the last time in Madrid, that she is misearable and knows, that if circumstance would not have been like that, everything would be completly different:

I didn’t had time because of the work to speak with her and when, she said I was not making it any kind of interesting, just speaking about daily stuff and work and no “sexual spark or interesting conversation to keep the fire alive”.
And she wanted to have that, because she felt lonely over a lot of weeks, beeing quarantined with people she don’t really like and I just didn’t pay attention to that. Therefore she didn’t feel like answering my messages, or a day later and then I got frustated with that and start to write even less and so on and arguing about that. So like a downwards spirale if that makes sense :slight_smile:

Thank you, I hope I will have another chance to see her and maybe start over under new circumstances :slight_smile:

4

@peterpangerl You should have both been happy to hear from each other even though you were both busy and quarantined. There should have been no complaints/anger/arguments or revenge type comments etc…

Even though the relationship time was more long distant than in person, I’m sure her feelings for you are still there… If she agrees to meet up with you in Madrid, shower her with affection and loving words. Tell her you’ve missed her. In person words and behaviors are much more meaningful than texts, emails, and even phone conversations. And yet those types of communication can sustain the love through times of being physically distant from each other.

Let us know of any updates after you arrive in Madrid and contact her. I’m assuming you’ll be living fairly close to each other… Please stay safe! COVID-19 is very contagious.