Hello, I want to make sure I get things right and don’t mess anything up. So if someone could maybe give a read through and give some feedback I would be forever grateful.
I’ve made my situation pretty bad by being needy for a couple weeks after the breakup. It went from just needing time and she still loved me and that it could work after the contact, to she told me she didn’t have the same feelings anymore and it ended on a goodbye. That we could talk soon but we need some time.
Some quick context to my situation. We had a good relationship lasting a few years. We were Inlove and happy. But life got in the way. Got comfortable. Our intimate life took a toll for a long time.
She ended up cheating on me with a coworker of ours at a job we just got.
She has gotten therapy and was advised to take space and no contact. At the time I had no idea what that meant. I didn’t know what no contact really meant. My mind went to all the bad things and worrying she was moving on to someone else. I really wanted to work things out and ended up looking needy. I even went so far as to send her my journal…
Since then I have healed and took alot of time to learn where I went wrong in the relationship. Learning about keeping healthy intimate relationships and good communication. Hitting the gym and learning to be independent. Also learning about some toxic dependency I had. She also feels she was toxic and used me. But I have no doubt we were once happy and in love. It’s been about a month since we last were in contact. But here goes the message.
Hey, I don’t know if you’ll get this message. I’ve had alot of time to think about everything that happened. I need to apologize for my behavior the last couple of weeks of contacting you and not giving you space. Even though what I went through was normal, I was going through alot very quickly and I behaved in a needy way. I was going through a grieving process and should not have been contacting you and really should not have sent you the journal of my thought process while going through that grieving. It was inappropriate and embarrassing and not the way I want to act.
I had gone back through our messages a couple times with a clear mind and now see what you had meant from the beginning. I’m sorry I had made things worse and pushed you away. I see now that taking space is something that we needed and the healthiest thing for us to do. I understand where you are at and I accept that the breakup needed to happen.
I’ve taken this time to reflect on where I had gone wrong in the relationship and on my own toxic behaviors. I realize now that I was emotionally drained from the unrealistic expectations I had for myself. It left me disappointed in myself and it leaked into our relationship causing lack of intimacy because I felt horrible about myself. I’ve done alooot of learning since about maintaining a healthy intimate relationship and healthy communication. Also keeping a healthy mind and confidence in a relationship. I realize I had gotten comfortable in the relationship in all the wrong ways. So I have also taken this time to get my independence back and being a healthier version of myself. I even started hitting the gym and going out with friends.
Though I miss you, In a way this breakup was probably a good thing for me. I needed this time to see where I was going wrong and learn what I needed to learn in order to be a better person and partner. Though I tried my best with what I knew, I’m sorry I didn’t know any of this during our relationship but I guess you learn when you learn. If only I had a time machine haha. I’ve come to terms with everything and doing okay in my process of moving on.
I genuinely hope you’re doing well in your process of learning. I wish the best for you.
P.S.
I’ve been giving you the space and time but like I said, I do plan on coming back to work. So if you could hold onto my step up cards I left on the plant table.