Need Help. Do I reach out? She’s dating someone already.

no-contact-rule
1

This might be a double post, but I don’t see any of my other threads posting.

My ex and I were together for a year and a half. We met in the most random place, but in the most perfect place. After she broke up with me a little over a month ago now, Ashe texted my best friend saying she was struggling. But a week after the break up, I acted completely desperate trying to get her back. She took it the wrong way and her anxiety kicked in, making her feel that I might turn into a stalker or something. I understand that it was her reacting, and eventually it’ll pass once she’s out of that state, but I can’t help feeing that I want to apologize.

After that incident, I initiated no contact. It’s been over a month since then as well. She started dating someone else less than 2 weeks after the break up. They’re doing all the things we used to do, even going to the place we first met, and he’s staying over at her place. I know that I may not get her back, and half of me is happy if she’s found happiness. But I can’t shake this feeling where I keep thinking he’s going to be better than me. And that’s what hurts the most.

I keep thinking that he’s going to make her happier so she won’t miss me and won’t see more more than I was. She left me because I didn’t SHOW her how much I loved her. What if he’s doing that better? What if she won’t see me more than I was? That’s why I want to apologize to her. I want so desperately to tell her that even though she felt unloved, it wasn’t because I took her for granted, it was because I wasn’t the best at showing her.

I want her back as my girlfriend so badly, but we were best friends even before we started dating. And so much of me just wants to have my bestfriend back. I go in and out of feeling extremely confident in moving forward, but the fear of her resenting me because she won’t be able to miss me and look back at anything but the few fights because of this new relationship feels overwhelming sometimes.

It’s been over a month. I just want to be able to talk to her again. But I don’t know if it’s too early. Will she resent me if I try to reach out while she’s dating someone new? Does she not miss me anymore? She’s keeping everything on the down low, not being public with it at all. But I’m afraid of missing that window where she does start missing me.

2

Tough spot. One advise is to view yourself as ALPHA. There is no one better than you out there. You need to have this mindset. You can’t think what if he is better than me.

I would try to reach out as it’s been a month. Send her a short message apologizing for your behavior. Keep it very short. See what sort of response you get and take it from there.

3

I reached out very very briefly as a friend, but not to apologize. I reached out to let her know that, I found out something of hers broke, and I can get it at a good deal but only if she needed it. I said “discount available if you need it ??“ Though…this led to her blocking me from social media. I’m sure that may have come across as me trying to see her/win her back.

I have composed a message to send her

“Just wanted to send a text to let you know that I’ve finally come to terms with the break up. We definitely weren’t in the right place for each other. I realize now, I have to let you go for both of us to be happy. That was always the goal anyways.

I wanted to also let you know that I’m sorry about the way I acted after the break up too. I was totally trying to be John Cusack and just trying to apologize, not trying to win you back. You’re truly a dynamite gal (although too much of a worry wart at times ?) and deserve to be happy. I apologize that I hurt you by how I acted.

But! Some good news! Things are definitely looking up and I’ve been more excited than ever to move forward! A lot of good things ?

Love to fill you in…but in the future. You and I both need some space right now. But life’s too short not to have people who were best friends back in our lives. See ya sometime!”

Is this too much? Should I wait longer to send it?

This was honestly because I do need to let her go a little. I’m constantly being hurt when I think about her. I want to send something like this to her to let her know I’m not someone she needs to be anxious about. And to close the door a little on myself so that I can fully allow myself to be a “passive friend” because I do want her back in my life to any extent where she can trust me again. She’s always had a hard time giving trust and second chances again