Hi so me and my ex broke up exactly 4 weeks ago. We were together for a year and a half and lived together at uni for 9 months unfortunately during this time I got controlling and towards the end we ended up arguing over small things almost every day. He’d try and stop the argument and I’d drag it on. He was such a good boyfriend and never tried to intentionally hurt me but I took him for granted. We had a very strong love for each other and were each other’s best friends. I’d always be there when he needed me and vice versa. 2 weeks before we broke up he started getting cold feet and saying that he was fed up of arguing and he felt like he deserves better. During arguments I would also toy around with the idea of break ups but weve never gone a single day without speaking we were always together. He started getting fed up. Seeing me less and less seeing his friends more and I unfortunately begged and cried for him to stay but for those two weeks. It seemed so sudden as before he was writing me love letters and good night paragraphs on how much he can’t wait to spend his life with me. He gave me a lot of love through our relationship and was a dream bf I just have silly issues that I blew up and was insecure. With time and space I’ve finally come to terms with my childish toxic behaviour and I know that I’ve grown up and what to do. So we broke up officially 4 weeks ago and unintentionally I did NC as I thought he needed space. In this time he removed all pics of us and stopped sharing his location with me. He’s also told all his friends I hurt him too much emotionally and he’s never coming back to me and he wishes me happiness with someone else. We blocked each other on WhatsApp after the break up and that was our main communication so after 25 days No Contact I messaged him on Snapchat just saying sorry for how the breakup went down and that space has helped me realise he did deserve to be treated better and that I hope we can talk about this all. It’s been 3 days since I sent the message and he hasn’t even opened it yet. A mistake I’ve made is that his best friend (who is now my shoulder to cry on) has been gathering all my emotions and how I feel and has been directly telling him how I feel so he knows I’m broken and I’m not moving on. His friend is also showing me their conversations where my ex says he’s done with me and I’ve hurt him too much and that if I speak to him he won’t bother to entertain it. He seems so done with me but I truly believe this is something special and worth fighting for. I’m happy to be on my own but he makes me feel bright he brought out such a good side and he always pushed me to go further in life he would always be so proud of any achievement no matter how big or small. He is the man I want to be with forever. We had a marriage plan set too and spoke about everything in the future. We were very serious. I just can’t belive we haven’t gone one day without speaking because he said I’m the centre of his world and all he needs is me and I’m his happiness and now he hasn’t spoken to me in 4 weeks and ignores my attempts to reach out. I asked him for a second chance and he said my behaviour has been like this for too long and he knows if he takes me back it will continue but he is wrong. How do I show this to him? How do I win him back when he won’t even talk to me? How is it so easy for him to move on and not even contact me once. Everyone always said they’ve never seen a guy more in love because he literally worshipped me so much. I feel the exact same about him and he knows how much I love him but I can’t help but think it wasn’t real if he can ditch me this easily. How do I get him back when he doesn’t even speak to me and tells everyone there’s no chance of us being together again? Sorry for the super long post but any advice would be greatly appreciated !
Stop whining and venting to his best friend!
Your ex hoped you would change, but you didn’t so he finally realized you’re not good for him. He avoids you because he doesn’t want to get caught up in the toxic melodrama again. He said there’s no chance to be together again and you need to accept that fact. He doesn’t want contact with you and you need to accept that fact too…
The only thing you can do is work on your insecurities and smothering behaviors. No guy wants a clingy girl around him as it’s so aggravating. Get therapy if you can’t control your behaviors or need help coping with the breakup. A therapist could give you good insights for the reasons you are a clingy type person. Someday your ex might contact you after you’ve improved, but for now, work to improve your issues and behavior. If you can’t reconcile with your ex, maybe someday you could be a good girlfriend to someone else.
Good luck.