Need Some advice really dont know what to do

no-contact-rule
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Hi,

So we broke up on October 15th and we argued for couple of days and then i started No contact but wasn’t able to do it completely. we go to same school and have same class, so she sometimes text me or talk to me but i did my best to kept my distance and giver her space.

We have a exam on Thursday and i made the review and send it her, i know i shouldn’t have but i just couldn’t not send her. I want her to do good in school and just cannot not send it. Whenever i send it she texted me saying thank you for the review, i created one too. I don’t want you to think that i am just waiting on you to give me everything and i said i never thought that, i know you’re and said you’re welcome. we had few text back and forth after that and it stoped. This was around 11.00am, last night i couldn’t sleep properly so i didn’t go to school to attend two classes in the morning, she also didn’t go to the first one but went to the second one. I have a class at 7pm which i went but she didn’t came to that class, i knew she came to school but why wouldn’t she come to class, i was so worried and wanted to talk to her but i know i shouldn’t and i didn’t later i found she left with her new friends and spend all day with him.

Out of blue she called like an half and hour ago, she was going home and called me. she is spending all day with her new friend, the guy i hate. she knows i hate that guy but still told me that she was in school for little bit and was hanging out with that guy, i am not worried about her having any kind of relationship or feelings for that dude and he even have a girlfriend but it kinda makes you jealous. I wanted to ask her where did she go but i didn’t.

During the conversation i said two stupid things that i shouldn’t have. we both agreed the situation hurts, i told her i don’t know how to deal with it. She even said i don’t know if i should talk to you or not it just gonna make it harder if we talk but then i said stupid thing by saying it is your decision, you know i will love to talk but i will respect your decision and she said it is not that easy and i agreed.

I even her is there anything she wants me to do to make it easier on her and she said no, she asked me the same thing and oh god i wanted to say that i need you, you’re the only one who can make it better but i said Idk and she was like no there is nothing, the second stupid thing i said her is i told her i really miss her a lot i know i shouldn’t have but i do miss her so much that i just couldn’t keep it to myself. she replied saying i miss you as person but i am sorry i don’t miss the relationship which i kinda knew because if she had been missing the relationship she will try to work out too but it hurt so much to hear that from her. It just broke my heart. It is one of the worst feeling to know that the person you love the most don’t remember about the relationship that we had.

So i am lost i don’t now whats going on, I’ve never been in a situation where after the break up i wanted my ex back so much. I mostly had a mutual break up and couple of times i got dumped but i never felt like this before. when ever i went through the break up i was like it meant to happen and it did, we tried didn’t work so now move on.

But its is so different with her. My god its different, i wanna marry this girl and she knows i do, i love her so much but because of our differences and issuse we are at this situation, and don’t know what to do, have i lost her. Is she gone, do you guys think there is still a hope and is it a good sign that she actually called me even though she don’t miss the relationship and still cares about me(she told me i need to start eating because i look skinny, which is kinda true i lost my appetite and nothing taste good).

I really don’t know what to do, i want to win her back but i don’t know how i can do that, what i have to do . I have made some changes in my life which she knows and is proud and happy for me, I am giving her space and its hard to do that but i am doing as much as i can. I will give her space and time for her hoping that it will change her heart and start missing our relationship but my biggest problem with that right now and the only thing i think about is we are so close to graduate we only have this month left for our regular class and after that its all exam and we will graduate and i feel like once the school is over she will not talk to me or will be easy for her to get over me. I really need help, i am doing the best i can in school and life in general but inside i am scared that there is only few days left before school is over and after that she will be gone. I was gonna ask her for dinner next week but i will just keep that to myself now :frowning:

Thank you for reading and i really appreciate all the help and advice.
Pedro

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And also whenever we were in a relationship she always wanted to go home before 9, she stays with her mom because her mom is having some issues and she need her which i always respected and was really happy that she was so caring and loving but nowadays she don’t go to home till 12ish, i know this because the last couple of times when she called me it was around that time and she will tell me she is going home. She is changed, she told she is just keeping herself busy, focusing on school and busy with her work and i find it hard to believe because she didnt do the assignment for the ones i didnt send her, well i didnt send her because i was still working on fixing mine and by the time i fixed it, it was around 11;30pm and it was due at midnight but i dont understand because the guy she hangs out all the time is really good in that class. If she’s keeping her mind busy and focusing on school why wouldn’t she work with him for the assignment.

I feel like she is just spending all the time with her new friends but it makes me worried if she’s just trying to keep her mind busy or is she just making an excuse to stay late. I know i am overthinking but when you’re hurt i guess you tend to overthink everything. I just love this person so much and hate to see what she’s doing. Wish i knew how to cope with all the situation.

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@Pedro
I know you’re concerned about her assignments, but she needs to learn to do things on her own and manage her time in order to complete assignments and study for exams. The things that makes you appear as needy is that you continue to tell her the same things over and over; miss you; love to talk to you etc… She already knows that plus she knows you want to get back together. If you keep talking about a relationship, you will push her further and further away. If you’re going to ask to see her this weekend or the following weekend, do it, but DO NOT act needy!!! Just go and have a nice time and have fun. Or you could ask her out just before or after graduation to celebrate. Remember, it’s only been less than a month since the break up and you’re putting too much pressure on her. Glad you didn’t ask where she was going as that would make you appear like a jealous needy person.

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@patricia thank you, I really appreciate your help. You’ve helped and guide me so many times.

Regarding homework I know I shouldn’t be sending it to her but then again i know she haven’t done it and it makes me feel really bad. We have a next assignment due in couple of days I will do all my best not to send her until she askes me. Which is most likely not gonna happen.

Yeah I did make a big mistake by telling her that I miss her and love to talk to her. Like you said she already know it.

I was thinking maybe I will give her some more time and space, I will try to keep myself busy and hidden for her at least this week and maybe couple of days from next week. I think she never had enough time or space away from me. She sees me at least 4 days a week and I think because of that she’s not curious or excited about seeing me anymore.

Patricia do you think it will be a good idea for me to change the seat from I use to sit in class. Nowadays I usually sit couple of row infront of her but I was thinking maybe I will go back couple of rows , at least that way she don’t have to see me while looking at the board. Will that make it more awakard and is it a bad thing to do.

Thank You again for all your help.

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@Pedro Moving your seat will look strange and she might wonder why you did it. It will only makes the situation more awkward. Just be yourself and focus on your classes. You’re really on pretty good terms, so just go slowly.

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@Patricia12 thank you again for your email but i sat in a different seat today. The situation kinda made me sit in a different place. The usual place where i sit was taken by someone else and the only place left to sit was directly in front of her and i couldn’t do that so i just went couple of rows back from where i use to sit.

I have a dilemma though, she asked me for space and time which i respected and gave it to her. Now she sometimes text me or call me, but when we see each other in class she acts like she don’t even know me. Today in class we cross our path and she didn’t even look at me, the other day we had a exam and whenever i got out she was out with her friend and was waiting for another friend we made a eye contact and started few conversation about how we all did and what we thought of exam. After her another friend came we talked briefly for another 2-3 minutes and they all left. she never even looked at me or said bye, she just got up and left which hurt, it hurt so bad.

And regarding text and call when i try to talk to her make a conversation she acts like she don’t want to talk. I texted her once couple of days ago, i started the conversation which i know i should’ve never done it. But i thought she is talking to me here and there so maybe she expects me to send her message sometime but when i do she gives me attitude. I stopped saying that i am happy to talk to you or i love talking and stuff like that. I don’t want her to think she can just call me or text me whenever she wants and when she is done its done and I’ve to wait again for her to text.

So now i don’t know what to do, i kinda want to ask her. I wanna ask her that does she see any possibility of us getting together again or does she not. I wanna tell her that i am not expecting us to jump right in the relationship or be like we were before and also i want to tell her that she don’t have to tell me right away i want her to think about it take her time and let me know but i wanna know if there is any chance.

There is no way i can just be friends with her, i have lot of emotions with her that i will never be able to be friends with her.

I am moving too fast, i know that is like a deal breaker and i don’t even know if i am ready to ask it or have the courage. Honestly i am scared to know the answer, right now i feel like there is a high chance of her saying no and i am not ready to deal with that but at the same time when she calls me and text me i always get hope and which kinda sucks(sorry). I want our relationship to work and want to work on our issues but at the same time if she really moved on and don’t think have any faith of us getting back together then its like one way which will never going to work.

So what do you think, i need your help. I don’t know i shouldn’t and kinda do feel like that will push her away but also at the same time i am just waiting and its not the good feeling.

Thank You again Patricia, you have help me a lot and i truly appreciate your suggestion and help.

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@Pedro Yeah, she seems to want some space. DO NOT ask her about the possibility of getting back together or ask her to think about it. It’s ONLY been less than a month since the break up! You will for sure push her away if you ask those questions. Don’t send any texts or call her, but if she contacts you first, keep the conversation VERY short! Maybe tell her you have to study or something. I can tell you’re no where near strong enough to ask her to a dinner. Maybe wait until after graduation to celebrate. I know this is tough, but if you stop obsessing, it will be easier…

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@patricia thank you again. I just don’t understand why will she ignore me when she sees me in school and then call me whenever she’s driving home like we used too.She called me yesterday and today, it was brief but she did. Yesterday she called to check on me and today she called to ask how I did the exam and what I got.

I don’t hate her calling me but every time she does I feel like maybe she misses me and just wanna talk to me but that guess thing is killing me. I just feel like it’s unfair from her that she can call me or text me when she likes but I can’t do the same. I do want to confront her about this but I won’t, I know it will make a situation far more worse than what it is already but I wanna ask her that so much.

What do you think about her calling me and texting me sometimes. I can’t understand why she does that,she ask for space and then call me when she likes. I can’t understand why. Thank You so much for all your help and guidance.

Pedro

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@Pedro I don’t think she totally ignores you at school. She talked with you in a group today. When you see her in class if you just say hi I’m sure she will say hi back to you. Yes, I think she misses you, but not enough to get back together right now. Maybe it will take some time… Hang in there and be patient.

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Thanks again