Me and my ex broke up about 2 weeks ago. Our realthionship was great, with the little argument here and there but nothing we couldnt fix. We were defaintly both in love/still are? Anyway so shes quite an undesicve person, always jumping around from place to place trying to find somthing for her. She would move from job to job, often changing what friends she would spend time with aswell. She never really changed how she felt about me though up untill about 6 weeks ago. She had managed to get herself a job working at a bar in ibiza, and planned to stay there all summer, and work. I was fine with this and just wanted her to be happy and maybe find somthing she wanted to do. The first few weeks of her being out there she would speak to me most nights, but gradualey she stopped. After a while inasked her what was wrong and she told me she didnt want to be in a realthionship anymore. That she missed going out and being able to do whatever she wants. I was heartbroken, we arranged to meet when she got back, as she had arranged to come back earlier because she didnt think it was the job for her. Anyway when she got back we spoke, and it was the same. She loves me and maybe in the future me and her can try again. But for now she wants to enjoy going out and being able to do things with out me pinning her down.
Its really messed me up, what advice is there. Im going to try and get over her but is there any chance we could get back? Cheers. Btw we are both 20 years old.
I really want to get back with her is no contact the best way? I dont want her to forget me.
Nothing against you personally, but why would you ever agree with your girl going to work at a party island in a bar… Some things are just to much if you ask me…
Okay. Yes do no contact and follow every other instruction of the frontpage. There is a good chance if you give her space and time now!
And if she is dating someone else or you are afraid she is going to sleep around, read this article about getting your ex girlfriend back when she is dating another guy.
It’s funny that the stereotype is that “men are afraid of commitment.” My viewpoint certainly is limited, but I have a good number of female friends that confide in me (Not to mention a shining example of an ex) that break up with their boyfriends because they feel as though their freedoms are being threatened and would rather hop from guy to guy because they’re unsure if “he’s what they’re looking for.” I have far less male friends (and by that I literally mean maybe one) that I see bringing around different girls on a regular basis. It may just be a phase that girls experience in their late teens and early twenties (I can’t say I know that many older couples to give solid data), or it may be a result of modern society’s willingness to replace anything and everything that gives them even the slightest bit of trouble (We lease cars, and replace our cell phones, computers, other gadgets at least once every few years. Why should partners be any different?).
I’m not saying all women are like this (and that men aren’t), but I have noticed that this is certainly the most popular reason for breakups in recent times.
What I find to be the most flawed reasoning behind all of this is the “she wants to enjoy going out and being able to do things with out [you] pinning her down.” Shit, she could be doing all of that stuff she mentioned, aside from what would be considered blatant cheating, and you’re not actually THERE to keep her from doing anything.
My ex said the same thing, even though she was regularly going out and partying on a whim. She’d report back to me when things happened that she thought I wouldn’t be OK with (She wasn’t cheating or anything, but there are always times when girls are being persistently hit on, etc), but I never got angry and outright told her that she was fully welcome to keep those things to herself, because I trusted her completely, and really wasn’t surprised that my attractive girlfriend was an object of attention. Yet, I was still “holding her back” or “dragging her down.”
The distance has a lot to do with it, as being tied to your phone at a social event rather than being hand in hand with your SO does seem a bit crippling. However, I repeatedly told her that a “I’m going out. I’ll talk to you in the morning” text was more than enough (you can probably relate), so I can’t see what was so awful.
Barring all judgement, I’d love to hear a woman’s perspective on this sort of situation, because I haven’t really gotten an objective opinion on the matter, yet. I’ve asked quite a few girls about it, but they’re all MY friends biased towards ME, so the story always ends up being along the lines of “your ex was immature and didn’t know what she was giving up.”
Maybe the answer lies more in the opposite.
She got too much freedom, thereby widening her view on freedom to an extend of which she knew is unable to have in a relationship while at the same time believing she really needs it and has the right as ‘independent woman (media blabla)’ to have it.
Maybe keeping the line more short after a while is a better idea. I sure know I will in my next relationship. I’ll tell her early that once in a relationship some thing shouldn’t be done without each other anymore.
I agree that a taste of “freedom” (which really should be called independence) can cause one to broaden their horizons, so to speak. This is clearly evident, as this is certainly how most LDR’s end. Sometimes you don’t get the choice whether or not to be proximal (especially when it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal, like “It’s only one summer.”), at which point you have to decide whether to end the relationship when the proximity ends, or try your best to make it work anyway. Once you’ve decided to “try,” it would be an immediate turn off to try to stop your SO from going out and doing things out of fear that they might start having too much fun without you. Best case scenario this breeds resentment, worst case it encourages lying and cheating.
In the case of OP, you can’t really restrict your SO’s career choices, though. At such a young age, being told “No, you can’t go work there” really SHOULD result in a breakup from one party or the other (regardless of how much you thought you were soul mates, etc). Either she wants it enough to sacrifice the relationship for her career, or you are (possibly understandably) unwilling to trust her in such a position.
My point is: in my short time on this Earth, I’ve seen exactly one extended long distance relationship result in a marriage, and without trying to sound too pessimistic: The guy was in the military, and the girl was (for lack of a better term) fairly unattractive and best friends/roommates with a lesbian for what I’m pretty sure was the duration of her 4 year undergrad. I’d call that the epitome of lack of temptation.
Every other LDR (including my own) has failed in a manner similar to the above.
Some people believe that in a relationship there is just one rule: don’t cheat. But they forgot that this happens gradually. They find themselves so strong and loyal. At the same time they believe that not going out (dancing, bar etc) alone is ‘taking away their freedom.’ And from there on we can guess what can happen.
Haha maybe we should open up a new thread for this discussion.
I apperciate the replys. But it wasent a long distnace realthionship. For nearly a year we saw each other everyday. She would always tell me how much she love me ect. It was after her month abroad she realised she missed the single life. I really am going to do all in my power to try and get her back. What should i do?
Fully no contact. I assume she is just back from abroad. She will cool down and think everything over.
Yeah shes just back. Been out pretty much everyday since.