It was probably then that I should have been doing no contact, when neither of us knew what was happening. I want to just say ‘I love you, come back.’ I haven’t said it for so long. I know I can’t though.
You’re having a rough one.
If it’s any help I agree about this site in ways. It does give us hope. A lot of the time false hope. But it prepares us too for reality. I’m looking at my situation and thinking the following; the new guy may or may not be still there. Doesn’t matter though because he was. She had moved on that much.
I did everything wrong post break up.
Yeah she wants to meet in a few weeks and be friends. But that might be just to be friends. And probably is just that. I’d realistically give myself between 10-20% of a chance.
But it’s a chance. And I will give this one last big effort. I’ve got one chance left at this I reckon. One chance to try to win back the woman I loved do much that I asked her to marry me. Now I’ve changed. Is it enough? You and many others think so. I still have deeps doubts. But I’ll give it this one last effort. I’ll meet her in 2 weeks and I’ll know then from her actions. She won’t know really what way my head is because I’ll be acting.
And will I win her back? Yes I will. I feel it.
You are strong my friend. Stronger than I. I guess you’re right, believing in yourself will give you the chance to make it right. I wouldn’t totally think that someone else being around is moving on, quite the opposite in some respects, but you need to process it however you need to. Ultimately you know better than anyone else on this site what’s going on.
I’ve been chatting with my friend about whether to send something. He suggested:
‘Hey listen, I’m really sorry for cancelling, I just couldn’t do this today. I know I love you very much, but I need some time. I’m busy next weekend but if you have time the weekend after maybe we can meet up then. Xxx’
Got to take into account where she said ‘It’s not to get back together’ though I suppose. Unsure on the ‘I love you very much’ part, but I haven’t been able to say that to her for a long time, and I know I feel it.
What do you think I should do?
I’d probably leave out the I love you bit. Let her think.
She really has to make up her mind. Because she didn’t know what she wants right now. And she can only do that with you gone off the scene for a while. Send something like that and then disappear for a while.
Do you think that I have a chance?
I think you do man, I want to. You’re a catch now, if it’s not her it’ll be someone else, that much is true at least.
She just called my friend who described her as balling down the phone. She called me after too, but I was in the shower. Bit of an urgent situation now, what do you reckon? I’ll still be texting only, speaking to her will only make me do the same as she’s doing.
Still tempted not to say anything honestly, I don’t know if that’s too cold though.
It’s Cold but I ignored texts too.
It’s up to you. If somebody told me that my ex was crying I’d find it very hard to resist.
Your situation is very different to mine. She is still very much in love with you.
Unless you send something vague back. To give yourself time to think. Tell her you need space or something. Your call.
I’m feeling down this morning too. I know that she won’t make contact now till after the exams. So a few weeks of nothing will be tough.
Stick to your guns. More time to make things better. You’ve got this. You made the right move, don’t do anything you’ll regret.
She said to my friend that her heart is telling her one thing, and her head is telling her another. He also mentioned that she said ‘She thought we’d already broken up’, but I don’t know what to make of that. I don’t know if that means she’s unsure, or is wondering why I’m dragging it out. That bit makes me reluctant to reply. I don’t know if saying ‘I need space’ will make her angry.
Her heart means she is still in love. So happy days. Congrats.
Her head means that whatever caused her to end it hasn’t been erased yet from her mind. The ball is in your court. Don’t do anything stupid or rash.
Just take time to improve that little bit.
A few weeks should do.
Thanks for your support. And I think she half wants me. I’ll have a few weeks now to do more for me. Then she won’t be able to resist
About the other cooler men Charlie. My ex’ new man is friendly with famous rappers and a band here. She went to concerts and private vip parties. How can I compete? Little old me? Because I love her and understand her. Because we ‘get’ each other. Because she loved my talks and easy of explaining things etc. Now she texts to meet up.
Put yourself in her shoes. Imagine you started hanging out with somebody who hung out with something cool that you like, I don’t know, footballers or something. And maybe you were kissing and having Sex with this girl. But you know that your feelings won’t just die for your ex. You know that. And it’s the same with her.
She won’t even go that far. They are not you. And she misses that.
What do you do?
By the way, this will sound stupid, But I did some maths. Worked out a graph when I went nc. Made assumptions, big assumptions like we would be back together. But based on these assumptions I could predict how long this process would take and when to expect contact that meant something. So far, oddly, the graph is right. I expected something big on Thursday. I was disappointed the later it got. Then at 11pm all that happened. Isn’t that odd.
Thanks man, I hope that much is true. It certainly seems true in your case so maybe faith isn’t such a bad thing to have after all. Keep your cool.
Interesting that your maths are working for you, how unusual. I’m no mathematician haha.
She tried to call me right after she called my friend. I missed it. I wonder if I should just call her back. I haven’t made any moves yet, the panic is setting in again.
Call her. Text her and be vague, say sorry again for not being able to do today. Text her and apologise for missing the call, ask if she is ok?
Decisions, decisions, decisions.
Also, I’m sure the ‘new guy’ in your ex’s life is probably a massive prick, most people like that are. Only out for their own gain. He wouldn’t ever be here on this website.
Thanks. He was obviously working on her when I was still on the scene. He is a dick then so.
Something tells me that he is gone. I don’t know why. Maybe just hope. But I feel like I have a good chance. I’ll leave her alone until after the exams.
One other thing. Whether you believe in this or not. There is an old woman, a fortune teller, close to where I live. People swear by her. Anyway, I went to her at the start of the year. She said I would get her back. The ball is in my Court she said. I was with a friend and already so much has happened to the friend that she talked about that we never saw coming. I went to her years ago and she had everything spot on. Maybe stupid to listen to her. But that’s what she said
That’s crazy. I can’t say I’m a believer in that regard, but that’s really crazy that she predicted it. Maybe it’s just your will though, I always wonder if they just say what people want to hear. Maybe that’s just what someone needs though.
Do you think I should call her? Should I make contact? What would you do in my shoes?
I’m starting to feel like missing her call was another shame. She had just called my friend minutes before, and said how unsure she was. Maybe that call was her wanting different things.
I don’t know. Maybe send a text asking What’s up. It does sound like she is reconsidering.
It’s hard when you know it’s hurting her
Well, I went for it.
I just said “Hey, sorry I missed your call. Are you alright? Xxx”
I just hope I didn’t time it wrong. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells right now, and hope I didn’t send it while she’s angry about this morning.
let me know what happens. I’m feeling down. Like it’s all a lost cause
Keep your head up. As you said to me, you can control your emotions. I just did some excercise, it helped temporarily. Do some push ups, do them until you can’t do anymore.
I have to admit, I feel like I’ve already made a mistake. Repeated the actions of last time, almost met up, didn’t, made contact, she brushed me off. I feel like it was all or nothing when she called this morning, as it was her making the contact. I think it’s key. I was just freaked she’d think about it and call it off anyway.
exercise*
Eurgh, I’m really worried. How do you calm yourself. Did I make a mistake with any contact?