Daniel,
Thank you for your quick response.
I know it’s a tough long road. There are days I am losing hope and others where I am so determined!
Any advice?
Thanks
Julia
Julia,
That’s correct what Kevin said, I used that templet and I also included something that reminded her of a bliss moment during our relationship. I do recommend for you to start now. I’ll help you relieve stress from the break up and it’ll give you an idea of what you’ll write in your final letter. I re wrote it like 5 or 6 times
Stay strong, best wishes
Hi Julia
I used the template from Relationship rewind as a starting point then chopped and changed it as I felt best for my situation. Personalizating it to your situation is the key. Like yourself I wrote the letter and sat on it for a week before even looking it again. I made a lot of changes from the original draft.
For myself personally my paragraphs went something along the lines of
Paragraph 1 - Apology
Paragraph 2 - Reminders of bliss moments and reinforcing that I did love her during the relationship
Paragraph 3 - acceptance of breakup but desire to be friends
Paragraph 4 - calling out that she hasn’t maintain friendship even know she promised we would
Paragraph 5 - Reinforcing my belief in her as a decent person and someone who will do well with their career
Paragraph 6 - Hints at stuff happening my life and wanting to meet up
If you have read some of my earlier posts you will know that I didn’t hear back from my Ex after I sent the letter (I know she got it) but I still believe my letter was well written and would of spoken volumes to her
Hope this helps you
You guys thank you so much! You are amazing.And it’s also nice to have a guy’s perspective.I’ll update you soon.
Thanks,
Julia
Julia,
Try writing a letter everytime you have an idea on your mind.
You know what dont mind his rebound. It will only mess with your mind. My situation was before was tough. My ex started to entertain someone new but she did not commit to him yet. Shes talkin it slowly and surely so im positive its not a rebound. She is also kind of sweet to him already. But hey, its all in the past. Im over it. If ever you dont get him back. Youll be fine trust me. Goodluck! I wish you do get him back!
Actually I do have a quite crucial question regarding the communication in general. I already had my doubts about communicating first. I mean why should i contact him with a letter or sth else? He is the one who broke up with me. He is the one who wasn’t responding to my emails and calls at the beggining of our break up. If I send him the letter even after quite some time it will be like i am chasing him again even though the content of the letter won’ t reveal something like that. Isn’t it his turn to chase me and try to win me over? I revealed to my friend who has been amazing and so helpful during my break up my intention to contact him through the letter and she said it’s the worst idea.
What you guys think? I really really need your input on this!!!
Many thanks
Julia
the purpose of the letter is to let him know that you are now okay with the break up and you respect his decision. And that you are not crazy about him anymore and that you are sorry for chasing him to the point that it annoys him. That’s it.
Truth be told this whole plan to get the ex back is not guaranteed to work on everyone. In my batch here, i guess only one of us got his ex back.
If you are thinking that way then i guess you have the right mindset. But only you have the knowledge what is best for your situation. Be ready to lose him and save the begging keep your dignity Goodluck!
Daniel,
Thank you for your response. So what you’r saying is that it all depends on the content of the letter. Cause i think there is too much of intimacy in the template that is in the Relationship Rewind.
Kind of. I made mine plain and simple. So it will seem less emotional. My real intention for the letter is to let my ex know that i am calm and composed already. And that i reapect her decision. That is all.
Daniel,
If you don’t mind me asking, what are your intentions with your ex? Are you still in NC?
Right now? Its been 5mos since we broke up. And im proud to say moving on. Sorry if i talk like im not helping you guys get your ex back. But the real thing is you have to move on to get them back. In my position is i the best time to decide to get back with them or not. Because i am stable now and i have assesed that she is not healthy for me and the break up has propelled me to greater heights. You will only see what your relationships really brings if you look at it from the outside. Although im out of death’s door and if evwr i text my ex she would respnd casually
Daniel,
You are so right. But I don’t quite understand when you say that ‘the real thing is you have to move on to get them back’ . I feel that if I move on then I will not want to get back with him.
In addition I would like to share an incident that happened recently and I would like someone’s opinion:
I met him by chance about 3 weeks ago and we had a small chit chat. I wasn’t emotional at all and I gave him the impression I am doing things for myself and I am happy. Nevertheless he managed to ruin the whole thing! What I mean is this:
My roommate and friend is also his friend (actually I met him through her). While we were chatting he asked me if I talk to her. I responded: ‘Does it matter?’ And then he goes: ‘You are asking (about me) and I know it’. The truth is I did ask her since I made her telling me that he is seeing someone else. So I assume what must have happened is that she revealed to him that she had to tell me about this other person since I kept asking her.
All these thoughts were running through my head while he was telling me this and all I could think of was that you can trust no one!!! So I told him in the nicest way that he shouldn’t trust her cause I certainly don’t trust her and I left the conversation. What he did though was totally unexpected cause he contacted her on the same day ‘accusing’ her of telling me everything he is telling her which is so not true. I mean what the hell???! She immediately texted me and asking what had happened. It got so messed up! Bottom of line I am now so indifferent to her and I am mad at him! That is why I decided to follow NC for 2 months just to calm down.
I would really like your opinion on this!
Many thanks
Julia
Julia,
What Daniel means why “you have to move on to get him back” is that in order for you to get him back you have to acknowledge that you can be happy without him. Theres a big difference between wanting something and needing something. If it’s true what you feel for him you’ll still have it once you reach this point. Then you can contact him without sounding needy and he’ll see that in you. If for whatever reason he doesn’t want to comeback (as it’s happened to some) you have moved on and it won’t break you. Like Daniel suggested, you have to expect the worst so that you don’t loose sanity and above all your sanity is the most important
I had a job interview today… and did really well and all i can think about is calling to tell him. And i cant. I hate it and i keep thinking about the voicemail that his mother left me. If his family thinks about me all the times does that mean he is too,
Hey all,
Could someone please offer some encouragement? It’s one of these days where I cant stop crying…
Thanks,
Julia
Hi there Julia
Hang in there girl. I have read your thread and know how tough it is for you. Personally I don’t think there is anything wrong with spending the whole day crying and that’s coming from a guy who still cries regularly. I think media has a lot to answer to for making crying uncool. Its part of the grieving process and is good for you. L.A has hit the nail on the head with what he said in regards to moving on.
“Hope for the best and prepare for the worst” is one of my sayings I hope you get back with your Ex and he makes you happy and you spend the rest of your lives together in bliss but you have to start planning ‘YOUR’ life as if you will never see him again. Start doing things that will make you happy and do things for yourself, not your Ex. If that makes any sense to you.
If you are feeling real bad trying doing something that will take your mind off things even if it is only for a hour or so. During the first 2 months of my breakup I watched a lot of movies and TV. Sometimes I would just zone out and wouldn’t really pay attention to what was going on in the movie, but it was there and help take my mind of things even if for a brief time.
Don’t be afraid to share with either us on the forum or a close friend/family member on how you are feeling. MY best friend was gold during that initial period. I lost a lot of my social circle with the breakup, but one friend who has been my bestie for over 20 years stuck by me even know him and his wife have a 10month old baby and it was inconvenient for him
Marie - Great work on doing the job interview and I know how it feels when something exciting happens in your life and your initial reaction is tell the one who is closest to your heart. It does suck that you cant share those moments for now, but stay focused 
Steve,
Thank you so much for your response.
It is indeed the hardest thing. I know what I am supposed to do and trust me I am doing all these things. But there are some times when you just can’t help it and you feel like drowning simply because you so miss someone.
I also feel bit of frustrated cause it’s been almost 3 and a half months and at times I feel like I am back to square one and made no progress. Well my NC started only a month ago and I have an additional one. Fortunately I have an amazing friend as well and she is helping through this process so much.
Thank you for you support. Means a lot!
Julia
Julia… one thing that has helped me is writing letters to him without sending. I still cry every day also. Just try to find time to laugh. I still struggle a lot but someone told me to hold on because when you get that text from your loved one it will all almost be worth all the pain… or when you wake up stronger one day.
Marie0713,
Yeah I wrote as well many letters during the first couple of weeks.
There are indeed some days that I really feel determined and some others where I say to myself ’ Why bother? He doesn’t’. But I guess we will have to go through this hell if we need to become stronger…