Last time it helped me to write everything done I hope this time it will too. I met my boyfriend last September we had a blind date but back then we did not live in the same country so it seemed it will be just a one time thing. But I got a job in the same country and city so we started to talk and in December he flew over to me and we spent a weekend together. Then in end of December I moved to the same city and we started to be official, he told me that for 6 years he had a serious depression but the last year he asked for therapy and with some medication he is putting himself back together. We are the same age but I was working and he was finishing university. But we fell in love really hard, we spent a lot of lot of time together as I just moved I have not really had any friends yet and I made the mistake that I focused solely on our relationship which was a little too much I felt too but he was okey with that because of the love and every good thing. My parents came to visit he met them then I met his family everyone liked me and I liked them too. Then in April we visited for the holidays my family and we spent a nice week together he met my friends and he was very happy he told me many many times. The day I came back ( he flew back 1 day before me) and on the way back from the airport he started to telling me that he has been thinking and we should break up, I was extremely stunned as we just had an amazing time together on holidays he told me several times how much he loves me and how happy he is. So I just could not believe that he would throw it away when he clearly loves me. We started to talk in the car and after an hour crying the both of us he told me that no no no we will work on this because it was a little too much for him that I was a lot at his place and I was just too much with everything ( i dont wanna make any excuse for myself but I was soo overwhelmed with the move and apartment hunt and everything) but I agree with him that I went overboard but still he has not tell me anything about how he feels or he has any problems.
So we began with the new start as we have not broke up just talked about the issue, and the deal was that I will dial back and he will communicate. I worked on it and he made me feel sure that I feel it that he is honest and when I ask him if it is okey that we spend 2 nights together in a row that is good. After a few weeks we were all good and left that ugly thing behind us and we were really happy he wanted to spend more time and told me that he is in love we spent a lot of time with his family for him they are the number one priority. We planned the summer and everything was just really good.
Then last week we spent a little more time together but he told me that it is okey and even he told me that he cleaned one drawer for me at his place and he wants me to put all my stuff there. We planned the weekend as we had a long weekend, he had one night with his friends and I left him I did not write him or anything as we discussed that we meet the next day, then he did not even call me or wrote me the next day until late evening when I have already knew that something is up. So he broke up with me 24 hours after he gave me a drawer at his place, by saying that he needs to find out if he loves me or he loves the things that we do together and he needs to decide that is all. I asked him if there is someone else but sad no one, because that reason is really nothing. He also said that he does not want to talk about this until he changes his mind, he was crying and shaking did not wanna touch me felt like he is about to change his mind or that something he does not want 100% so I left with my stuff and I have not contacted him at all. Then 5 days later he wrote me saying that he did something for me that I asked a few weeks ago and that he still have some of my stuff that he could bring by at one point. Then I told him that it is really hard for me to see him as I miss him a lot and I still love him so throw them away if it bothers him. Then just wrote that he is not in a hurry for his stuff ( i forget that he borrow me an air mattress) so I got really angry and upset and wrote him that I cant believe that he actually sticking with this after everything and that I will prepare his stuff and he can pick it up whenever. No answer and I have not wrote him either, I am so confused it has been a week and keep playing everything in my head and his actions are not really in line with what he said, he was not acting when we were together and he was really happy even his family told me. So I am really really confused. Sorry that it was too long but at least I feel better just giving it out.
Take some time off and grieve. Something bad is happening between you two and you don’t know what. It’s the worst feeling, it’s going to hurt and you are going to feel a lot of emotions.
But you need to let it all out, calm down, be alone for some time and when you’ll be able to think rationally, you should analize your relationship and find out what caused the breakup. This is the key to making things clear and maybe to reconciliation. Ask yourself why did he broke up with you? What made him make such decision? What was wrong in your relationship? I am not sure, but I’m guessing that weak connection might have been an issue in your case. Maybe things have been moving to quickly for him?
You need to create your own theory on what caused the breakup, you know the best what was happening between both of you. After regaining composure I advise you to meet with him or maybe give him a phonecall and have a calm, honest conversation about the future. Listen what he has to say and discuss what would be the best solution to your problem.
He also needs some time off to calm down and think on what has been happening lately and why.
Remember to make things clear - either you are broken up or you are together. Do not let him make you his safety net.
How old are you? How long have you been together?
You were with a different guy in 2017 who took advantage of you by living with you and you paid for everything as he had trouble finding a job.
This guy dumped you twice already. It sounds to me like you were “smothering” both of them by acting clingy and needy. Please think about why you behaved like that and what you can do to change the way you interact with men.
Try to stop obsessing about him. Don’t contact him! He sounds as confused as you are. Unless he says he wants to make amends, you are wasting your time.
i think the moving fast is really confused and scared him. I am trying to see rationally and beiging honest with myself it just really makes me sad as we are really happy. But still he wanted to break up. I am not contacting him at all and i try to allow myself time to griev it is just really nonsense. We are 31 both of us. He is really introverted and likes to be alone and in himself. But after everything i think i would have deserved a decent explanation but he kept saying he needs time to realize if it is me he loves or the things we do and that his sister and husband also broke up and took some time apart and now how happy they are! I am not hoping for reconciliation and i know it is over just wanted to share my story.
@patricia12 I understand that you need to be honest and want to tell me what you think but then i tell you in return that you are pretty harsh. I am not obsessing I was just “dumped “ as you have put it. So it is natural that i am upset and i was needy at some time as i said i am honest with myself but smothering is way harsh. I asked him always if he is okey with the time we spend and he said yes and he loves me and he loves our time together. And just bringing up my past like that is not really nice also. And for FYI he still contacts me and wants me back after two year even that i moved but that is the past i changed and i am not here for being told how awful i am just sharing in a safe place! Thank you for both
I’m sorry I offended you. Dumped is another word for breaking up, but not harsh. I just gave my opinion about the matter according to what I interpreted from your posts. When you ask men if it’s okay to spend extra time with them, most of them will say it’s okay because they don’t want to hurt your feelings. I’m sure he loves you and your time together.
He told you he doesn’t want to talk about the breakup, so respect his wishes and continue no contact. When he gets in touch with you, listen to what he has to say, but don’t get angry no matter what… Try and have a calm discussion.
Take care and I wish you the best whatever happens.
Thank you for your answer.
Well i need to figure out what i have been been doing wrong as i was in it too.
I can be pretty desperate because of my insecurities i need to work on that actively.
I know and accepted that he will not be back with the intentions to get me back! I am not angry rather sad and dissapointed because it was a relationship with love amd fun and care but that is life sometimes we do not know tge reason why things happen and i need to accept that.