Ive been trying to get my ex to meet she seems to have her guard up. There is days that we talk or text and they are good, then it seems to me like maybe she stops herself from getting attached and will push back and is short, so I just stop contacting her and out of the blue she calls or texts again. Ive applied NC and trying to build that false friendship and I know she is someone that takes her time to let someone into her life, she is very private person. I feel like Ive made a lot of progress because I get her to now text and call me but I haven’t been able to get her to meet with me. Maybe its my fault because I always bring it up the day of, for ex. I might say lets grab a drink later and if she says maybe if i get done with this etc…I’m thinking I need to be more aggressive and follow through instead of expecting her to bring it back up?
Since Ive been shot down a few times and I guess you can say she has never said no but never comes through, should I wait a while for me to ask her to meet again? (Last Saturday was the day I asked her to meet)
Also when we talk it tends to be about the same stuff, I guess im afraid of breaking the boundaries of false friendship and I don’t want to scare her away and I tend to let her lead the conversation.
I feel when we talk on the phone I build up points but through text I feel like I shoot myself in the foot sometimes that’s why I try not to text her too much
Any suggestions or tips to get me over this hurdle
You need to find more topics to talk about. I think that may be a problem. Talk about exciting things going on in your life. If you are scared with the language you are using towards her, then she will sense it even with text messages. And that may be a reason why she doesn’t want to meet you right now. You need to dominate the conversation, not by strictly speaking about yourself mind you, but in general you should lead. Talk about yourself, ask her questions that you know she would be interested in answering it.
If you sound happy, and your text messages ooze with excitement then she will definitely bring up meeting with her. You also should make her curious about you. When you are texting her, you should end the conversation by saying you need to attend a meeting, go out drinking with friends or any thing that would lead her believe you have a life outside of talking to her.
Be independent, sound independent. I can’t stress enough how important that is. She needs to realize the time you are sparing for her is valuable. She needs to feel a little bit special. And only you way you accomplish that is by valuing yourself and your time.
Little by little her guard will go down. She will enjoy talking to you, look forward to your texts. And eventually meeting up will be a common thing.
Thanks, that was very helpful I think youre right. I know I kill myself with the texting sometimes because she will just stop replying. I need to start to plan out things I can talk about like you said to make my conversations oozing. I also need to take my time and analyze what I’m going to reply instead of just writing and sending messages. I also sometimes stay on the same subject too long and Ive been working on correcting that already.
I agree with you, I was never like that even the relationship and I’m not like that now. I play it cool with her and show her my confidence and even the times Ive asked her to meet with me I never bring it back up and act cool like nothing ever happened. I’m very laid back and she did tell me that once before when we were together that it was like I didn’t even care because im so laid back (dont know if it was a good thing or bad). I just got to give it time and be patient and allow her to open up more and more like you said. I can say Ive made more progress this week.
I do feel like she is coming around and she still has feelings for me, I can say Ive noticed little things about her that show me that, but like I said earlier I feel like she just has her guard up but there’s times I get the feeling lately like she is waiting for me to say something about us but I’m trying to feel her out more.
I do wish I could talk to her about things on our past relationship that I know I would change if I had a second chance but I know I cant bring that up yet with her but I would like to do it one day if we were to get back together.
It’s difficult. My Ex defo has her guard up with me. I ended our relationship and I think it came as a total shock to her. Not sure if she has ever been dumped before and I know that it hurt her a lot but it was never my intention to lose her, I was simply hoping that she would ease the fears that I was having at the time. So my Ex is certainly guarded and seems to love and hate the fact that up until now I have always been able to at least partly break down her defenses. Texting when you are on these terms can be a bloody minefield!