Hi I really need some advice here. My ex and I had been talking,texting, even hanging out a bit. He stopped by my house, went he left he said “I will text or call in just a bit”. but he did not, he went on a date with someone else! I also have to be honest and let you know, we have ended up hooking up twice now after the breakup, when I was trying to do no contact. We are just so darn attracted to each other! But i do NOT want to be his booty call, fall back girl! Do I start no contact all over and do it this time or do I tell him that I cant do this, I cant have a casual relationship with him. We either need to talk about a future or move on?
exactly as you said, you can not be his back-up plan…he is not fair to you and he is not respecting you.
But you can show him that you are someone who needs to be treated with respect. As you say you can openly speak to him and say you wouldnt want to have an open relationship. And you can act upon his response.
I think you need to try and control what you can control in your situation. The main thing is not to give him any freebies. If he wants sex with you he has to be in a relationship with you. i might consider starting no contact over again just to give things a refresh. If you really mean a lot to him it will likely give him a little bit of a kick in the rear to have you disappear again.
Did you go on any dates as apart of the No contact period?
It is disrespectful of him, for sure.
Don’t put out for him. Don’t even fall in that trap. You want him and only him and he needs to see the same values. He can’t do that if you give in.
Buut, what I would do is this.
Get him right going, make out but don’t sleep with him. Then ask him to leave, and stick to your guns. It gives you the power.
Then go out with someone else, doesn’t have to be serious, but just make it look like you are going after other people. The combo of being rejected and the jealousy will drive him crazy. He will start trying to chase you.
And if he doesn’t, then he isn’t worth it.
I agree with lil lemon. If he is going on dates it might be good to go on a casual one as well. Might help your confidence as well as show you won’t be sitting by the wayside while he plays around. But I wouldn’t rub it in his face though
Thanks Guys, i really appreciate all your advice! And no. I have not stated dating but I plan to very soon. Now, he keeps finding excuses to talk to me or see me? He was running in the rain the other day and called me to pick him up! Why didn’t he call his new “girlfriend”? Then his son, whom i LOVE needs something at school, he asks me to take it to him but meets me in the parking lot because he also needs a coat hanger? Like I dont have coat hangers? He owes me money bout doens’t want to leave it in my mailbox, he wants to pay me in person? He ends up in the hospital with kidney stones and he his texting me all day about it? He followed me to the drug store the other day, then to a friends house? Why, if he doesnt want to talk about working it out is he doing these things?