So, my ex and I of over 2 years broke up a little over a month ago. For the first week or two after the break up, I did what most people do and I begged him to take me back. I now know that was a big mistake. However, after realizing it was a mistake, I decided to start no contact. As of August 31st it was 30 days. I texted him on that day. I just sent him a picture of a boat that I thought he would be interested in (he was looking for a new boat before we broke up) that was a good deal. He really enjoyed that I know a lot about boats (mostly because he taught me) and that I know how to find a good deal so I thought that was a good text to send. He responded and asked me a few questions about the boat. After those few questions, he then texted me a little while later and asked how I have been. I responded and told him I’ve been good and have been really enjoying the summer and that I was not excited for school to start next week. He responded and said “yeah it flew by. I’m good been working too much haha” I then responded and told him that a job he recently finished looked good because I saw he posted about it on social media. He replied to that message and told me about the job and that it was difficult because the person he was working for was tough to work for. I knew the guy he was working for so I said that I thought he seemed he would be like that. He then responded “yeah” and I decided not to respond to that. I feel as though the conversation went better than I thought it would because I didn’t expect for him to ask how I was doing. What do you think should be the next step? I’m hoping he will contact me before I contact him again but I’m not sure that will happen. His birthday in about a week so I plan to contact him on that day.
The one thing that I am very concerned and worried about is that he is seeing another girl. I’m not sure how serious it is but I just know he is seeing her. He told mutual friends he was not but I have seen on her social media that she was at the same places as him. I’m worried that he is going to want to be with her and not me but I also think that she is his rebound as there are many signs that she is a rebound. They started seeing each other barely a week after we broke up and she is nothing like me at all, she’s actually the complete opposite. This girl is a girl from his past. He has never actually been in a relationship with her but he tends to use her when he’s either in between relationships or “on a break”. When he broke up with his ex girlfriend before he met me he was seeing this girl he’s currently with until he met me and we became serious, so he clearly chose me over her before so do you think there’s a chance he will again?
@Nicholle - You’re doing fine so far. Don’t contact him again until his birthday and then just send a nice Happy Birthday note or call him to say it. Nobody knows if a rebound will last and you don’t even know for sure if they’re dating. But sometimes rebound relationships work out to be longer term like the one he had with you. Be patient after his birthday and hopefully he will contact you again.
Don’t stalk social media as it will make you sad and you can’t be sure what stuff means…
Good luck.
Hi Patricia,
Thank you for your advice! How do you think the first conversation after no contact went?
@Nicholle - I think it went well, but that doesn’t mean he wants to get back with you. What were the reasons he broke up with you? Just for reference: Don’t drag out the texting if he contacts you again. Keep any replies short, sweet, and upbeat. Don’t act jealous of the other girl.
He didn’t exactly give me a reason for breaking up with me and he didn’t actually even break up with me he just began ignoring me. I went to his house one day (after about a week of him ignoring me) to see what was going on and he told me he didn’t want to be with me anymore or at least right now. There was no reason except that he said that I am too much. I think he means we were together too much. He doesn’t exactly have a full time job and he just does handyman jobs right now (he is young) and I am still in school so during the summer I have a lot of free time. We spent every single day together all day and I think that was just unhealthy because we were together way too much. I went to his jobs with him and we did absolutely everything together. I think we both needed a break, I just didn’t expect for it to be a breakup/ this long.
@Nicholle - Doesn’t want to be with you now basically means a breakup and you should consider it as such. Even if he’s young, it was immature of him to ignore you rather than tell you straight up what he was thinking. Maybe he feels ashamed that he doesn’t have a regular full time job. But this is something he has to handle himself. But that isn’t the reason he doesn’t want to be with you.
It’s only been a month since the breakup, the spending far too much time together is what most likely caused him to feel smothered, even if he was acting like it was okay. You are the one who has to back off now. If he ever wants to get together again, DON’T see each other so much!! My gosh, I’m sure you both had other things to do with your time.
Don’t initiate anymore texts! Don’t go over to his house! Just acknowledge his birthday and that’s it. Give him room to breathe. Give him a chance to miss you. Get on with doing things you enjoy and don’t obsess over him. School will be starting soon, so focus on that.
How old are each of you?
Thank you! I am 21 and he is 23, he will be 24 next week. He definitely felt smothered and I believe that is the only reason for the break up as we got along very well. We were best friends and truly did enjoy being with each other for the most part (he told me he enjoyed it). Spending all that time together is what ruined our relationship and I am hoping that we can get back together and learn that we can’t be together as much.
I think the reason he ignored me was because it was too hard for him to actually break up with me. When I saw him in person I could tell he was sad and he did not really want to do it. When we were together he wanted to be with me it was just when we were apart that he did not. When we weren’t together he felt more smothered because I would text him too much. He told me he loved me that day too and that we might get back together just not now. I’m not sure what that means.
@Nicholle - OMG! Texting too on top of all the togetherness!?! It means exactly what he said. MIGHT get back together. NOT now. It also means he’s thinking about it and needs time to think. Stop bugging him by initiating texts! He’s feeling the full impact of too much togetherness and smothering.
He enjoyed being with you, but whether or not he would admit it, I’m sure he thought it was way much. You have to learn not to smother a guy or monopolize all his time! Even if a guy asks to see you, you don’t have to be so available. Make time to visit with family and friends and do thing you enjoy. Then if he asks to see you, tell him you have other plans (even what plans), but don’t break them for him.
Yes, most guys have a difficult time breaking up with a girl and try to avoid saying it.
So I guess you’re going back to college soon and I wish you luck with your grades etc.
I’m almost positive he bought the boat I sent him, but he did not tell me. It really hurts that he didn’t tell me. Do you think that means he just doesn’t care or is there another reason he didn’t tell me?
@Nicholle - I think it means he doesn’t want to talk with you for fear you will try to turn it into a texting marathon. He’s still remembering the smothering aspect. Just send a very short simple Happy Birthday and then don’t contact him again until he contacts you first.
He actually contacted me today and told me he bought the boat and to thank me for showing it to him. I answered and said “Hey you’re welcome. I thought you would have it was a good deal for the exact boat you wanted” He responded and told me how much he bought it for and that it needs a little work like another boat we looked at in the beginning of the summer. I responded and said it was a good deal and just asked where he got it. He hasn’t answer yet hopefully he will answer.
I also have a quick question, should I ask him if I can come pick up my stuff that I left at his house and drop off his stuff or wait a while to do that?
@Nicholle
See? You tried to start another texting marathon when you asked where he got the boat. You should have stopped after he thanked you and you replied “You’re welcome…it was a good deal”.
Write and ask him when it would be convenient to pick up your stuff and return his. Don’t be dramatic when you see him and don’t ask to get back together.
If he is seeing someone else, as you wrote in a reply to another post, you have to accept that fact and don’t bother or text him anymore after you get your stuff back.
He answered my text and we had a little conversation about the boat. We ended the conversation saying that we should catch up soon. I’m probably going to wait to get my stuff because he doesn’t have much. I hate leaving things places so I never really left anything. The only thing he has in my skis and to be honest I don’t really need that at the moment. He’s definitely seeing someone else but I still don’t think its possible that he could have moved on so fast. He is the type of person that hates being alone, so that is why I really think this is a rebound. In my opinion, I think he moved on physically but not emotionally. He told me plenty of times that the way he felt about me was way different than he ever felt about a girl before. He was so in love with me. He dated his ex before for 4 years and he told me he had stronger feelings for me than he ever did for her. They had an on and off relationship that involved a lot of cheating on his part, but he never cheated on me.
How is it possible to move on in just a few days?
@Nicholle
I have a feeling you’re the one who brought up the subject of ‘catching up’ soon. He probably said okay, but didn’t give a specific day to do it. I suggest if he agrees to meet up someday, that you ask him to bring your skis and you bring his things. That way it won’t seem like a pathetic ‘excuse’ to see him again later on. If he contacts you after that, it will show some interest level.
For now, he is aware of the ‘catching up’ thing, so don’t start pressuring him to set a day. If he really wants to ‘catch up’ he will check back with you to let you know what days would be convenient. You need to learn self control about contacting him and not drag out talks over text.
After guys cheat, it’s likely to happen again. I hope he didn’t cheat on you, but there is no way to prove that he didn’t. It’s possible for a guy to move on quickly because most of them truly enjoy the company of women, it provides an ego boost, and if they can get sex, that’s even better. But there are also some guys out there who are seeking an exclusive loving relationship. Which one he is and what he’s looking for, I can’t say. Rebounds are likely to fizzle out, but sometimes the guy is happy and satisfied with the rebound woman and it can last an unknown amount of time.
You sound like a nice person who is trying to be supportive of his interests (like the boat) and I’m sure he appreciates it, but it doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to reconcile. You have to go slow, don’t act jealous of the other woman, and don’t pester him:) Wishing you much luck!
I really care about him. He was my best friend and the person I loved more than anything. It’s been almost 2 months and nothing has changed I still feel the same as I felt on day one. Some days are better than others, but overall I’m still obsessing over him. I miss telling him everything and I miss being able to go to him if I needed help with anything. The hardest part really is that I lost my best friend. I know he loved me I could tell by the way he looked at me and held me at night every single night even the night before he broke up with me. I think he still does love me and sometimes I feel like he’s waiting for me to text him that I miss him. We are very similar and I know how he thinks because its similar to the way I think. I’m expecting him to text me, but I think he is expecting me to text him. He is not the kind of person that likes to give in. I know he is currently with another girl, but I just don’t see him being into her like he was with me. I was very special to him and honestly he put up with a lot. 2 years is a long time to spend with somebody and then just forget about them like they were never there. It was even that we just spent two years together. We did everything together for those 2 years (tons of vacations, events, weddings, sleepovers every night, etc.) That is why I don’t think it is possible for him to be over me already. We really did have something good and we really did make each other happy. His parents loved me and considered me their daughter. I thought we were getting married for real and I’m pretty sure he thought so too.
Also to be honest, I would understand if he wanted to be single. I did smother him and he needed his own space, but he was never single. He started seeing a new girl right away and basically just filled my place with her.
I’m thinking about texting him and telling him I miss him because I think doing that is the only way I will have a chance at getting him back. I know this site and all relationship experts say to do the opposite but they also don’t know him.
@nicholle - If you didn’t say you missed him when you were talking about the boat, I suppose you should go ahead and tell him. It will probably put your mind at rest as doing everything you could. Let us know how it goes. Otherwise, wait until he contacts you about a meet up to exchange things and tell him at that time.
Sounds like you were great together, but just way too much togetherness! Only married people have that much time together. If you ever get another chance, don’t smother him or monopolize all his time.
I think we actually spent more time together than most married people lol. The amount of time we spent together was definitely too much and if we get back together I plan on allowing us both to have our own space. I haven’t told him I miss him yet. I want to text him and I feel like I should but at the same time I’m really nervous to do it. He’s a very sensitive person but I’m the only person who knows that. So I think that if I happened to text him at the right time when he was home alone in bed or something we could have a good conversation, but if I text him at the wrong time when he’s out with his friends the conversation wouldn’t go as good.