Need another perspective? My ex still likes me?

[Me_Me]

Hello, does anyone use these forums? I would really appreciate some advice or any words from another POV.

Me and my ex are both fresh into adulthood and have been through severe breakup trauma. My ex has disorganized attachment style and I’m anxiously attached. Maybe you can about see where this is going.

We broke up not very long ago, and I would like to place a big emphasis on the fact that she’s said this is a break, and not a permanent breakup. She says we need space to grow and heal, and we won’t be able to grow in a relationship. Because neither of us want to not be together and she’s said she won’t feel comfortable seeing me with anyone else (and neither will I, on the opposite end). We’ve decided to keep this private as our relationship issues are our own, so she still has the day we got together and has my @ tagged in her social media bios, still says she loves me “the same”. The only thing that has changed is our personal relationship and how we talk to eachother, as I agreed to give her space (even if it pains me).

Another thing is, occasionally, I have bad mental health episodes and she still tries to calm me down during them, but tends to *avoid the topic of my feelings and our relationship* when I bring them up during those. Whether intentionally or not, I don’t know.

This sounds ridiculous, right? That’s hardly an ex, then. But I can’t help but feel insecure. I really need someone else to reaffirm me, even if it seems extremely obvious and I’m just struggling to believe, is it likely we’ll get back together? I’m so anxious and scared she’ll change her mind, even if typing it out now makes it seem unlikely. I really need advice from third parties, please tell me what you think.

I’m asking because I think my insecurity and constant budging and chasing might drive her further away instead of making it easier for us to get back together. I need to hear someone else’s thoughts to maybe calm my anxiety down and be able to give her the space she needs to get back together.

[Vic]

That must feel really confusing, I’m sorry you have to go through that. I’m gonna share with you what I would probably do in your situation.

I think for now there’s no reason to believe this is automatically a permanent breakup. But I would definitely listen to what she expects to gain from this break: growth and healing. If she will be the only one who has worked on herself during the break, by the time the break is over she might feel like she’s “outgrown” you. So if you want her back, I would recommend you use the time of your break to really work on yourself so that when she comes back you’ll wow her with the things you did to grow and heal as a person. I think going no/low contact (maybe the no initiate rule) will increase the effect and will give you both the room to focus on yourselves. I don’t mean that you shall ghost her, on the contrary, I would recommend you tell her you would like to reduce contact to each other for a while (like a month) so that you both can focus on yourselves. A man who says he wants to work on himself and actually follows through with it is usually pretty attractive to women.

If you feel like you’ve had some significant growth and that you resolved one or two of your personal issues, it’s safe to reach out to her again. I wish you all the best!