so i am on day 18 of NC. some days are getting easier, others still seem impossible. in my last convo with my ex, he told me that he does want to get back together some day but he needs more time to be away from the relationship and on his own before he commits to me again because we broke up to explore other options and be single since we started dating so young (we started dating at 15 and 16 and are now 22 and 23). we did meet up and have that conversation in person 3 weeks ago. he texted me later that day to tell me he wants to see me again but he knows he’s not ready to jump back into a relationship. i told him i couldn’t handle that and to please not contact me until he felt ready and he said he understood if i needed to move on but he feels in a few months he will probably be ready. my initial plan was to go NC until the beginning of march and then check in, but now I’m not sure if i can make it that long/if i should make it that long because he might think I’m just moving on? I’m not sure. how long do you guys advise keeping up the NC?
Try to go a full 30 days.
My ex and I haven’t spoken in 5 weeks. For all intents and purposes we’ve seen one another 6-7 weeks ago twice and as far as he made it seem we were going to get back together. It’s a longer story, but the gist is he asked for time to ‘come to center’, I asked him if he wanted me to walk or if he thought I should and he said no. He said he wouldn’t take ‘crazy weeks or months’, but here we are 5 weeks and nothing from him.
I have two options - walk or wait and if I wait try to find ways to relax and calm. It has not been easy especially the last week. I thought of reaching out to touch base and some have said that is a good idea and some have said it’s not. The ones against it have said the ball is in his court - if he hasn’t contacted me in 5 weeks I may want to move on. It’s just hard to know what to do and when. Maybe I wait a few more weeks…?
Only you will know if the relationship is worth it. Nobody will be able to tell you what to do exactly.
Time apart is crucial
We all find the unknown the most difficult to deal with, it’s gut wrenching and almost going NC goes against instinct, but in our heads we know it’s the most productive long term.
It’s clear your ex needs time, he might need 6 months or more! He’s been with you for a long time and he’s wondering what life is like without you. You have to let him explore these feelings.
If he doesn’t explore then he will at a later date want to go off without you.
You don’t have to do either walk or wait. You can spend time discovering new things yourself, broaden horizons, make new friends and dare I say it… Go on a date! It’s not contract binding, it’s having a social life without him but your not promising yourself to anyone because underneath your heart is still with your ex.
I’m getting throught everything by not waiting or walking. If I bump into a new love of my life next week then that’s my course of life, equally, when time goes by and I hook up with my ex it just might take off naturally again as a different relationship… Of course this is what I want but I cNt let so won’t dictate what my future holds.
You’re in control, don’t walk away neither don’t wait. Just live your life to become content inside then everything will slot into place without having to think about it.
Good luck x
Ha. Im going to tell my kids DO NOT FALL IN LOVE YOUNG. My ex and I started young. Were each others firsts… we are in our 20s now. She said she wanted at least a year to figure herself out. She said she didnt know herself without me and pretty much wants to explore life without me. It stings.
@lm i think you should remain in NC until you absolutely feel like you can’t take it anymore. i think at this point you have waited long enough if you do decide to reach out and want an answer, but i do think in some situations the longer a person takes to come back, the better because you want them to be totally sure and confident of their decision. i also bet he really appreciates you giving him his space.
@belle i think your advice is spot on!! that is exactly how i am living my life. I’m not walking away or waiting. I’ve been hanging out with friends, going on dates, spending time with family and trying my best to give him space and time to decide while also remaining happy. i am open if someone wonderful walks into my life but i still hold hope and have a gut feeling my ex will be back. i try not to let this thought consume how i act but i still remain hopeful he will return while also enjoying myself and not sitting around and waiting at home in the meantime.
@labound. i agree with you!!! i think its so hard because we all probably have very strong relationships but as a result of our age and how young we met, our partners feel the need to explore other paths. i hope we all get our exes back or find something better 
how are you dealing with the NC?
The past few days were rough but today I woke up feeling a happy emotional connection when I thought of my ex.
NC isn’t really hard for me anymore. Ive been doing it off n on for a while. Lol torn between false friendship and NC.
Im going to be okay no matter what. NC is a wonderful time of self reflection and working on myself. I have time and energy to really discover who I am and what I want.
I believe in the law of attraction. And I need to really stay positive and make affirmations for what I want.
I haven’t been doing that.
i woke up with a very similar feeling! not sure whether or not to really believe in “gut” feelings, but i just woke up feeling like this is all temporary and he will be back in a few months. hopefully this won’t lead to too much false hope, i just have had an inkling he’s really thinking things through and will come back refreshed and appreciative of our relationship. I’m thinking this will happen around april. who knows but I’ve always been bug on gut feelings and I’ve been feeling better and focusing on taking things a day at a time since having this thought!
but i agree, NC definitely getting much easier and I’m balancing it with a false friendship. I’m going to go maybe another 30 days and then just reach out and be friendly but I’m not going to mention meeting up or the relationship until end of march/april to give us both enough time to be ready
How are you doing?
wow this is a really old thread! funny to read now.
I’m doing well! time really helps with healing. reading this post back, i came across as so needy and desperate! overall I’m relatively happy now considering. although i still hope my ex and i can reconcile one day, I’m not living my life waiting for it or planning for it. he knows how to reach me if he wants to come back, if not i need to continue healing and doing things for me. its amazing how much your perspective can change after a few months!
Its good to hear from you again:)
I hope i can get that strong like you
be patient! it definitely takes time. eventually everyone on this site has to make a choice: sit around and be miserable and hope and plan for a reconciliation that will most likely never happen or get on with life and try to be happy with what we have and possibly revisit the relationship once we are feeling more emotionally stable.
if my ex and i would’ve reconciled around the time i started this thread it would’ve failed because i was too emotional and my happiness was too dependent on him. while i still miss him and think about him and hope we reconcile now, i don’t need him to be happy and I’m certainly not in a position to really try to “get him back”. he left me! i didn’t really do anything wrong. we were together 7 years so i imagine in the future we will talk again because our break up was very open ended - he wanted to date others and see what was out there but left the door wide open to reconcile. i don’t think this is the last ill hear from him but i need to focus on me and not him now.
how long have you been broken up for? my advice is to really cut all contact - but don’t do it to get him back, do it for you. don’t try to manipulate him or play games. just focus on your own healing. you need to heal regardless of whether or not you reconcile. what helped me a lot was reading, spending lots and lots of time with girlfriends, calling friends, going out, shopping, pampering myself, focusing on school, and working out. stay busy and distracted and push yourself but also give yourself time to grieve. its an emotional roller coaster but you can’t let yourself wallow in self pity!
What you said makes sense…
Well we broke up in august and i followed NC and we got back after a month or so. Since then he started to change. That spark was missing sometimes.
We used to meet somtimes daily for a week. But we last met on 1st january. He wanted to be alone. I thoughg he might be depressed but it comes out that he just likes to be alone and he is not depressed. He was like that before but he used to talk to me and nobody else. He used to tell me when he was going out and when he gets back home.
Anyways, we were having so many fights from almost a year.
We had a fight again and on 2nd feb he said he wanted to break up. I thought it would be just the aggression or something like that but on 8th he said we already broke up. He said he wanted to be single and wants peace.
I dont know what he wants. He texted me last night. He has texted me before.
Can u look at my latest thread?
It is short but i had mentioned everything there.
atea1234,
It’s great that you finally feel emotionally stable and happy with yourself! Don’t be afraid to go on dates - what you do with your life is your business, and if he wanted to know about it he shouldn’t have broken up with you. Just live your life how you want to 