Return stuff-advice please

no-contact-rule
1

Hi

So I need to meet my ex someday this week, maybe today, to get some things back. I don’t know how to act, do.

I was in a get lost attitude. Sick of this crap, of his attitude avoiding me and pretending we were never one, not even making an effort to preserve our friendship, only in a social way, not as best friends ever. I tried to approach him as a friend, show him that it’s ok being around me, I don’t make scenes, I don’t make drama. I’m fine. Actually, I wasn’t alone on the few occasions we ran into each other recently. I think he even got a little jealous, even if he doesn’t show any signs of wanting me back (I’m gone for good, I guess).

The get lost attitude reflected also on my social media. I just got sick of this shallowness, my ex-friends who are avoiding me like the plague, just because I’m no one now. I use to be the girlfriend of a guru’s best friend, now I’m not, so I’m nothing. They ate at my table, slept in my house, went on vacations with me, and now I don’t exist. No more dinners, parties, it was the death of my social life, a life I had for 12 years.

One day I woke up tired of this crap. Tired of pretending I’ve moved on, tired of these get-ex-back games. I did all in the books, and I got nowhere. He’s more distant then ever.

It’s been almost 4 months since we broke up.
I have to get some stuff he’s got for me (my ex-home). First, he told me he had my stuff there and if I could meet him, and asked if I was in town…(since I was missing from earth. yeah, he noticed…). I said ok about meeting. And he f% ditched me. He didn’t even bother confirming or cancelling. He just ignored it. Oh I WAS MAD!
So I text him at night and he answered: ‘sorry. it wasn’t possible’. I didn’t even answer, because I just wanted to send him to a place…

Well. So he asked again to meet.
The problem is…my anger/self-respect stage was shaken this morning by a dream I had about us. I woke up emotional again. In my dream I think he wanted me back. This was quite surely my mind asking my heart how they would deal with it, if it ever happened. But I woke up sad. Hell!!

So…I know this is going to be the last time I see him alone. I feel emotional and mad. I want to know if we’re going to play this pretend we never met game forever, or if he’s not playing at all, he just doesn’t really give a damn.

I know I must keep my mouth shut. Smile and be friendly. I know I would push him if I asked to have a coffee or something, and I also don’t want to talk about myself, because I’m still the same ‘loser’ I was when he dumped me and his life is better than ever. I also believe he’s in a relationship with a girl he met when he decided he wasn’t in love with me anymore and spent his days in his computer hidden from me…someone who, by the way, as the same interests I have, when he said we no longer share the same interests.

So…any thoughts?
Meet up, pick my stuff and leave with a smile?/ Talk about where we’re standing?
Delay this meeting again?

thanks

2

I think it is extremely important to apply the NC at this time. For him to not even give you a heads up about the first meeting means he doesn’t value your time. He needs to understand that your time and emotions are nothing to be played with and you are to valuable to be left out in the cold. Apply the nc for 30 days and don’t break it! Good luck!

3

Thank you Funnygirl.

Well, I decided to go there today. It was good. I was nervous. I didn’t know how to react. I was afraid of looking resentful. But I had to do something. I had to go there sooner or later, and today was better then another day. while I was driving I don’t know what happened in my mind but the fear, the anger, the emotions were gone, and I felt like I was visiting a friend. It was awkward to ring at my own door, but I was feeling fine. I went expecting nothing more than a brief delivery service, I took him a little gift. and he offered me a coffee, and we ended up sitting, drinking coffee and chatting for about an hour. Just chatting. Not about the relationship. About us, our friends, our things. as friends. I told him I felt our friends were avoiding me, he acted like he couldn’t see reasons for that. It felt good :slight_smile:

Now…unfortunately the mystery is gone. No I’m not on facebook not because I went somewhere or I’m working a lot, or I live somewhere far away. No I didn’t turn into a beautiful butterfly since we broke up, no, I still don’t have a job, a house, money, or perspectives of a brighter future. (That killed me. There’s no better me)…

But you’re right. that’s what I thought when he didn’t say anything. and the day after when he asked if I could meet him later on. I didn’t answer. I’m not sitting there waiting for him. that’s why today I went expecting nothing. I was sad because this was the last time I visit him, but I couldn’t hold on to these things. I went there accepting that I may not ever see him again alone, that he doesn’t want me, that he may have a girlfriend. But expecting nothing. I’m slowly moving on.
And now, let’s see what happens. I’m going back to my nc-shell. :slight_smile:

thank you for your support

4

I think I got why he left me/stopped loving me: at one point I said I stopped talking to a friend who’s super negative, and that I don’t need this kind of things in my life and he said: “exactly. I know” like: yeah, that’s why I dumped you.
It was good to know what really killed his attraction, but…It’s so unfair! He isolated me, he put me down for years, he criticized every thing I liked (things he and his friends now do and like), criticized my hobbies and interests, my jobs, my plans,my friends, invalidate everything, was never supportive, helpful, he never stood up for me. I ended up depressed and…yes, negative. But if he dumped me because of that, that’s…unfair! I know I was a wreck. But I needed his help and support, not again ditching me! I couldn’t make decisions because I was always thinking about what he and his friends would think, I developed some sort of social anxiety, overly concerned about what people are thinking, may think…but…I all I needed was his love and support.
Instead, he was taking care of his life and his future and then…dumped me. He started to see other girls who, because they were not screwed up by a person like him for ages, were, of course, positive. Well…SO WAS I before he began destroying my personality years ago due to jealous and insecurity! :cry:

How can I change his mind? Or can I?
I’m working on healing my negativity, relearning to be myself without the dark crap he created. It’s working. But he doesn’t really know that. I’m still a loser, so in his mind he knows that if we were together not much would change…it was going to be a matter of time. :cry:

I can’t see the way to get him change his mind.

5

…and he’s still hitting on his crush. he invited her to go to another concert next year. she hasn’t yet answered and he posted a song I believe it’s about her playing hard to get. Seeing him and my beautiful x-home brought me a little down…
Our minds are amazing. I can only see his good side and remember the good things. Rarely I remember a trait I found so annoying and when I do I forget it…love is a hard drug :slight_smile: