I was in a great and serious relationship almost two years ago with a girl I loved and we planned to marry. We were dating for 18 months.
I broke up with her because I had to move to Europe to start a masters degree. I really did not want her to continue worry about me for being on a long distance relationship. I understand that many will say that if you love someone you dont let her go, but my logic at that time was the opposite I loved her so much that I wanted to live a life without thinking or worrying about my safety all the time.
Three months after I broke up with her I contacted her then she told me she still loved me, but she did not want me to stay in the US only because of her and that she would not forget about me because she knew there was no one out there for her. I felt dissapointed, but after a while I understood that it wasn’t the best to restart a relationship knowing I was going abroad. We stay in contact for the next four months and she still told me she missed me. Our contact started fading away, but still we knew what we were up to until last summer. I moved from Europe to her city in the US for an internship with the hope we could reconnect. Unfortunately, this time she told me she did not feel ready to commit to a relationship at that moment and she wanted to only enjoy her life of her last year as a student. She told me she knew if she started something with me again she would definitely stayed with me, but she didn’t want that now. All of this happened last June so already six months have passed since then. Since then we did not have any contact. I deleted her from every social media and number, email everything. Until recently she contacted me to wish me a happy birthday which was surprising for me since she did not have to do that or had any obligation. Even though I know she could have remember and she did it to be nice it kind of confused me.
I moved on I dated other girls during all these two years we have been apart, but still they never fulfilled me as much as she did. I still have a lot of hope that one day we can be back together. I am also grateful for having say “no” for different reasons the past two times because it allowed me to mature. It took me a long time to forgive myself for leaving her in order to become better for her in the future. I never did it because I stopped loving her.
The thing is that for a weird reason I still believe I have chance because she always had a good reason not to be together at that time. Now I feel I can offer her a lot from what I was missing the last two times.
Her birthday is coming up and I want to contact her.
My question here is how should I approach her? Even I want to tell her all of this how I feel I think it might be too much for just a message that was only intended to wish her a happy birthday.
@mx10cx - Call her to say Happy Birthday. If you’re living close to each other now, ask to meet for coffee sometime and then have a heart to heart talk. She’s had 6 months to consider her feelings and it’s very possible that she would like to reconcile. Sounds like you’re both in love with each other:) Good luck.
@patricia12- Weirdly enough she just contacted me yesterday. It was really a big surprise because I have been thinking on her and out of the blue she just asked me What was my opinion about the situation in the US now? I mean it is a very general question she didnt ask me about me or anything, but the fact that she just wrote me about that made me think why now?
I texted her already with something funny and simple, a part of me wants to continue talking to her and at one point being able to talk about us, but I am afraid that this was not her point on starting a conversation.
I am in Europe right now studying with the possibility of moving anywhere next semester even the US, but this time I wouldn’t want to go there without at least knowing she wants to make it work again. I dont know if this is the right timing for that in her perspective. Let me know what you think.Thanks!
@mc10cx I just read this thread and another one you posted. This gives a clear picture so please excuse my response on the other thread you posted
I think @patricia12 pointed out correctly and it looks like both of you love each other
You’re lucky if you live close by! Coffee is great!
Stay in touch with her, keep the discussion light and may be get to know if she is dating anyone currently. If you’re on her social network am assuming it will be easier for you to figure out through mutual friends too.
If she isn’t then may be send her flowers on her bday if you cannot make it physically to her place. Get to know her favorite flowers!
>@amcee
I have been talking to her for the past few days. Only conversations about general things and I am just trying to be normal and funny. I still dont know if at one point I should ask her about her feelings now. I really dont want to ruin it and make her scared because I am bringing that up. So I am looking for a way to approach her.
I am in Europe at least for this semester. Of course if she were to tell me she wants to make it work I can easily go back to the USA, but I wouldnt want to leave everything here before being sure she would give it a try at least.
@mx10cx - Glad to hear your talking:) Contacting you was her way to reconnect and you talking together about general things over the past few days would be a fairly obvious sign to her that you’re enjoying the conversations and possibly thinking of reconciliation. Wondering if the next semester would start in the spring time? If so you have a little while to stay on good friendly terms, but you would need to let her know your feelings and ask her if she would consider getting back together if you go to the USA. But don’t do this ON her birthday. Do it before or after. When is her birthday? You would have to make plans to leave Europe, so you would have to know in advance if she thinks she would like to try again. Are you both originally from the US and plan to stay there? I’m in the USA and wonder if her question was about our recent Presidential election. It’s wild, there have been Trump protests in many cities for over a week now…
@mx10cx, I would suggest google some subtle flirting tricks via text, voice sms, skype, email, etc. If she responds, you have your answer about her feelings. It clearly looks like she likes you but girls need a little push to open up.
Get to know her likes, dislikes again and my suggestion is to build a small thoughtful gift out of it for her bday and get it delivered.
@patricia12 has pointed out correctly everything and one thing to keep in mind which she wrote is, get to know her feelings before or after the bday and not ON the bday!
You flirting gives her the hint you’re interested. She responding with same intensity gives you the sign that she too is interested.
Texts should eventually lead to voice calls, voice calls to video calling and then may be she’ll also be comfortable to openly discuss her feelings. Although I have seen people telling them over a text too. You know her better.
Flirt with her, make her feel wanted again, make her feel her decision to contact you was not bad, make her want you again!
@amcee @patricia12
I have been talking to her for the past few days. Her responses have been nice. I told her at one point that I was thinking about her the past few days. She just responded with an “Aww” haha and continued her conversation because I asked her how is everything going with her?
She told me she is busy with school and work. And she will visit her parents. And she asked how I am doing also.
Now I just continuing the conversations asking about her parents and will ask her about more things about her job and school later just to know more.I feel that even though I want to tell her more I cant I need to keep it as a normal conversation to make her feel comfortable and then I might start flirting with her. I just don’t know when and how to make her give me a sign that she still looks forward to see me at one point if I were to come back to the US. I really want to avoid sending her a big text about it only and scare her off too quickly and not have a chance when I come back. Any thoughts are appreciated!
Girls like attention from everyone and LOVE attention from someone they like!
You dont have to ask her point blank about her feelings. Just be cool about flirting and notice her responses in terms of how many times she responds, quality of responses, how many times she initiates, etc
Flirting does not need to be 24 x 7, you can do it in between lines while having normal conversations too. If you ONLY keep doing normal conversations doesnt mean no other guy is flirting with her.
