I have been with my wife for almost 8 years, married for 3, and have a amlost 3-year old daughter together. We work together (own a fish & chip shop).
I’m a quite laid by guy who hasn’t done much around the house, she normally tells me to do things and I always say ‘later’. I suppose you couls say that she wears the pants. And that is totally my fault.
She has told me before that she was fed up before but still decided to stay with me, but about 2 weeks ago, she suddenly said that shes had enough, and she doesn’t like me anymore. And she means it. She also mentioned to give her some space.
In the meantime she has started WhatsApping one of my best friend (who is a guy) everyday (first thing in the morning until last thing at night and that really ticks me off. I also constantly check if they are both online together and they are, which makes me suspicious.
I’m trying to give her some space with No Contact but I think its not helping as she is getting attention from my best friend.
I’ve sneakily checked her messages about what they talk about, generally its just normal stuff, but they send each other so many 'xxxxxxx’s and kiss/love emojis at each other. She has also mentioned to him that ‘shes fed up, if only he knew’, whatever that is implying towards him… :S
I know that they are constantly messaging each other and every time I walk into a room where she is in, she puts her phone down and pretends not to be doing anything. And when I walk out she uses it again on WhatsApp as I check again, and they are both online chatting again.
I dont know why she would hide it though…
A couple days later I got really annoyed that I confronted her about it. Then she got really defensive, saying ‘I cant believe you would think that’, and ‘you’re crazy’ and ‘i cant believe you are like that’.
But i’ve gone through it so many times in my head and it seems like she is starting to be emotionally attached to him.
In the meantime, I’ve told my (boy)friend that my wife and i need to sort some things out, and I asked him if he could stop messaging her (i said to him that i always see her messaging him on whatsapp) for a week or two (i sent him a whatsapp message and told him not to say anything about this to her).
He agreed to this, then the next few days he is still messaging her constantly. What i mean by this is first thing in the morning (about 9am) during the day when hes at work (he works in an office job now) and texts her all the way from about 8pm until about 2AM sometimes.
And as i said i confronted my wife earlier, she said i was crazy, and said whats wrong with that. Then i mentioned to her that isnt it a bit extreme to message all day long, not just that but probably send about 200 messages a day together (although its about general stuff). I still think shes infatuated with him even though she says shes not.
A few days later, I call my friend and have a general chat, and then i brought up the situation about my wife. And i asked him again could he stop messaging her for a week or 2 so she can ‘concentrate’. He said okay, that he’ll say that his work has been busy or whatever. And i thought he would do it.
Then… again he’s now still constantly messaging her!!! That really annoys me and makes my blood boil!!
I want to confront him and ask what part of not messaging her does he not understand??? but i dont know if that would make things worse for any of us.
Im trying to change myself with No Contact by giving my wife space, doing things without having her to ask me etc. but now the problem is that she is always messaging my friend, and i think that is a big distraction!!!.
Im stuck now and i dont know what to do!!
Can someone please enlighten me… please…
(sorry for the long message, lol)