No Contact Annoymous - Share your struggles with keeping NC

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21

Day 25 of NC

There are days in which I feel go great without her on my mind and there are days where she’s everywhere I look and my brain begins to crazy. I’ve done the mistake of checking what she’s posted recently on snap chat. I didn’t think it would be bad since when I post something she looks at it too. So I checked it out and it was like my eye were being exposed to a kind of drug that you only take by seeing it. My eyes lit up and took everything in. Big mistake. I regret it. The thoughts, assumptions, and memories started to kick in shortly after. I need to recuperate. Get up, dust my self off, chin high and walk away from it. Im better than this. I’m a new person and when the time comes she’ll be able to see it if she wishs too.

22

Hi I.A
I would say yes give a small compliment on your letter as long as its nothing sexual. In the letter from Relationship Rewind, Ryan suggests you write some of the things that you liked about her and found attractive and show that you noticed things in her life that others don’t. Give them a taste of bliss but don’t go overboard.

I know the whole check out what is happening on profiles and it is like a drug that feels good at first, but in the end it doesn’t satisfy and leaves you feeling more hurt and lost. I have to remind myself that people only share the goods things in their life on Facebook etc and so it can be very fake as you are not getting the full picture of what’s going on

Day 29 of NC - For myself. Today is 3 months since my Ex broke up with me. have been surprising good and stable today. Did a bunch of stuff around the house to keep myself busy and went to the movies in the evening and it worked. I feel good today.

23

Steve,

Thank you, that is very true and I’ll have to remind myself that from now on if I ever stumble on her posts. I’ve decided on to you her up anymore. I will also be include including that in my letter. Glad to hear you’re holding up strong. Productive days are the best to get your mind off things such as your ex.

Good luck to you

24

Guys,

Yesterday, I was on a trip. Thinking on what my ex might be doing now chased me like a shadow. After the trip I went to a friends house to drink some beer. I ended up sleeping there till 4 a.m. Meanwhile, its also been about 2 weeks since my ex and I exchanged our last emails. I used to think that my ex’s best friend does not like me. I posted a short comment on one of her posts on Facebook right after emails. To my surprise, she “liked” the short comment.

Today when I came home, at 4 a.m., I checked Facebook. My ex’s best friend posted an album on the wedding that they attended 20 days ago. It was a bit of surprise to me for some reasons. First of all, my ex was present in every picture. It looked like as if it was my ex who had made the album. Secondly, this album is made 20 days after the wedding. I started making assumptions in my mind (which ideally, I should not do).

My assumption was that it was a kind of, “remember her” since my ex and I did not contact again after 2 weeks! I think they are working/planning together. My ex did not reply to my last email probably to check the begging/needy/clingy part of my personality that had developed in the last days of our relationship. This assumption is by far too positive and self-destructive if it’s false. So I wrote it here to get it out of my mind.

Side note: My ex seemed to have gained a lot of weight in those pictures and sympathizing part of my personality says that she had rough days lately.

I feel bad checking Facebook now. I don’t want to think about her. Plus, I want to “accidentally” bump into her instead of contacting her.

25

By the way, my ex said that I force her. In fact, our conversations were like this:
Me: Which movie do you want to see, X or Y?
She: No sure, maybe X but not sure.
Me: If not sure, I like Y more. Lets watch Y.
She: ok

Later she said, you impose your opinion over mine and never listen to me!

26

Oh oh! Wrong post! This is what happens when you open a lot of tabs! Sorry guys! :smiley:

27

Hey guys,
steve and dara you are being so nice to me :smiley: thank you so much guys xxx

steve,
You are doing great,its normal if you feel low sometimes focus on your life,get yourself busy and avoid any thought in your mind that might be negative.like i always say make positive changes in your life,as much as possible.the more the positive changes,the more you’ll impress her.

LA,
You are also experiencing a really normal thing.when ever you feel low,know that its normal and that you are doing the best thing to help yourself and focus on something interesting.stop negative thinking and don’t stalk her.i know you don’t stalk her but don’t check her pictures.i said this to many other friends that when i broke up with my ex,i stopped checking my Fb for a full month.
Upload photos that show you are having a great time in your life.
Post something about your goals in life,something she knows you always wanted to do.it would be really great if you really do something about it.thats really attractive.
Like you said,her photos or anything about her is like a drug.stop taking it for a little while.help yourself and let NC do its job the best way.

Dara,

I agree with you,her friend is trying to remind you of her.and i’m sure she is surprised how strong you have become.and she has absolutely felt the positive changes in you.

Good luck everyone and i’m really happy to have you guys here.it really does feel like a family.

28

And steve,i posted an update from my situation in title of a.z’s final episode so i’ll post it here.

So previously on me :D….,about 12 days ago,he asked me to give him a chance to see me cuz it was hard for him to cut everything all of a sudden.and i was sure it was nothing about getting back together.
I’v been thinking and after this whole time,i think i really couldn’t meet him just to say goodbye.he had 5 months to think about it and he really doesn’t want me back so i texted him and asked how he was doing.
He replied like he was really happy that i texted him and asked me how i was?
I said: i’m fine and that i’m sorry but i need to move on so i’m blocking you and everyone around you on fb ,so non of us will see or hear anything about each other.

He said:Ok baby,i really wish u all the best and i always want you to be happy from the deepest part of my heart.

I said:wish you the same as well.always be the same person you were in our relationship.i’m gonna miss you but there is no other way.i’m sorry i broke the deal,the meeting could keep me from moving on for awhile.

He said:i forgot to say,i think i’m moving to another country by the next few months.

He used to say if we move somewhere out of the states,far from his family.we could get married.and the day we were breaking up,he cried and said:getting married is the only way we can be with each other but its not possible now and here.get your degree and go to another country,i promise i will fix my life and i’ll be there to start a new life with you.

I don’t know if he said that because he wanted to remind me of his promises or he just wanted to tell me about his future plans.and i’m not focusing on his words.i’m starting NC indefinitely and i don’t care if he has moved on or he is moving on or whatever.i’m focusing on my life and i’m really moving on.
Thank you guys for helping and supporting me through all my painful moments.i don’t really know how i could ever thank you enough.

Kevin,
Your plan,your words,your emails…,you made me a stronger person.i really wish i could do something for you in return.i have learned a lot.and i’m sure i’m gonna be successful in my next relationship.i even see this situation as a success.5 months ago,i couldn’t even imagine losing him forever and now,i could cut it myself.i really appreciate everything you did to help me and everyone here.Thank you very much kevin.

I’m gonna be here to help others as much as i can.i can live without my ex but i guess i can’t live without this website LOL

Thank you everyone

And then again a few hours later

He texted me and said he hates my future boyfriend,fiance and my husband out of nowhere :open_mouth:
I didn’t say anything and again
He said: i feel really bad and the breakup affected me so bad and if i start a new relationship ever again,i won’t do anything to hurt her like i did to you.get on with your life and never think about a future with me.everything is torturing me.i’m sorry i love you:********************

I felt rejected for a few minutes but now i’m really fine.i don’t care what he says or what he thinks.and i feel really relaxed without him in my life.

29

Hey guys!
I’m loving the fact that people here actually talk to each other about all of this! It’s a relief to have people around who get it.

Back ground posts on me: He says he realized he loves me but isn’t ready to commit. I never asked him to commit at all but he says that he would and isn’t ready, but maybe if our lives change he can in the future. I have kids but he always told me it wasn’t a problem until he realized he wanted to tell me he was in love with me. We’re both in our early 20s and dated for about 6 months. Is it even worth trying or hoping? I’m not sure how to handle it. I think he’s afraid he’ll feel held back from living his life even though I’m not asking for that type of commitment at this point. Being afraid of kids is a big thing… They aren’t going anywhere so I’m wondering if it’s worth it to even think about trying anything after NC. His birthday is coming up soon and I’m already tempted to message him on the big day. I had plans for that day while we were still together. I keep reminding myself of the cons involved, how he said he wasn’t ready to commit to a woman with kids even though he loves me. I was forced to see him and things were friendly until we slipped into old happy patterns of behavior. We both became a little emotional and then he left. This whole situation has my head turning still! I really don’t want to breakdown, I know I’ll have to restart NC if I do.

a.z
I am dealing with someone who couldn’t seem to stop himself from saying he cares even though he wants it cut off too! It’s so hard to deal with, it makes everything confusing. I’m glad to hear that you’re feeling that strong with yourself though! Keep your head up, that last bit almost sounds like he might message again with how confused he is.

Dara LA Steve
I’m giving up on social media. I’ve deleted everything I can as far messages but I can’t stop myself from looking at profiles or hoping something from him will pop up! It’s too easy to just jump over and check his page and then all the memories come back and I start wondering how he can seem that happy and did he even care?

Dara
That does seem like the friend is trying to draw your attention to her! The example of conversation that you gave didn’t seem like you were forcing anything to me.

30

Hey guys! First time to visit the boards. Ive been very busy lately. But posted in the comment section yesterday. BTW!
What happenes here? Why is everyone moving on al of a sudden? Have i been away that long lol? At first it was only me ans Dara. Now i heard az and Raed are moving on too?
And Dara whats with the struggle? I thought you were doing great. Im bot aware that you still think of her at times. I missed you guys! I saw that they also call us the “old” group now. LOL.

31

Hahah yeah they call us the old community.
Daniel its good to see you hear,hope you are doing fine buddy.

32

Daniel, a.z.,

Its been a while that I haven’t read posts. I just stick to a few ones. Anyway, they will also become old guys! LOL

a.z., Loraina,

Her best friend is really a nice girl. Maybe she is not aware of the mind games that my ex plays. Previously, she posted an album about her pets and my ex girlfriend was in it patting the pets. ha ha ha… It been too fishy lately. Before we broke up, once she posted a picture on my ex’s wall saying, “Keep calm and love”. The next time I met my ex she criticized me on talking about our relationship problems to her friends.I told her that I did not talk about it to anyone. In fact, except two of them, I never talked about my problems to my own friends.

Daniel,

I am doing great! Believe me! Sometimes her memories haunt me, but its depth is nothing compared to early days. For that trip, I had to sit 5-6 hours beside the window and look at the road. I started thinking about the past. BTW, I haven’t heard anything from RAED. Maybe I should check the threads! LOL How are you doing by the way? Be ready to hear that Edward is also moving on! ha ha ha… Welcome back! :smiley:

a.z., Loraina,

I posted that comment by mistake here. However, it that was our usual conversation, lately. Eventually she would conclude that I force her doing things and I am really mean! I would naturally start apologizing to her. I think it was a part of her mind games so that I would submit to apologize to her for nothing really big.I am moving on because I can’t imagine living with someone like her for ever. So why should I waste her time? Maybe she can find someone who would understand her words.

Loraina,

I can understand him. Some guys are afraid for serious life. Marrying someone (is assumed to be) a step for a boy to become a man. Having a child will make this step a bit higher. Not everyone boy will take that challenge. Yet, maybe he is really a nice guy (I don’t conclude on it). I simply say that even though he cares about you and you really don’t expect commitment from him but he expects that commitment in himself and his expectations from himself makes him uncomfortable in that relationship. My suggestion is to move on. He has a personal problem which requires at least a couple of years to dealt with. If he contacts you and tell you that he is ready for the commitment, then he is okay.

However, we the community of “old guys” on this site welcome you to express your feelings/thoughts.

Everyone,

Best of luck!

33

Az,
Im happy for you. You dont deserve an undecided and confused man. It will not serve you greatly. :slight_smile:

Dara,
See the thread for RAED. Been smooth sailing in moving on so far. She stil haunts me. Especially if i think about sex its still her body and touch that i remember. Memories are hard to forget. The trick is whenever you remember them the pain should be gone or reduced day by day. So thats what im doing. Overall, i cant get her back though shes not rude to me. But its okay somethings are really not meant to be.

I guess our group failed the whole getting the ex back thing eh? But all i want is for us to find happiness. Hahaha!

34

Dara,
It feels great when you say you can’t imagine living with someone like her forever.it shows that you are really doing great and i’m really happy about it.
btw,i kinda think edward will get her back :smiley:

Lorina,
I agree with what dara said about your ex.but i’m not suggesting you to move on right now.i mean give it some time and during this time focus on your life and do something that makes you happy,get yourself busy and focus on your life.i believe he loves you and i do believe that this is a serious issue and he really needs to think about it deeply.nothing is impossible so be patient,follow your plan and give him some time to think about it.
Wish you all the best

35

a.z.,

I admire some people doing mind games. It shows that they are somewhat capable of thinking out of the box but someone doing it for free is a bit dangerous. I know that mind games are a part of her personality.

Even though I don’t easily tend to think about marrying someone but when it comes to a long-term relationship, one has to consider it, especially at my age. Eventually, I can’t see my future life partner playing mind games with my mother, my brothers, my sister and my friends. I may tolerate her and learn how to counteract her games but it will put others in pain. I could see how she was mean with her roommate. I always felt sorry for her roommate.

Well, what can I do? There were times when she made me feel good and those memories haunt me sometimes!

Daniel,

I think a.z. has great chances but she doesn’t want it. I don’t call it failure! Edward already has her! Steve need a bit more time. I believe he has good chances. His ex is not dating anyone and she’s simply lost in working hard!

Really can’t rate life as success or failure. Sometimes, changes are what we need. I am glad that you are also doing great! Keep it up dude!

Best of luck everyone!

36

Thanks for the replies guys. I know that with a reason like being afraid of kids that I don’t have much chance of getting him to come back unless he calms himself down and changes his mind(which I don’t think will happen any time soon). I wouldn’t want to force it anyway, it’s just hard to deal with when I have the I care so deeply parts sounding off against the but I can’t be with you. I’m moving forward with my life and trying not to pay attention to what he does in his. I haven’t unfriended him from anything but his posts are blocked so that I don’t have to look if I want to scroll through updates. I’m hoping that the worthless feeling from having someone run instead of trying starts to fade soon… I know he wants to stay in contact but I can’t right now, not if we slip back into painfully cute behaviors around each other.

37

Daniel,
You are right,he made me do this cuz i was really sick of his mind games and his always confused personality.

Dara,
I really didn’t have a chance.how much more obvious could he tell me that he doesn’t want me back as a girlfriend? like telling my friend that he doesn’t want to get back with me,don’t think about a future with me,i love you but we can’t be together because … ,i can’t handle losing you all of a sudden and then accepting it right after i said that,everything is torturing me i’m sorry i love you,get on with your life and hundred ones like these. how many more should i mention :smiley: ?
He knows i still love him and he was using it toward me.and i hate it.he can’t imagine and accept how things have changed and that he really lost me forever.
And i’m sure he doesn’t care that much.he really didn’t want me as his girlfriend.

Loriana,

I know its tough,but i’m sure you can handle this.you made the right decision and you are handling it well.i’m sure you are gonna be fine.and everything will be really better soon.

38

Guys “old group” I need help!

I’m only 3 days away from ending NC. And the worse thing happened! I ran into her. We go to the same gym. She always goes around 5 leaves at 6:30 I get there 6:45 to avoid her. Always works. This time I got there and saw she was there didn’t bother me. But then I notice she was there with someone else. It was the guy she was talking to right before we broke up. Actually he was the reason why I stopped trying to work things out. So I saw her with him. I don’t think they workout together very often. She stayed past 7 and she never does that. They finally left. I left about 20m later. Walking to the car I see her talking to him in the parking lot. I dated her so I know her behavior. From my knowledge they must be talking. She was talking to him like a friend witch is means he’s either a friend or they are talking. They weren’t too touchy either. I saw him try to hug her twice. She never hugged him back. She just took the hug as they were walking.
When they left it didn’t seem like much of a good bye. From my view. I was a bit far away but at least that’s what I feel like I saw.
I think they are talking becuase she was acting like that with me when we first started talking. She never post pictures of him either. Same thing with us when we first started talking. But at least in our situation we work together so no one could know we were talking. With him I don’t know maybe she has posted pictures of him becuase my friends and family as friends with her on fb and IG
To be honest I did hurt me a little but I bounced back. I actually feel like if I play the cards right I can win her. Here’s why. She told me when we were together that she did think he was cute. He just had a good personality. (They have little bit of history) I saw him and he’s not a good looking guy! (Point for me) he also isn’t in the best fit. I myself and always active. Not buff but I’m a slender fit guy. She would also always tell me she though I was cute. Liked my height and she would also tell me she was scared she’d never find a guy like me. Kinda dumb becuase she gave up on us. But…
I know I can win her but I just need to play the right cards. I need advice on what to do! NC is almost over. Please help.
I’m and feeling good and confident btw.

39

*she didn’t think this guy was very cute
*she was my family and friends maybe that’s why she doesn’t post pictures

40

My plan after NC was to send her the letter. Then “run into her at the gym” have a nice friendly conversation and text her after that. Eventually ask her if she’d like to go out sometime as friends…and then so on and so on

I feel like this changes things since I was planning on contacting her this week. Please help