Hi everyone. My ex and I broke up almost a month ago now. We were together for 3 months and everything seemed perfect. Lots of affection, no fighting, great sex… not sure where it went wrong. He broke it off with me saying he just wasnt feeling it, but that night he called back in tears saying he needed time to think, and that we’d talk again soon, maybe over drinks… but he hasnt reached out since.
Heres where I’m confused… aside from the weak breakup, he also has left all of our pictures together up on his social media accounts (something he hasnt done with any other exs). And keeps adding songs about getting your ex back onto a spotify playlist throughout NC. He also seems depressed, and has stopped posting any art (something he always did every day or two…)
I feel crazy. Like I’m jumping to conclusions. Which I am. But im scared to reach out. I’m worried that he may be missing a different ex, and I’m just assuming he means me… I’m scared to reach out, but I NEED closure. I need to know FOR SURE that he doesnt want to try again. I know I can find a new man, but he was SO special to me…
I want to text him after xmas. Probably Wednesday. But I’m not sure if I should, or where to start, or what to say if I do text him. If anyone has any experience or advice with this, I would really appreciate it. Thanks everyone.
Three months isn’t a very long time and it takes longer for really deep loving feelings to develop. And 3 months is about the time guys decide if they want to continue or not with any particular person. He requested time to think, so honor that. Let him be the one to reach out to you with his decision. I know it hurts and you’re probably very anxious, but try to relax.
You could send a Happy New Year short greeting. If he doesn’t reply to that with something more substantial as to what he’s been thinking, then ask at that time.
Good luck.
Thanks Patricia12, I appriciate the feedback. I resisted reaching out over xmas and now Hhe is starting to “like” my instagram posts again, so I’m feeling hopeful. I’ll wait to see if he reaches out with a text before new years. If not, I’ll text him then. Thanks again.
UPDATE: So my ex started liking my posts on instagram again… and I gave in and texted him. I thanked him for getting me into an author, told him I just finished a book of theirs, and told him I hope hes doing well these days.
After 3 days, he texted me back yesterday saying “[that author] is great. I’m glad your enjoying it.”
I dont know where to take the conversation from here, or even if that was a positive response. I want to text back, but I’m not sure if it’s a waste of time. My friend says he thinks it was just a courtesy text, and that hes done. Thoughts?
Yes, it seems he’s just being kind and courteous. Don’t text back as it will make you seem desperate!! Wish you could have waited until after the new year. He’s had a month to think things through, so after New Years, text or call to ask what he decided to do about continuing a relationship or not.
Liking stuff on social media doesn’t mean much, so don’t take it as some sort of “sign”. You need to ask for clarity and you have a right to know what he wants to do now.
Leaving you hanging this long seems cruel.
Thanks for the response. Things are moving on in my life now. I have a date with another attractive guy on Monday, but I cant shake this feeling of still being hung up on my ex.
I feel stuck between wanting to give him space, and wanting clarity. He STILL has our pictures up, and the art he drew of me, but hasnt posted anything since a selfie with a depressing quote about a month ago now.
I just dont see signs that hes moving on. He still, from his social media, seems depressed or hung up on us… I dont know. I’m jumping to conclusions again I’m sure…
But despite my trying to move on, and actually getting a date, I still feel like I need a more final answer. Against all advice, I feel like reaching out again. IF i do, and that’s a pretty big if, does anyone have any advice as to how to go about it?
I know i need to move on. I’m trying. I’m bettering myself and seeking out others, but that doesnt take my feelings away. I’m concerned about him, how hes doing, and if hes withdrawing just because of… complications.
One piece of info I’ve left out before is the fact that I’m a transwoman. Im afraid this is why he left, due to shame, or family dissaproval (since we broke up right before xmas). I know this doesnt really change anything, but if you could keep it in mind with your responses, I’d appreciate it. Thanks again.
I’m assuming he knew you are trans and it didn’t matter to him at the time. If he’s young, maybe he got to thinking he might want children of his own someday.
Anyway, glad you’re moving forward and have a date planned for Monday.
He’s left you hanging for a month and you have a right to know what he decided. I think you should text something soon and be brief and to the point. Just say, “So what did you decide about us?” If he decided not to continue, the reason doesn’t matter…
Ignore social media and don’t try to guess what stuff means. It won’t help your situation.