Well, I did it. I just said “I’m ok thanks, hope you’re ok too. I’m really sorry, but I can’t do this weekend. Something has come up. I hope you understand xxx”
I’m just so worried now that this was a missed opportunity. Like I know she said it wasn’t to get back together, but was it not to break up too? We’re still together on Facebook…
Did I just give away another missed opportunity?
It’s done now. Look. You have to do some work on yourself anyway. It gives you a bit of time to sort some things out. Then you can blow her away.
Everybody on this site talks about Facebook as if it is God. If she is still with you there though then that’s probably good for you.
Chill out now and enjoy the weekend.
Got a text back. “I hope everything is ok. Do you not want to see me now? Xxx”
Text back or not text back?
Thanks Patrick, by the way. The worrying about you comment is surely a call for attention, showing she still cares and what not. That must be a massive step. Your curve ball sounded like a good move. I think you’re playing the right cards by the sounds of things, for your sake. At these points in time I guess it’s important to remember that it probably wasn’t easy for you either at the end of your relationship. The staying friends part will be some sort of obstacle to overcome, if it was you who said it. I suppose you need to find a subtle way of showing that’s not how you want it to be, in time?
I don’t know her obviously, but I wouldn’t say she’s annoyed, rather, curious. How old are you and her, might I enquire?
I’m an immature 32 & she is a mature 26. I’m a civil engineer and she is a medicine student. I’m sort of thinking like the rest of you. That she still has feelings. Well she must do if she writes that kind of stuff. Being friends is the hard message to get. When I don’t want that. But I was thinking, why the hell would she push so hard to meet up? Maybe she doesn’t want just friends either. But how else would she write that? I don’t know if the rebound guy is still there. I hope not for mine and his sake. His because she is still thinking of me.
Anyway, what ages are you 2? Are you in the uk? Random question but I just think that from your writing.
Did you reply to her? You have to stick by your word now. That’s good that she is so eager. See the way things change now Charlie. She is beginning to run a bit to you. Brush her off with a sorry not this weekend but soon. I’ll let you know. Or something. You know her. And Go and do something now. She can’t find out that you sat about doing nothing.
By the way. Are you just putting those xxx in? Or are you both sending those still? Because if you are sending each other that then I don’t think you are split up at all
I don’t think he’s there man. You know what type of person she is, and if you were with her for that long she probably isn’t the sort to be ‘two-timing’ in any shape or form. I think she knows she messed things up too. I can understand why the rebound happened, being together for so long so young, you maybe feel like you missed out. I would wager it’s nothing but regret now though. I suppose compare it to the contact she made with you when you knew he was about, which I would guess wasn’t much. I think you’re right about how hard she’s pushing, she’s probably just as scared to say something as you are. Sounds basic, but be the ‘alpha’ male she saw you as at the start! I’m sure she respects you for your recent decisions. You don’t sound like an immature 32 to me.
The timescale you’ve been apart for compared to your time together isn’t all that long either. Perhaps a basic assumption, but they say it takes half as long as you were together to get over a relationship.
I’m 23 and she’s 23. Got together at 19. We are in the UK yes. This is all particularly hard for me, as she was my first everything, in every sense. I still remember she said to my friend that she was more in love with me than her first ever boyfriend, right at the start, before she said it to me. We’ve done so much too, good and bad, we were even pregnant (harder for her obviously, but it was so hard for both of us) at one point.
No we’re still sending those ‘Xxx’ to each other, but I know there’s a cultural difference in the UK. When we were together and it was good, it was more like ‘Xxxxxxxxx’ aha! Ridiculous.
I haven’t replied yet. I don’t think I will just now. Honestly part of me is kind of hurt that she would be so ruthless and then just flip it on it’s head like that, so I need to think about it for some time first I think. Just not going to read too much into it for now.
If I were to reply, I’m half tempted to gamble on going with “It’s not like that. I just need to respect your decision. Xxx” and go no contact.
Pretty risky though. Oh and believe me I kinda despise Facebook too. It’s only now that I value that element of it.
That’s a strong last paragraph. Bet you didn’t see yourself writing that a few days ago. Some change. This site helps.
Be the alpha male!
I suppose for the first time in years I am being the alpha male. I was immature though. A disgrace if I’m honest. I think I wrote about that to you. I’ll check back.
You’re doing good. She loves you. It’s hard for you to really believe that because you are in the situation. But for me looking in it’s crystal clear. I think that you’ve done really well in a few days. You’ve hardened up. Break ups teach us all a quick hard lesson on life. As my sister said to me; “how you deal with this will determine your path for the rest of your life”.
You will get her. And you text her whenever the hell you feel like you want to.
I don’t know if that message is genius or really dodgy. It would really make her think.
She did break up but still wants to meet and so on.
Actually she hasn’t a clue what she is doing. No more than you do. I’ve realised that from reading the stories on here and even my own ex.
They don’t know what they are doing at all. Not a clue.
That message would be very unlike you. Which would really make her so and think. Have you thought some more. Are you going to send it
Pity caz isn’t online tonight. She would tell you what to write.
That message you wrote. With “I need a bit of time and space right now”. What do you reckon
I realise she isn’t flipping it on it’s head actually I guess, I had asked to see her, then turned it into being about the cats and a casual meet up. It’s hard to decipher what any of it means, that’s all I know right now. Her message could mean many things, I shouldn’t get too presumptive about it all.
Isn’t it crazy the way we read so much into a single message. So many different meanings and possibilities. To her it was possibly written as a quick reply. We don’t know.
I do the very same. It’s strange.
Sorry, I didn’t see your replies! You’re probably right, maybe a little too passive aggressive. I’m just not going to reply for now I think. No point in rushing into it, it’s 0030 here right now.
You did say that you were a disgrace, and maybe you were, but don’t ever take all of the blame for a breakup on just your shoulders alone. Both of you were in the relationship together, remember that. My girlfriend did that with me, and yes I know I did things wrong, but I know it wasn’t just me who made bad choices. It just doesn’t go down like that.
And I like what your sister said a lot. Whatever happens, it does indeed teach you a lesson.
‘This too shall pass.’
As they say.
Oh I know that she did some stupid things.
Looking back now it was my insecurity and lack of confidence that was my undoing. Probably stayed before I met her.
But I got a job here that meant I was away during the week. We hated that. I got stuck at it for 2.5 years. I quit that at the end of 2013 and we did a bit of traveling. But drink had a hold of me. It had since my teenage years but it was getting worse. Fast forward and by last October I hadn’t worked in a year. I was suffering from bad depression and had a serious alcohol problem. I ended up as a jobless, depressed alcoholic. I lost her and with it my place to live. Things were bad.
I pulled it together for a while. More or less lived with her for November. But the drink got me again and that was it. The end.
My oldest sister ended up booking a flight home for me at the start of December. I didn’t know then but my dad was going to come over and bring me home. So irony of ironies, I went to Ireland to quit drinking. And it worked.
I’m back here now, with a room rented in a flat. Working. Going to the gym. Got a role in a play even. That still shocks me. Chairman of the gaelic football club. And on day 67 without drink.
And she is showing signs that she so has feelings. But I put her through the mill big time. And that’s the hardest part. I feel so sorry for her. She tried everything to help. But I had to hit Rock bottom first. Maybe more she wants a piece of the new me? I don’t know but wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t.
So things can change in a short space of time. I’ve never felt better.
In another few weeks you 2 will be stronger than ever. I guarantee that
*Started before I met her
That’s really heavy. You’ve done so well though, talk about a fucking turn around. Day 67, that’s amazing. Surely it’s time just to lose count now. I know it doesn’t work like that. All those achievements too!
We both used to smoke weed, I’ve chosen to stop in recent months. Stopped enjoying it quite a while ago, as it triggered my anxieties, I just had no idea at the time what was happening. Should have seen it like a red flag.
I was unemployed for 9 months too when we were living together, where I worked after uni closed down and I found it very difficult to find another job.
Feeling pretty terrible this morning if I’m honest, I have dreams that I don’t remember but they make me feel a certain way when I wake.
My outlook feels pretty hopeless today. Part of me even worries that she’s with someone else. The guys on her course are all like 26, trained doctors who have travelled the world and are now doing their Master’s so they can become surgeons. And what am I, the guy doing counselling who has our cats. I worry that she just met a really cool group of people, and I’m just a guy with all the issues now, instead of her man. That nothing I do to change will compare to the things her friends are achieving. She’s at the London School Of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine. One of her lecturers is the guy who discovered Ebola.
She text me again this morning “Good morning, are you ok? Is everyone in your family ok? Xxx”
I feel checkmated, she would always beat me at chess.
I don’t really want to reply honestly. I’ve just woken up feeling like the “So you don’t want to see me now?” text didn’t mean anything, or at least not what I thought it did. If I reply to her latest one, she gets her answer.
I’ll be honest, I worry that thinking about the whole situation like this might just be giving me false hope, and that being on this website at all just drags out the inevitable. Are we all just idiots for holding onto to something so much? Do you ever feel like that?
I’m very lonely at the moment, I dream that we’ve had loads of contact with each other then wake up and slowly remember that she will hardly speak to me at all. Makes me see a big difference between how she treats me now and how she used to treat me, and I don’t have much hope I guess at the moment.
I’ve been being optimistic, but when I look at it like a realist, what’s changed? She broke up with me, it’s coming up for a month now, and she hasn’t changed her mind. I feel that this breakup was probably something she’d been considering for a while. When she came to visit on Boxing Day, the day before she called to say she had bags of presents for me, but called later to say she doesn’t know whether or not she wants to be together. During that month of shit we had, the whole time she was saying she didn’t know whether she could come back from it. The two weeks between us seeing each other and breaking up went much the same. She admitted she felt so distant from me. For a long while, she was always sending one less kiss than I’d send. I look back through our texts, and for ages they’ve been so empty. The last one where I said ‘I love you very much’ was so long ago and she didn’t even reply to it.