Tomorrow marks 30 days since the last time my ex and I engaged in a full on conversation. I still remember the day, place, and time. The look on her face when I said goodbye. I told her to take care of herself and told her to close her eyes and I kissed her goodbye(an old trick of mine. She knows what it means) she smiled and blush, for a second I felt a little spark ignite between us. Unfortunately, I would have to let it die on it own. I had smothered her with needyness and she was annoyed with it. So It was very important for us to have have some time for ourselves. NC was the only thing that could ever restore our love or let me down easy.
Next week I will be sending my letter. Anxious to know what will happen but I’m ready for anything. Ready to make things work…as ready to let go and move on forever.
My last post made thing of something. You’re thoughts are welcome
Since i went NC with my ex. My ex before her has been texting me and snap chatting me a lot. She’s been a good friend through all this. I’ve been talking to her becuase I needed to get my mind off my current ex. My old ex told me She told me she still has feeling for me but isn’t seeking a relationship so in reality we are just friends. There’s nothing there. I don’t really feel for her what I felt with my current ex. However, like I said we have been in contact this whole time. She’s been snap chatting me a lot and I to her. If you know how that app works people can see your top people you snap chat and has them ranked. She’s my top person on the list and has been this whole month. My ex can see this and I know she’s seen it. Can this ruin my chances? Since she’s not just another girl but my ex before her.
Since, I’ve seen that my ex has this guy as her top friend too. I feel she’s just trying to get back at me and is therefore talking to this guy who she also has history with.
I just realized that this can turn into mind games and that’s not what I want her to think, well at least not with my old ex.
Also did catch her with the guy she’s talking to. She’s never seen me with my old ex. I’m honestly not freaking out about this but just cerious. Let me know your thoughts
I love your attitude LA.when you said your ready to let go and move on it made me sure that you are really ready to contact her.and you did NC really well.
Best of luck
I was good, doing well my confidence was back up after my little encounter. But without me looking for it I keep seeing this guy my ex is with all the time. It’s torture. It’s killing me inside. I don’t want to care. But the fact that I’m ending NC soon is making me loose it. I was doing well and I don’t want to loose what I started on. But at the same time there is still a part of me that cares about her and old wounds are opening up. I’m sure he’s just a rebound but I can’t contain it. Just saw a picture my ex’s sister posted of this guy. Apparently she’s friends with him now. It’s making me wonder why he’s getting evolved with the family now. Please someone help me from going crazy. I’m not sure what to do. I want to text her but I don’t want to because if I do it’s going to be all needyness. I just want this out of my system.
I know what I have to do…get it together. Let all this bounce off me. I’m a confident person. I know I can do this.
The only thing that scares me is that she’s completely moved on. And is with this guy that she was talking to while we were still together. Honesty that’s what hurts me the most. I’m not sure if I should contact her tomorrow or next week. NC officially ends tomorrow but I ran into her and this guy 2 days ago and I was recommend to wait 1-2 weeks. I’m getting nervous that the more I wait the more shell get closer to this guy.
I know I have to stop thinking of this person. It’s bad for my mental health but when you stumble on these things it feels even worse.
Specially because I was just recovering from my last incident. The suspense of what she’ll say when I contact her is killing me. I’m getting the urge to skip the letter and just text her. I want all this to be over. I’m tired of going through this.
I was hanging out with my friends having a good time and I happen to get I. My phone and saw that. It ruined my whole night.
I plan on stay off of social media. I’m better off not knowing what’s happening
Sorry for rambling. I just found this out and it make me loose it again.
Please give feedback. When should I contact her. Tomorrow or next week? Should I still send the letter? I really want to text her. But maybe Im thinking this because I’m hurting right now
I’m going to wait till next week. I’m not emotionally stable at the moment to text her. After I will send the letter and I’ll text her. Then I’ll “bump” into her at the gym. This was my original plan and it’s better that I stick to it.
For the next few days I will prepare myself for both positive and negative outcomes.
But i don’t like this suspense though. I don’t have the best patience in the world so this is killing me but I have to manage to get through it. Because at the moment there is nothing I can do but to get it together and help my self. I have to do this for the sake of my mental health.
hey LA,
I know exactly how you feel but don’t worry,you will feel better soon.
Have you been checking her profile on social media?if yes,you are right you should stop that,cuz it really does stop you from improving.
I suggest you to continue NC for 2 more weeks and stop stalking her on social media.
check the checklist below and this is kevin’s advice.
Here’s a checklist for ending no contact.
-You followed the no contact rule for at least one month.
-You are no longer a mess as you were after the breakup.
-You have made a few positive changes in your life.
-You are absolutely sure that getting back with your ex is a good decision.
-You have gone on at least one date during no contact.
-You have accepted the breakup and you are OK with the fact that you may never get your ex back and this might never work for you.
-You have accepted the fact that even if you don’t get your ex back, you will be fine since there are endless opportunities in the world to find love and happiness.
If you don’t satisfy this after 30 days, continue no contact for another 30 days.
It all happened so fast. I’m stating of social media. I wasn’t stalking her but I stumbled on a picture her sister posted. But like I said I’m staying off that now. I know I have to be strong. I want to be able to tell her that if she decides to stay with this other person I’m ok with that and play it cool with out loosing it.
IA- I’m sorry you had to deal with that! Cutting out social media seems like a good idea as long as emotions are still running high sometimes. It definitely doesn’t help stability. I glad you chose to extend things a little longer, I’m sure that’ll really help you in the end!
I had a hard day yesterday. A good friend told me that he was crying on her shoulder about everything ending but that he kept saying that he made his decision and knows he has to stick with it… The information hurt so bad that I felt like I couldn’t breathe for a bit. The good person in me wants to reach out and tell him it’ll be ok but the rest of me sits here completely confused by that reaction, especially since I know he’s seeing someone else now. It’s been about a month since it ended and we haven’t actively spoken in over a week other than yesterday. I ended up having to tell him that I’m taking time away. No one has volunteered information about his reaction to that and I sincerely hope they don’t bring it up. I’m worried about being able to stay with NC like I’m planning but I know it’ll be the best thing for me.
Thank you. And yes I there’s no other choice. It’s all I can do for the moment. Also I know what you mean when you hear or stumble on information about your ex. Feels like your hart drops. I was so frustrated when I bumped into my ex and saw some pictures. But ultimately we owe it to our selves to get right back up. I don’t know about you but I have a tendency to over think things and start making assumptions that may or may not be true. When this happens its bad for my mental health. It keeps me from being happy again. I hope you find the strength to get back up from all this.
Also feels good to know someone is going through something similar as me. We’re not alone haha. Wish you the best, we can do this!
I over think things too and it’s one of my biggest problems in this situation right now! The whole concept of him saying he loves me but is afraid he’d make himself commit to my kids and I before he’s ready for it kind of makes my head spin a little. I keep thinking, “So slow down then, I don’t want that right now either, we were both so happy!”, but it doesn’t change things and then the circling starts up again. I’ve learned how to distract myself from it most of the time but it keeps popping up after hearing about him in tears over it last night. We’ll get through it though!
Somehow a week ago I thought to myself “F*ck it” and tried to keep focused about my life and my own improvement.
Now I’m not counting days anymore. I’m going to contact her whenever I feel happy and cofindent enough. Now, the fact that she’s dating someone else is really making me go distant, it makes it “easy”. In fact, It’s like a “training” just in case we don’t get back together, so I won’t feel bad in the worst case escenario. So now my thought is “Don’t expect anything and focus on yourself, fool”
I like your adittude. I’m in the same boat it was killing me at first but like you said. Use it to your advantage to become stronger and prepare yourself to move on. It’s her loss. I don’t know about your situation but I’m sure my ex is in a rebound situation. I’m getting more confident as the days pass recovering from all this drama. If this doesn’t workout I’ll be happy with someone else but unlike my ex I’ll wait for a little bit so that I know it’s not rebound and also Like how you said about just waiting till you’re ready to contact her. Whatever happens happens and move on. We can do this!
I ran into my exs mother today at panera… she is an amazing woman and i didnt want to be rude so i talked to her. Apparently my ex has talked about me to them. I guess it was about a current event topic that i commented on awhile ago. I hope so much that this is a good sign that there are really still feelings there.
I have blocked all social media all day and it’s going well. I’m always on my phone on these sites, it was hard at first but it’s doing me good. I feel great my confidence is coming back up I’m feeling great and it’s all becuase I’ve kept myself off of social media. There’s nothing I can do at the moment to stop my ex from seeing this other guy. So why hurt myself finding out everything that going on with them. I owe it to myself to make my self happy since no one else can. The day approaches when I deliver my letter. Getting ready for the day
Am I foolish to think that my ex has forgotten about me? We broke up 2 months ago and after that we talked for one month. So it’s officially been one month with no contact. She is talking to someone already and I feel like she’s moving on. It honestly doesn’t hurt me as much as it did at first. But just cerious if she forgot I exists or maybe doesn’t feel anything for me anymore…just a thought
No, it’s not foolish. You two went through a lot and it’s normal. But you really need to think about yourself and your improvement. Now think about this, How were you before you two date? I mean back in the day, did you care if she was talking with someone else? Were you confident enough back then? I made those same questions to myself and guess what… it helps me. You need to let go those negative feelings and let the things flow naturally. It takes time. But it’s worthy. You need to be trully happy.
Thanks for sharing open where you are all at. It is very encouraging.
I.A. - Kevin talks about how often we will start wondering if our Ex has forgotten about us and his answer is No. If you as a couple shared moments of bliss together for a period, then she will be thinking about you. It takes a lot longer then we think to move on. Outwardly she may appear to have forgotten about you and she may be chatting to other guys, but deep down there is still a piece of her heart that thinks about you.
Blocking social media was the best thing I did in helping improve myself. It took me a while and for a few weeks after I did that I was still getting urges every day to do a sneaky check to see what she was up too. I still get those urges but 9 times out 10 I can ignore it, every now and then I do succumb, but that is getting rarer and rarer now.
Ruben - Good on you man for not counting days, that’s a good place to be at especially as you know she is dating someone else. That’s something I haven’t had to deal with yet and I know that would be an incredible tough thing to cope with. AFAIK my ex after 3 months hasn’t been on a date but in saying that I haven’t had any contact with her. I have a friend who is still friends with my ex and he said he would let me know if he found out she was dating someone else. I not entirely sure how I will react when that happens. The more I focus on myself the easy it will be I think
Does anyone else get upset when all you hear everywhere else is “move on” because its not worth it. And that taking a break is code for i just dont want to man up and break up… or hes just stringing me arond. It hurts so much. Im already afraid of that and worried. Has anyone else had a break like this work ?
Hi Marie, (I came here by accident as I was checking my good friend Steve’s forum)
Anyway, yes people tend to have a lot of opinions about other relationships and situations so it’s up to you whether you want to listen or not. I’m not saying ignore their opinions because it might be valid but that depends on how well you know yourself, and how much life experience you have. The only way for you to know whether to move on or not is to follow Kevin’s plan and do NC. During NC think about your relationship with him and what went wrong and whether it’s all worth it for you. I read that you get along with him mum and that he was talking about you so that’s great! Follow the plan and you will reattract him if that’s what you want after NC. But for now concentrate on yourself and listen to your mind (first) then your heart. Good luck
