My ex split with me a month ago, she suffers with anxiety and depression and we were together 19 months, the first 12 were the best of my life. We met as our children went to the same school and there was a spark between us when we saw each other at the kids parties etc.
Her son who is 8 stopped seeing his dad august last year and we literally had one night alone between then and March this year, I slowly started to feel down and stopped going to see her as much and this eventually caused loss of intimacy etc and we became distant. We were even messaging the days before saying stuff like I cant wait to see you tonight and I love you lots etc, then on the night of the split we were lying in bed at 11.30pm and she burst out crying saying this is not working, we cuddled all night then I left and that was it.
I have been messaging, not so much pleading but agreeing that things weren’t right and I had become unsupportive etc but she is adamant its over. I spoke to her for the first time last week and she cried on the phone saying why didn’t you open up sooner and also saying some weird reasons for breaking up going back to an off the cuff remark she made to me at a restaurant 2 months into the relationship which I cant even remember. One minute she blames me, then she says shes a bad girlfriend and why do I want to be with her. My mum messaged her to wish her happy mothers day on the 31st March and she said its sad that things weren’t right for us in the end.
I’m totally at a loss as to where her heads at because she still cares and knows we had something special as she has admitted that, its like its easier for her to just give up as its the best decision for her mental health I think?
I have now gone no contact for 5 days and i’m finding it easier than I thought, its still hard but i’d love to hear peoples opinions on my situation
“…she is adamant its over.” “…this is not working”. As long as she feels that way, there’s not much you can do.
The first year of most relationships are great, but sooner or later issues arise. She has an issue with anxiety and depression therefore, she isn’t a good bet for a happy stable relationship. Maybe she also hold resentments and grudges (regarding the remark at the restaurant).
Until she gets professional help with her problems, they won’t magically go away and life with her would be unsteady and perhaps a negative influence on the children (hers & yours).
I suggest you continue no contact and consider whether trying to reconcile would be in your best interest.
It’s my own fault for not opening up about how I was feeling and letting us drift apart slowly, hindsight and all that I would of done things differently. Shes very stubborn to and once she makes a decision she sticks to it.
She wants us to be friends in the future and the kids want to see each other still so I think I’ll continue with no contact till my heads in a better place.
To be honest it would be stupid to get back together as it was as nothing has changed so time apart and then seeing each other with the kids as friends is probably a better way to go anyway
Better yet would be to let the children see each other in school. And find someone else to date that’s not affiliated with the school.
Hi Everyone, I’m new here. I would really appreciate if i could get some advice as i am really stuck on what to do. My ex and i dated for 5years. Towards the end of the relationship we started arguing alot and he broke up with me.(last year July 2018) I begged and pleaded for 5months for him to reconsider, we could settle our differences and wax stronger. But he the relationship had been too toxic and space was needed to get better. Eventually i let him be and the 6th month he came back. He’s been struggling with depression alot lately. He used to be a smoker but stopped when we started dating (i never asked him to by the way). When we got back together i realized he went back to smoking, alot of it too.