Short story: I met my girl back in Sept. We dated from Sept until Jan when she broke it off. So, only four months. Everything was great: talked and texted frequently, spent time together when work allowed, etc. But, then one day, she went cold. She said that we need to talk…yep. She broke it off. She wanted me to call her the next day but I just asked her to tell me (via text) what was going on. So, she said she couldn’t see me anymore. I texted “May I ask why?” She said “some one back home” (home is 2.5 hr drive away…we only live 10 miles from each other). I replied that I was heartbroken and that she was an amazing woman, that I was hoping that she would be a major part of my life. She said “don’t say heartbroken” and commented that I knew she was a flight risk. I told her that I had fallen for her and that won’t change. I thanked her for bringing happiness to my life and that I just wanted her to be happy. She said that she couldn’t be dishonest with me about the other guy. I said that I am not sure what to think. She said that she wasn’t good at what to say so she said “Goodbye?”
I didn’t beg or plead or anything.
Then I went into NC for about 25 days. I sent her the elephant in the room letter (handwritten because she said he likes letters–while dating she wrote me a nice thank you card for some furniture I got for her apartment) apologizing if I sounded needy, insecure, or controlling. Love makes us do dumb things. I apologized if I ever made her feel uncomfortable. I know where I went wrong and with God’s help, I will be a better person. I thanked her for helping me realize that.
About 5 days later, I sent a text that I was driving to see a patient and saw the plant nursery where we had our first kiss. I explained how it looked different and then said that it looked great when we were there and that was a great memory…a beautiful day.
Less than 10 minutes later, she texted back: It was a great day. I don’t regret the kiss. She wanted to reply to my letter but wasn’t sure if she should or what to say. She said I was incorrect about me pushing her away but she wanted to be totally honest with me and that it would have been unethical if she didn’t tell me (about the other guy).
I replied about 15 min later saying that she is a terrific lady and that was one of the things I liked about her. An hour later, I texted “You don’t need to write a reply to my letter and you don’t have to explain anything. It’s been a long day. I’m going to sleep, Good night.”
Six minutes later, she replied “Good night, Ed. Thank you for your text.”
I was thinking about waiting 3-4 days before texting again but not sure what to say. I don’t want to say something boring or dull and I think it’s too soon to offer a coffee meet-up. I just can’t figure out what else to say to help re-spark an interest.
I do not see her LDR lasting as she doesn’t get to go home very often (maybe 1-2 times per month).
Any suggestions?
@eddie007 You already apologized in the letter you sent 25 days after NC. Then 5 days after that, you sent a memory text. She replied to that text by restating about her interest in the other guy (even though he lives further away from her than you do… 15 minutes later you sent her another text complimenting her about being a great lady. An hour later you sent another text that she doesn’t need to reply to your letter and she doesn’t need to explain anything. 6 minutes later, she sent good night and thank you for the text.
She seems like a nice lady with high moral values. She told you about the other guy. Obviously she knows you want to reunite with her, but she’s interested in someone else. You’ve sent too many texts already and you’ve said all there is to say at this point. It’s time to accept she’s more interested in the other guy right now and there’s nothing you can do or say to change her mind. She is the one who makes her own decisions as to who she has more interest in… You two only dated for 4 months, so maybe she doesn’t have a deep emotional investment in you. However, maybe wait 2 weeks and send a text or call her to ask how she’s doing. If she gives the same answer as to the other guy, you need to accept and respect her decision.
Good luck.
Thanks for your advise, Patricia. I was actually surprised that she responded quickly when we did text. Usually, she is slow to respond and even mentioned it during the relationship. Also, her thanking me for texting her was a surprise (which I did not reply to or comment on).
My goal was to text no more than twice–I guess 3 was pushing it.
The bad thing about text is that I cannot see her reaction as to whether she was happy to hear from me or not. I may wait a few weeks and reach out again.
Thanks again for your help.
I was wondering if I should send the following text. I want to pique her interest but I’m afraid that it might backfire.
“Hi. I hope things are going well for you. I met with a friend at Panera Bread and realized it was only a block away from the Starbucks where we went to on our first date. {City} is a cute little city. I see why you like it.”
To put that in context, obviously we had our first date there last year and she lived there with her friends a few months before she got her own apartment closer to her work place.
@eddie007 No, don’t send another “memory” text! You already sent one about the nursery. Wait at least 2 weeks and just ask how she’s doing, anything new with her etc…
Thanks for the advice, Patricia. I will wait.
Update: I sent her this text: “Hi [name]. I was thinking about you and hope you are doing well. I hope you have a good night at work.” (She’s a nurse that works 7p-7a).
She replied back “Hi Ed. I think about you too on occasion& hope you are well also. Have you found a job better suited for you? And school? I pray so. Thank you for thinking of me.”
(She remembered months ago when I said that my current job was interfering with my clinical for school).
I replied “I turned down one job. There is another I am waiting for a response on. Right now, I am focusing on clinical sites for school.”
Since it was so late, she didn’t reply until the end of her shift (7am) “The right one will come to you, you will have the right instinct. You are going to do amazing things where ever you go.”
That’s the 2nd time she said “thank you” to me (first time was the memory text).
I am thinking about texting in about 3-4 days and maybe increase frequency. I am probably seeing through rose-colored glasses but it seems she wants to be in touch with me. That’s where I am seeking 3rd party advice.
@eddie007 She seems like a nice lady and of course she cares about you, but that doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to get back together with you. You’ve bombarded her with texts recently, but waiting a few days to send another seems okay. But go slow and don’t increase frequency unless she initiates a text to you after that…
Update: Last week, I sent a text with a pic of a road sign that had a city that is her name. I took a picture and sent it with the text “You have a city named after you. Sucks they misspelled your name.” She replied 4 hours later “Yes. Very unfortunate to acknowledge the misspelling of my name. How are you?”
I replied back “Yeah. That sucks that they didn’t spell it right. You know what else sucks?”
Her reply 3 min later: “That is true, but out of our control, right? I think I know what you may say, but what else are you so displeased about?”
I replied “Vacuum cleaners, black holes, and the absence of the witty conversations and the playful banter.”
Her: Ah, yes black holes are a constant worry for us Earthlings. I miss talking with you also, especially medical escapades. When does your next semester begin?
Me: May 11th
Her: That’s good you get a breather in between semesters. I will be praying for you.
I didn’t respond.
Today, the 17th, 8 days after we last texted, I had to see a patient of mine in the building that she works in. She normally works midnight shift so I was surprised to see her on day-shift. I saw her before she saw me and I went about my business. When I went to the desk to check on my patient’s room, I turned around and she was there. She smiled and her face lit up like it always did when we saw each other. It was a cheerful “Hi.” I simply said Hi, smiled and walked away.
About 20 min later, I was done with my patient and was back as the desk doing paperwork. It is St. Patrick’s day and one of the employees was pushing around a cart with snacks and music playing. I started dancing with the lady pushing the cart as she was dancing. Several of the residents at the nursing home were dancing with us. She saw this and had an angry look on her face and stormed past. I didn’t see her for the rest of the time I was there.
I left and went to the nearby Starbucks and got a coffee (she loves coffee–we started dating when I brought her coffee). I took the coffee to the facility. She was at the desk talking to someone and I set it down and she stopped her conversation. I couldn’t see the look on her face because after I set it down, I started walking away.
Less than 5 min, she texted me “Hey you, thank you for the much needed caffeine. You know how I feel about day shift.? I hope the rest of your day goes well.”
I waited 6 min and replied: “You’re welcome. I hope the rest of your shift goes well. Your engagement ring looks pretty”
Her response (20 min later): “It’s not what you think it is. I’m not engaged. Per usual your perception for particulars in on point.”
I waited 30 min and replied “My mistake. It’s still a pretty ring. What’s on point?”
Her reply 2 hours later “Your perception is on point…” (assuming the ring???). “…Reading texts while probably driving and doing a million other things is your other specially.”
I replied an hour later “Uh, thanks? Was that a complement or sarcasm?”
An hour later (I assume when she got home), her reply was “Honest compliment. Am I not right about that?”
I have not answered. I am surprised that she responded quickly to some texts (as she was working). In addition, texting is not her thing. She is usually slow to respond–even when we were seeing each other.
Should I respond to the final text or just ignore it?
@eddie007 You saw a sign with her name on it, took a picture of it, and then sent the picture along with a comment about it? It seems you’re looking for any excuse to contact her. You only dated 4 months and she is interested in someone else! She seems like a nice and polite lady. If or when she initiates a text to you, just answer appropriately.