Very complicated backstory. Was in a relationship with a woman for slightly over a year since I met her. She was head over heels into me in the beginning and I tried to slow it down, keeping us grounded. We even talked of marriage and she would’ve said yes had I proposed. Our families met, I met all her friends/family, they loved me, we went on vacations together, it was a magical time. Best sex and love making of our lives. Incredible passion and adventure. However, about 4-5 months into the relationship, my mother died so it added a lot of complications and pressures to the relationship. I gave her a promise ring instead of proposing because the timing was off to start planning a wedding, family was naturally in mourning. I fell for her because she was there for me when my mom died and I was convinced then that she was the one.
A month or so after the promise ring, her ex came back into her life and tried to win her over. Apparently she had feelings for him. I was wondering if I was a rebound relationship, maybe I was. From that point on there were so many issues in the relationship. She would tell me she’s not going back to him, that she promises it’s over, but in reality she would see him every so often and I got very suspicious, rightfully so. There were lies on her part. She’d invite me to a holiday party let’s say, and then disinvite me. Say she’s going alone. Then I found out later it was because she went with her ex. It’s unclear whether they actually hooked up, she denied it, but she did admit he came over a few times and they kissed, etc. He probably did sleep in her bed once but she denies sex. I found it hard to believe. Potentially, she could have cheated on me. It’s noteworthy that throughout the course of the relationship, I broke up with her, and told her I didn’t wanna talk to her anymore…and she’d call 6 times in a day and leave messages promising she’d do counseling. And she eventually started going to it. I fell for the bait. She wanted me to bear with her.
Anyway, there are so many other issues (at one point she suggested an open relationship, she also opened up a profile on a dating website, but when I said then I don’t wanna see her then, she deleted it and said she wanted to commit) but point is, we had a wonderful valentine’s day, which she said was the best date of her life, yet on vday she was crying about her ex! So shortly after, she made me break up with her afterwards…she had come back from vacation (I also went on vacation somewhere else) and she had a drunken make out with a guy, said if I had any self respected I’d break up with her. So I did. I was not needy, but a few days later she reinitiated contact and asked me to wait for her, and that she wanted time. I told her I’d give her some time but it was not a clean NC.
Everytime I gave her space, she kept breaking the NC within a few days. In fact, she drunk texted me and also on the phone asked me to come over because she missed me. We hooked up and it was very intimate. She cried. Then, we hung out at her place again and also hooked up a few more times, with even more intimate sex and she really felt connected. Just a few days ago, she invited me to her place and that was the last time we hooked up. This time it was hardcore sex. Since then, she told me she doesn’t want to hook up anymore and that it’s over between us.
I started NC from that point on, because I asked her to consider that we could still be right for each other, it was just the circumstances that affected the relationship. My mother’s death, and her not being over her ex. It seems that she has totally cut off her ex and she said she’s done with him. She cut off all communication with him and his family. With me, she hasn’t. She has our pics up on fb, etc. But she said that “we are done babe”. I haven’t messaged her since.
It’s been a few days and I’m feeling much better. She texted me a couple days ago, no reply from me. We both know about each other’s profiles on dating sites, and after she saw mine, she sent me pictures she liked of me and suggested i put them up. I ignored. She called me yesterday, I did not pick up. I feel like I should’ve done NC as soon as the relationship officially ended in early March, but I hadn’t come across this site.
What are the chances of it working out? What is the effect of us having sex 4-5 times after we broke up? Will NC still work now? What about the fact we both have dating profiles up? I want to think that deep down we both know we’re not over each other, I’m trying to move on and so is she, but I do want to try to reconcile. So I’m wondering what the post-breakup sex means.