no contact didnt work :( hopeless

[princesa]

Hey.
so me and my ex broke up in september 2014. We were together for 2 years. It was my idea…not to break up, but i just wanted a little break so i can figure out what to do. I told him that. He said he will always love me and that we will always have a chance. He was always saying that i am the one. he wanted forever with me, he told me that so many times. he is now 24 and i am 22.

So while we were apart, we talked every day. We stayed in contact and i thought we will get back together in no time.
but then i started noticing that he distanced himself from me. He was cold, sometimes mean. He was never like that with me. I was his everything, and he was mine. He would never do ar say sth to hurt me.

I wanted him back. this was one and a half months after the break up. He said no. I was shocked. I didnt expect that at all. I thought he will be happy, because he always said he wants me and just me. So i tried harder.

In the begining of november he kind of took me back. We had sex we talked. It was good, the world made sence again. But it wasnt the same. He was different. it was like he was mad with me. Like really mad. He didnt care about my feelings anymore, he didnt have time for me. He had to work a lot. I tried but in vain.
After 4 days it was my birthday. he didnt send me no text all day. He came to my house at 7pm and told me we are not good together, that we arent right for eacn other.

I was in such pain. It was horrible. to this day i am still afraid of that pain, that heartbreak i felt. I cried. I had a mental break down. I always had my feelings under control, but not this time. My whole world was crushed. I couldnt belive what he was saying. He was so in love with me. He told me so many beautiful things. How could he just change his mind, just like that.

When i was ready to have forever with him, he changed his mind. How can this be. I still dont get it. For 2 years he was the nicest boyfriend ever. He was perfect.

for another two months we stayed in contact. he was nice, but when i wanted to talk about us he became all angry and we started to fight. he said so many horrible things to me. he had no feelings at all. he didnt care anymore, he just said whatever he wanted, he must have known he will hurt my feelings.

It was so bad that i couldnt do it anymore so i started no contact in december. He didnt contact me. It will soon be 2 months of NC. He still didnt text me or anything. is that it? Will he never talk to me again? is it hopless?

I feel like i did everything i could do to move on. But my heart still loves him. I just cant help It. i feel like i will always be in love with him. one day he will have another girlfriend and i dont know if i can take so much pain. I am so scared.
i am a dancer so i do have something besides school. I do have the best friends and family i could wish for. I have a really good life but i feel empty inside. I never knew how much i loved him. and know i dont know what to do.
When it comes to dating, i havent really tried that yet. i feel like wih my bad luck none will ever ask me out. I feel like there is something wrong witH me. I feel confident that i do look ok, but nobody ever askes me out.
how can i even try to move on if nobody is interested in me?

Help. Please. Any feedback is welcome.

[new_haven_nick]

He’s probably just mad about the first time you two separated, it probably still eats at him. Did you two ever really try to engage that and talk about it? If it’s been this long that neither of you have talked to one another, have you thought about being the one to open up to him and contact him?

[qazwsxedcrfv]

I feel bad no one replied to this sooner. I know how you feel, I’ve been there myself. Stuck and alone.

Now, I’m going to ask you something, have you tried putting yourself out there? Your 22. I know it might be hard at first, but when I was stuck (for a long, hard, 9 months) I met a guy named Kyle. It was through a friend. I hadn’t put myself out there, hadn’t met any new people until then, and I was shocked at how nice he was. His compliments made me feel good and warm inside, and I hadn’t realized how much I truly missed feeling that way until he came along. We ended up dating the day after we met (dont do that part). We asked each other questions and fast forward to this day he and I are inseparable. We are so close not a single person could pull is apart. And you know what? Were not even dating anymore. We’ve been on and off lately, but I know that I can always count on him, and that I will always have him as a friend. Now, remember that ex I was talking about before? The one I was stuck on for 9 months? I dont even think about him anymore. He was a complete jerk to me in our relationship and I was too blinded to see it.

Now, I know putting yourself out there is scary, but it’ll give you something else to focus on besides all the pain. I know the thought of getting close with someone else is scary too. Man, did it freak me out. But let me tell you, it paid off in the end.

It also sounds like, to me, that what he said to you really had a toll on your self confidence. So go spend some money and time on yourself! Go get your hair done, go get some new clothes. Feel good about yourself. You deserve it, trust me.

PS. If you do meet someone, you are going to compare your ex with the new guy. Some people think this is bad, but I think its really good! Your taking notice of things that are different, maybe this new guy has an attractive new quality that your ex didnt. Try to think positive, and no matter what, stay true to yourself. C:

[princesa]

@newheavennick
thank you so much for your feedback. yes i tried a few weeks ago. after 35 days of No contact. I added him back on fb. He didnt start conversation. I waited a few days then i started the conversation. It was bad. I wish i havent done that. he seemed nice, he was ill and he was the one to end the conversation after just a few minutes. I got really upset. after all this time and he didnt show any sign he wants to talk to me.
i wrote him a long message on fb. it wasnt a mean one, But he didnt like it. He wrote back and said some horrible things. He was angry. I didnt reply. i deleted him on fb again. after a while he wrote back that he is sorry for the mean words, and that he does care and it makes him angry that i think he doesnt. after a day or two he added me back on fb. We havent talked since… I feel like he should be the one now. I dont want to be the crazy stalker girl who doesnt get the clue to move on. What do you think? did he move on? Is it hopeless? What else can i do, because everytime we talk he is angry and then i am angry and i’m tired of that. I dont want to be angry anymore.

Thank you so much.

[princesa]

@qazwsxedcrfv
Thank you for your time. i am so happy when i see someone’s reply.

Well i guess i dont know how to put myself out there. Haha. I should have known that by now. Most of the days i spend in school or at dance practice or hanging out with my friends. it’s not like i am anti-social, but i dont go out at night anymore. I dont like it anymore and also I am afraid i will saw my ex flirting with someone else. It’s still all about him.
I am at school that has 200 students in my year and only 10 girls. There and so many boys and none will ever ask me out. in 3 years none did. I dont know what the problem is. I honestly dont know how to date. like you said i dont feel confident and i am a bit shy. So yes i tried everything but dating, the hair the clothes. dating is just something i dont how to do. it’s embarrassing really.

I was really inspired by your story with kyle. I hope that with time i will see that there are other people out there for me. I am happy for you.

[qazwsxedcrfv]

Do any of your friends know any guys? Maybe they can introduce you to some people. Or maybe you can go out, have a girl night. Dont even look at guys at this stage. Just focus on getting yourself back on track first. That isn’t to say, if you see someone you think is cute, go talk to him! Its healthy.

You dont know how to date… I think your better then you think, you maintained a relationship with your ex for 2 years. That requires some skills young lady c: But, maybe you can ask your friends for pointers. Ask them what they think you lack at doing. Take this as constructive criticism and work on yourself.

If you really don’t like going out at night anymore, you don’t have to. But I think your ex might be keeping other guys away from you at your school. This might be because he still has feelings for you or it might be because he completely trash talked you. I’m not sure. People might also not want to hit on you because of how long you and your ex were together. Its a small school, word gets around. I dont think that your bad at dating though. Is that the way your ex made you feel??

[new_haven_nick]

You know, to be honest with you, i kind of feel like i was that guy at one point in my last relationship… that I’m trying to salvage, i won’t get into that though.

Anyway, i remember for me, I had a hard time talking about the issues I had with her.

If it were me, I’d want to hear that person say something like: I didn’t mean to upset you the last time we messaged each other, i felt like you didn’t care because of everything that’s happened. I understand that whenever i try to talk to you about what happened to us it bothers you. But can we please talk about what happened to us?

Or something, you get the gist of what I’m saying right? Point I’m trying to make is, for whatever reason, something between the two of you bothers him enough that he feels angry whenever you two talk about it. He wants to vent but it upsets him so much that he says a bunch of mean things that then make him upset later. More than likely the root cause of all this is probably because of your separation, maybe he wants to hear that you regret that decision. He might still feel hurt from it.

I hope that made sense.

[princesa]

@newhavennick
thank you for your reply.
yes i know what you mean. I just messaged him today. We talked for about an hour. It was casual. we didnt say anything mean. i told him why i was angry before. But it feels like he is avoiding the conversation about us. He just wont talk to me about us. He is not bothered by no contact at all. He is busy, he says. He just doesnt care anymore.

Before no contact i tried everything to fix us. i told him everything. That i regret, i explained why i did it in the first place. I apologized. I did everything i could, and he was mean. he said i have to respect his decision. And that’s it. He is not bothered that we dont talk, i think he is fine. I told him numerous times that i care, that i love him, that i didnt really ment to breake up. he said that i dont have to say it over and over again, because he knows how i feel. So no, it is not that. I think he simply doesnt care.
he use to be so emotional with me. The thing he said, promised.
I remember what he said to me when we were still together., that when we break up he will be mean to me, because it will be easier for me to move on. And he really did everything he said he would. He told me he doesnt love me anymore.

i lost all hope. i feel like i have to walk away for good. He is destroying me. when he broke up with me, he told me maybe we will have a chance 1 year from now or 5 years. he was so confident that he can win me back when he wishes. he was such a jerk about it. When we were in relationship he was never like that. he was so much more emotional than me. I feel like he closed his heart and doesnt feel anything anymore.
I cant live like this. This false hope and no contact… nothing really works. He has to be the one to come to me now. And he wont.

thank you so much for your support. any advice is welcome.

[princesa]

@qazwsxedcrfv
Thank you for your reply.
you are so nice. Your comment really made me laugh.
No, even before my relationship i havent been on many dates. i am completely lost. I guess it would be easier for me to meet someone new, thats why i want to date in the first place. It sounds so easy when you say go talk to the cute guy. haha. i feel anxious just thinking about it. my ex really took my confidence away from me. i will try to do as you say And hopefully i will start dating soon. i really cant stand being so weak because of one person, i feel like i have to show him i am ok without him.

[qazwsxedcrfv]

Go out, have fun. Know that you look good. Now, when you talk to guys you dont know, think about it like this ‘Hey, I’ll talk to this guy. If he’s not into me, he’s a stranger, I’ll never see him again. If he’s an asshole, then he isn’t worth my time anyway.’ That’s how I keep my cool when I talk to new guys (and people in general). Just dont put up with any BS. If your really worried, rehearse a conversation with a good friend. Think of new guys like your friends at first, after all, their people too. Ask them questions. Show your interest. If he seems interested (asks you questions, checks you out, etc.), tell him you want to trade numbers. Put something cute and flirty in his phone. Have fun with it!

And MOST IMPORTANTLY, remember your not doing this to show him anything. Your doing this because YOU want to. That’s the only reason to do anything. C:

[princesa]

@qazwsxedcrfv
That is really good advice! i really need my confidance back. And you are right about not puting up with no BS from anyone.
Thank you so much.

[qazwsxedcrfv]

Of course oh, and a little trick? When a guy gives you their number, repeat it back to them with one digit off. Sometimes guys are dicks and give girls the wrong number. If you say it with one number off from what he just told you was the correct number, and he says its correct, DITCH HIM. He’s a dick. Hahahaha, good luck to you girl! C: