Not sure whether to move on or keep trying :(

no-contact-rule
1

So, i’ve created a few topics on here. I really enjoy others insight. ESPECIALLY when they have either been in a similar predicament, or have very good experience.

My ex and of 3 years broke up two weeks ago(It will actually be two weeks since we’ve broken up on our three years this thursday) I thought I was blindsided. But I guess I saw it coming. He was on edge for the past week and half or so before it happened. So when it happened, I didn’t beg or plead for second chance or for him to keep trying. I just listened to him, ask questions, and let it be for now. My emotions were surely a wreck for the week to follow. I texted him two days after we broke up saying “I just wanted to let you know I love and care for you with everything in me” he didn’t reply. Which gave me several panic attacks (Pathetic, I know)

I didn’t try to contact him at all until another three days after the text, I said goodmoring I hope your week is going well, he replied goodmorning it has been very well to me, (kind of dick-ish, don’t you think?) I asked if there was any possibility we could talk, he replied “yeah I have some of your stuff so we could talk then” of course my heart sank. That wasn’t what I wanted to hear. Eventually we set up a day to meet up (two days after those texts) so when we met up, it had officially been a day over a week we broke up.

I wrote him a very heart touching letter, I gave it to him. He said “that was very thoughtful of you, thank you.” he just seemed so cold, distant. I didn’t understand how someone I was so close with, so in love with, shared absolutely everything with, could just shut me out? He basically didn’t want to try to be friends. I still didn’t understand why he could just shut me out like that. It’s seriously not like him. I actually don’t even feel like I know him anymore.

So basically, after we talked I texted him the next morning letting him know I hope he keeps my letter and hopefully one day down the road we can talk again, yadda yadda yadda and he just says “well see but for now goodbye. enjoy your life.”

I just don’t know why he is doing this to me. I didn’t do anything horrible to him. We were both committed, loyal, we both had plans on moving out together soon.

I just don’t understand him…

2

I am sorry you are hurting. When was your last contact?

3

Last Friday. I met up with him to talk and got some of my “things” he wanted me to grab. We didnt even live together. It was only a pair of shoes and our bearded dragon.

4

Well I should say I texted him the next day, so Saturday was the last day of contact

5

You are about at the same point I was when I first started posting here. I think it is to soon to make any decision on the future of your relationship right now. Way too soon to say cut your losses and run, I think.

If you can, take a step back and just reflect. I know I had to do a lot of thinking about what I did to fuel the fire, and how his actions contributed. I really had a hard time wrapping my brain around how what I viewed as a pretty fun, rewarding relationship suddenly fell apart. I kept a document of all my thoughts - ALL of them. There are things I would do differently, but in my situation I think the outcome would have ultimately been the same.

The thing is, you cant think clearly until you remove yourself from the situation a little. Emotions get in the way.

6

You’re absolutely right. I’ve been working on getting my emotions in check to get my head clear.

I guess I can’t wrap my head around the fact that this person who was there for me the way that he was, probably doesn’t even think twice about me.

I want to do the no contact trying, but I’m afraid it will be useless.

7

It wont be useless if you use the tie wisely. Take some time to learn things about yourself. Meditate, exercise… all the things they say to do actually DO help! Since I stopped talking to mine, I started writing all of the things down that I would say… everything. Even the honest things about him, and myself. It has been very helpful.

8

I know that no contact will be good for me. I know it will mend my own broken heart.

I guess deep down I’m just hoping we can talk again and work things out.

We’ve been through a lot with eachother and he just seems so done. It just really hurts.

9

It sure does. I am struggling a bit this morning myself. Even though I feel that my breakup is for the better, I still have moments where I am incredibly sad for the loss, mad at the way I was treated, etc. We had such good times in the beginning. I wish it were different.

But I just keep reminding me that I am a good person. That although I am not perfect, I was always willing to accept my parts and try to work on them given the chance. He made the choice to give up, and that has no reflection on my character. It is a weakness on his part. I tried… So did you.

Don’t give up hope just yet. Unless your relationship was abusive and dysfunctional,therr is always a chance.

Do you want to share what kind of problems you had before the breakup? Like how did he treat you, what things were said and done? Any past problems over the years?

10

You’re absolutely right. I definitely relate 100% to that. It’s very good to keep positive, because once you dwell on a negative thought, it completely powers over you.

We were in no way abusive, or dysfunctional.

Okay, I had been working at this one job for 6 months. I was COMPLETELY unhappy, I always complained to him about my coworkers and shitty I felt. I know he didn’t want to hear that, but he was there for me. Me being unhappy with work affected me a great deal. I was constantly on edge with my home life, and constantly thinking my friends hated me. It just wasn’t a good time. i think I took him for granted a little bit. Eventually he broke up with me, it was for two days.

He said he wanted me to realize a few things. That he was there for me and supports me and that there was no reason to constantly being negative and “take things out on him”. I quickly understood his goal. Even while he broke up with me, I had a feeling he was teaching me alesson. It sounds awful, but we understood it. We got back together two days later, and he still kept in contact with me the two days. It felt great!

We were good for about two months I believe, then in july we got into a fight at a festival. he was drinking and upset I ditched him and his friends for my friend. Honestly it was a super ridiculous fight all together. Embarrassing.
I don’t think the issue ever got resolved.
A month or so down the road we got into another stupid fight. We were at a friends and I was “complaining” the bugs were eating me up. he was drinking and got really “tired” of hearing me nag and decided to leave. I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t speak to him the whole car ride home. He didn’t like that. We got to his house, we’re just sitting there and I’m trying to talk to him and he’s not wanting to do anything or hardly talk to me so i let him know Im going home then. He didn’t react. but when I got my stuff together and started to leave he yells HAVE A NICE LIFE and slams the door.
I was so caught off guard. I didn’t know what the hell was going on or why he did that after I kept trying to talk to him? I of course went back and tried to go inside he wouldn’t let him. i started to walk away and he came out. Eventually we talked things out and I stayed the night and the rest of the night went good. I felt like our relationship got stronger.

Really stupid fights. I don’t understand them at all.

A week or so before we broke up he seemed a little on edge. No matter how hard I tried to talk to him and ask him what’s up he wouldn’t tell me. I got slight anxiety around him because I felt something was up.

Eventually one day he snapped over a text of me saying “I hope I’m always enough for you” he said he didn’t feel appreciated after that and he’s here supporting me and talking to me and doing everything he can for me every day. I guess I didn’t understand where this was coming from considering I always told him EVERY DAY how much i loved him, appreciated him, cared for him, and was proud of him.

I strongly feel like my own stress built up on his shoulders. The night we met up a week after we broke up he said he’s been feeling more happy and more willing to help people. Which hurt. Because a day prior to breaking up he told me he was happy with me and our future and blahblah.

I just feel like he’s just going to realize how happy he is without me and continue on with his life and not even think twice about it. Which is why i want to try NC. I want him to remember the good times and maybe realize we CAN work on things and communicate.

11

I’m sorry that was so much I felt I was on a roll lol

12

oh no, it was perfect. I can understand your confusion! I wonder if he is going through a thing. What that thing might be, I couldnt guess. I wish I had better advice for you - all I can say is to use the time to understand yourself better - see if you can figure out why you react the way he didnt like - was it really out of line? If it was, what in you caused you to react that way? I know I sometimes do things without even knowing I do them until someone points them out. and I am absolutely willing to make an effort to change. But change takes love and support most of the time. And a LOT of self reflection.

13

I truly felt that he was just unhappy with how much stress I had going on in my life and he felt like it fell on his shoulders as well. I’m just honestly scared he’s truly going to realize how much happier he is without me and it sucks. Because I wish he would’ve just communicated with me so Iwouldve understood how stressed he felt. That’s all I wanted