I am feeling pretty down right now guys and could use some advice. I had been in no contact for a month with my ex girlfriend. We have been separated for almost 4 months. We were together for 6 and a half years before we went on a “break” which turned into a break up. During no contact we had a little contact about material stuff nothing significant. There was a couple of times when she hinted she was missing me and said that I hardly talked to her anymore. I thought she was on the “missing you badly” stage but I was sadly mistaken. Last weekend I sent out the letter Kevin talks about and it had a negative effect. She unfriended me and my family on Facebook. So I guess I got frustrated and acting on advice given to me by my coworker I decided to set up a time for us to talk about how I was feeling. I just got back from our talk and it got me no where or probably even worse than where I was. I talked to her about how I was feeling frustrated and confused about the space she wanted and that I thought we would be back together by now and other stuff. I thought her feelings had changed but I was wrong. She told me that she does miss me but as her best friend but not her lover. She also said that she would be lying if she told me that there was a chance of us getting back together. Ouch!! She also told me that what went wrong in the relationship. She also told me that the letter really messed her up and showed her that I was moving on and ugh I could not have messed up even more by telling her that I copied it from somewhere! Fml! The whole thing was a disaster. I didn’t expect her to say “let’s get back together” but I didn’t expect her to say what she said either. This not the first time we had a conversation like this but I guess I don’t learn. I feel like I messed up and I should have followed no contact longer. So if you’re still reading this messed up situation I need advice. Is there really no chance of getting back together? Can I even recover from such a disaster? Where do I go from here? I almost feel like I’m back to square one, a mess and like at first.
theres always a chance. you have just not to talk about your feelings and relationship things. do no contact again. probably dont send her a letter this time. send her a fun, friendly text.
Hey I just read all of your posts,you already finish the NC and can I ask a question? What’s the real reason of she broke up with u?
Cuz I found she was crying and do something weird after break up(went to phone store, pick up things in ur car), maybe its a kind of hints that she wanted you to talk about the relationship, maybe she was trying to find excuses to meet u, and the letter u wrote to her showed she was upset about u already moved on,maybe she didn’t hope u move on ?? so in my opinion(probably wrong), she is doing the opposite thing to tell u there is no chance like every time, how about make her out then have a fun night then try to hug her?
Maybe my advice is wrong but sometimes girls’ mind are mess up:(
Thanks guys for the advice. Thank you for reading all my posts I appreciate that. Well originally we were suppose to be on a break but then she said we were broken up. This time we talked she told me that the reason for the break up was because I didn’t want to get married and have kids. She said that we didn’t have to get married right away but letting her know that it was going to happen would have been enough. I told her that I would tell her that we were but not right now but she was set that I never told her anything. I feel like this is something that I might never be able to fix and I don’t know that it’s something that the relationship can recover from. I had even bought a engagement ring and I was going to propose to her on her birthday 4 months ago. When I brought that up she got upset and told me not to bring that up cause I only got it once she had already said she was moving out. It’s some what true but I had been planning to propose to her on her birthday. She also said that part of it was cause I didn’t have a plan in life for example a career. I agree with that part but I don’t believe it would be such a negative thing. She had also said that we were too young when we got together. We were both 17. There were some other factors as well. For example I was not the best communicator. During arguments I would shut down which pissed her off more. Sometimes she would say some hurt full things out of that anger. I never told her this but I guess that’s the reason why I was hesitant to get married was because I would have that resentment towards her cause I would keep those feelings inside. As for your opinion there might be some truth it. For a while she was sending mixed signals. She would say she wasn’t sure if we were getting back together but then would say we were working on getting back together. There sometimes where she contradicts her self. I definitely think she has a lot of mixed emotions. She told me that once she started crying at olive garden cause we used to go there. I feel she also has some resentment towards me cause of how we split our stuff. She also says that she hopes we can be friends in the future because she thinks I’m her best friend. I’m kind of loosing hope because she told me that there was no chance of getting back together. I’m not sure if she is just saying that or that she really means it. In Kevin’s emails he talks about the different stages of post break up. I thought she was on the “missing you badly" but now I’m not sure which stage she’s at. I fear maybe that stage has come in passed. I’m not sure what you mean by she means the opposite. Sorry for the long post.
hey if she told you she was crying for the break up it definitely means she loved u and care about you, I think she is just not satisfied with you, as she said you just shut up when she was angry ,your attitude to marriage and career are too indifferent for her, she was upset when she think you moved on, she said you are not good at communication…
above all, I think what she want is your attitude and commitment for future, such as your career should be clear(involved her),your marriage should involved her, you should comfort her instead of shut up…
I am a girl and I just said what I thought, cause that’s what I wanted from my bf , but his answer is similar to yours, I was upset too. I hope he would tell me his everything in the future should involve me and I am the one who will be with him forever.
he didn’t give me a clear answer so I was thinking about should I keep dating this guy? I was confused .
just advice !maybe wrong.
i agree with vanessa. sounds like she loves you. she just wants more from you. you have to be the man she wants to be. get your life sorted. if you dont have a job, get one. then you can start figuring out what you want to do for a career. If you dont have a car, or licence, get them. Dont rub these things in her face though, she wants you to grow up and be a mature adult! hope this isnt harsh. it would just make her feel more attracted to you, youll feel better yourself.
just dont tell her youre doing it for her. put yourself first. you are doing these things for you. because you are a strong person and she would be very lucky to be a part of your life!
Hey guys thanks for the advice. This is probably the most feedback I have gotten from here and I appreciate it. I understand what you guys are saying and I agree. I don’t think it’s harsh at all. Thank fully I have a ok job, she has told me her self that it’s a good job, and I do have a car. I also believe that money issues were another factor that lead to the break up. We lived together and towards the end she was having trouble paying the rent. When we were together I was the more financially stable one. She moved out and we had to break our lease. The thing that she says bugged her is that I didn’t finish college. I only had one class left to finish general education and I left. But loosing our apartment gave me the motivation to get my stuff together and choose a career, I have told her that. I have chosen to be a vet assistant. I haven’t started yet but I just have to save money. As for telling her that I wanted to be with her forever. I did tell her once after she had moved out. I had written down a letter and I read it off to her. I told her I wanted to share the rest of my life with her. All she said that it was nice. Maybe she took it as me trying to get her to come back which is kind of true but I still have those feelings. But now how do I communicate those feelings?? She wants nothing to do with me. I know if I tell her she now she is going to say something like “it’s too late for that”. Plus I put this same thing on the home page comments and Kevin suggests I should do no contact for 2 months. That sounds painful. Also she says she that at this point in life she wants to be alone. Which makes me feel like she is at the moving on stage and the opportunity to get back together has passed since it’s almost 4 months since we started this whole thing . I guess right now she has a lot of negative associations with me right now. I tried telling her that I have changed but she shut me down with “people don’t change” but the funny thing is that she has changed. I wish I could have told her at that at the time when she told me that. More recently (last night) she told me that she feels that she “got the short end of the stick” with splitting our stuff. She originally told me that I could keep everything from our apartment and the current car I drive, which we bought together. I kept all our furniture and put it in storage. Now she is telling me she wishes that she would have fought for some of the stuff and the car. Now she says she wants me to pay back her mom $500 that she helped put down for the car. So she I could tell she is upset about that. These are the ways in which she contradicts her self. She says that she doesn’t become friends with her ex boyfriends yet she wishes to be friends with me. She says she’s lonely but wants to be alone. Sorry I’m kind of going off I just have so many things to say. But anyways I don’t know that I can communicate those feelings of wanting to be together forever and being married. She probably won’t take it kindly.
hey I can tell she still has feeling with you, but it seems something stuck her, which she does not act what she think, such as she loves you cry for you, but say"it’s too late"thing,
here you have two options:1,make her out have a sincere conversation tell her everything with definitely accent, if she tells you “too late” you reply her “compare to the whole life, it’s not too late” if she tell you anything like that just deny her, if you can’t find anything deny her just ask her “what can I do that make you get back? if you still say no then I have no options I will give up, coz I have tried my best!”
2,like Kevin said, do more NC for two months, she probably won’t act different from what she thinks, and it’s important that she is willing to,not you force her to get back.
hope I could help you.
Hi guys, thanks again for the previous advice. I wanted to fill you in on what’s been going on with my ex and also get a little bit of advice. About 3 weeks ago I sent her a letter similar to what is on relationship rewind, I’m not sure if you guys have read it. I gave it to her as a way of saying goodbye but hoping to spark something. Soon as she read it she texted me and she talked about her new job. A few days after she got it she asked if I wanted to have dinner. After dinner we talked. She said that she wants to be friends right now and said that she thinks our relationship deserves a second chance but didn’t want to jump in to a relationship and that right now we could just be friends. I agreed because it gave me the opportunity to do the false friendship mentioned in Relationship Rewind. For about 2 weeks we had occasional casual conversations through texts until I asked if she wanted to hang out. So far we have hung out twice. The first time I we went out to dinner and ice cream. When we were out for ice cream she randomly asked if I had been dating anyone and it caught me off guard. I answered honestly and said no and changed the conversation to something else but I thought it was really weird that she just threw it out there and I’m not sure why she asked that or what she meant. Then while at dinner she gave me a hug and put her head on my shoulder. The second time she was the one who asked if I wanted to have dinner. At dinner she rubbed my arm and when we said goodbye she gave me a real long hung. A few days ago I asked if she wanted to catch a movie but said she had plans. Some time after she texted saying that she felt bad that she couldn’t make it to the movies. So my question are all these good signs of a future or just friendly things? So far I have done a good job of not talking about the past and the relationship. Also I recently went to Disneyland and bought her a pin and was planning on giving it to but now I’m hesitant. Would giving her a gift freak her out? Is giving it to her be a good idea? I don’t want it to have a negative effect. We are suppose to have lunch this weekend and I was thinking about giving it to her then.
Sounds pretty good. She wants to have ‘that’ feeling back, and it seems little by little she’s catching it. You continue you with your ‘friend’ drift, and don’t give her any idea for now. You can still give her the pin as a matter of gesture. I don’t think that will backfire. It seems to me she will open up the idea of getting back together soon.
Hi everyone I need help figuring out if my ex is in a rebound relationship and what I should do next. Continuing with the previous posts my ex girlfriend and I have been separated for just over 5 months. Recently we started talking again and have hung out like 4 times. I thought things were starting to turn. The day before Thanksgiving. We went out to watch a movie and while waiting for the movie to start I told her of what I thought was a funny story of my nieces asking for her. She got emotional about it and started to cry. I apologized. After the movie we went to get dinner and she started to cry again. She said that it was too hard for her. I told her it wasn’t easy for me either. She said that she lost of her family, meaning my family. We later talked in the car where she told me that she was seeing someone but is torn between me and this other guy because I’m a great guy. She also said that she doesn’t feel anything for me but then contradicted herself by saying that she has been afraid to do anything with this guy because she still cares for me a lot and has a lot respect for me. Also by saying that one of the times we hung out she just wanted to kiss me. She also kept saying that I’m such a good guy and that she doesn’t want to hurt my feelings, which I don’t know what that means because that’s what she’s doing. I told her that I guess I’m kind of waiting for her which made her cry. At one point she said that this guy is kind of a looser but he makes her happy and wants to give him a chance. Which is also contradictory because one of the issues with me was I “didn’t know what I wanted in life.” She said that it’s not a rebound relationship that it’s away of wanting to move on even though she says she’s an emotional mess and considers herself “damaged goods” and no one would want to date her. Furthermore, she said that December 7th was going to be hard not to talk to me because it would have been our anniversary. Towards the end of the conversation there was a lot of touching. She rubbed my arm, held my hand and she even put my hand on her face. Not sure what it meant. Towards the end she said something like we have unfinished business and that we even have like imaginary kids, I agreed. The conversation wasn’t an argument we talked calmly and towards the end we even laughed a little. I recently noticed she added this guy on Facebook and also saw that he is at least 5 years older than her which is also very unusual. I don’t know how long she has been seeing him but I know that she has been looking for dates soon after we broke up. She had referenced a “friend” that lives in the same place as him so maybe she has been hiding him. I believe that it is a rebound relationship or at least I’m hoping it is. What do you think? And what should I do next? I’ve done no contact with her in the past. I’ve had a couple of casual text conversations with her since so she’s not ignoring me. Although I have been biting my tongue on many things I want to tell her but I’m afraid of saying them because they may work against me. I’m really starting to loose hope. Also would contacting her in any way on what would have been our anniversary be wrong?