NC rule and ex is sick and having surgery

no-contact-rule
1

Been married for 7 years, it was going well until she had her colon issues and had to go on a Colon bag.

She broke up with me on a Dear John letter in March or so. Her surgery is next week and I don’t know if I should start the NC during her recovery to reattach her colon.

Known her for 22 years, dated off and on for 12 years and married 7 years ago.

We are in our 40’s, no kids, I’m retired military and she is a dietitian. What makes our situation trully unique is that I am American and she is from Hungary. She returned to Hungary and now I moved here to live and work here also.

So my question is yes, we have been talking but I broke all of the rules in the beginning from the begging and all of the 9 yards.

I am in good contact with her relatives who I can say the relationship is good.

I’ve done a lot of changes in my life due to my military career, I’ve made POSITIVE changes, went back to old hobbies I enjoyed instead of military related. Mainly, I’m back to pre-9/11 self with lots of outdoors, arts, and other hobbies that made me happy before I joined the military.

So what is the suggestion?

Should I be there for her during her surgery and recovery or start the NC rule?

I appreciate any and all advice and I thank you.

2

Yes, be there for the surgery and recovery to show your support and love. I’m assuming she wrote the Dear John letter because you no longer live together, otherwise, she would have said something in person. I’m sorry for your situation, but what she wrote in the letter probably reveals why she broke up with you. If you want to get back together, think about what she wrote and make any improvements necessary. It could also be that she has a negative impression of her body image now and doesn’t think she is attractive for you. The main thing is to be there for her now in her time of great need. She will appreciate it…

3

The letter stated that her health and depression effects her and she wants to leave me and she wants me to find someone else.

She posted a lot of negative stuff about me and she was right.

I was greedy and egoistic and doing things that didn’t maker her happy.

I will be there for her.

She really doesn’t want anyone in the hospital but I will be there despite her wishes.

4

well I visited the ex and she said she didn’t like it and she found someone else.
Her surgery was today and I visited by a surprise.

I guess the NC should start now I suppose?

5

Maybe she didn’t like you showing up, but it was a sweet kind thing to do. It’s amazing to me that she already found someone after only three months since the break up. Are you legally divorced or separated? Probably a good idea to start no contact and continue improving yourself in ways that would please a woman, either her or someone else in the future. Improving yourself also help with your own self image and confidence. Wishing you well…

6

we are separated and she wants a divorce but the divorce makes her lose her green card as I sponsored her for the card.

We applied for an overseas extension for her visa so she can be out of the country without losing her green card.

She is having 2nd thoughts about divorcing me.

I met the boyfriend and I was nice like Kevin says to be.

I am doing the 5 steps, I changed a lot in my life like a lot of negative influences, going to the gym alot. Eating healthy and trying to work and live in Hungary.

She is recovering in hospital and will be there for a while.

Operation just happened this morning and she wrote a long message to move on and leave me alone.

So I will do the NC for now for 30 days but my guess is she will contact me for the green card news and the extension.

I want to get back together with her and we had a lot of great times and as always some sad times, but I will strive to be a better person after this 30 days.

thank god for friends and family as I’m up and down hurting and full of hope.

Should I tell her no more contact or just say nothing.

7

If you’re both in Hungary and that’s her home country, why would she need a visa or green card? Aren’t you the one who needs a visa or green card going from the US to live and work in Hungary? Sorry, a little confused as I’ve never traveled outside the United States. Did she say she’s having second thoughts of divorcing you and what’s the reason? Do you have family in Hungary? Since she’s the one who told you to move on and leave her alone, you could probably do no contact without telling her. I can image how hurt you must be after knowing her so many years, then the marriage, and now separated, possibly facing divorce. Hang in there and don’t give up yet. You have a lot of history together and if there were more good times than bad, you probably have a good chance to reunite, especially if she lets go of the boyfriend and doesn’t get too attached to him…

8

our intention was to settle and live in the states but due to her illness and that her degree wasn’t good in the states she go distraught about it.
A solution was school for one year for her degree costing 42k usd. It was alot but I was willing to do it for her.
It was alot of other stuff but mainly is thst she didn’t like the back and forth we were doing from the states and Hungary.
Im half Hungarian so I can live and work here with no issues at all.

I have hope and faith and won’t give up but really hurting but remaining positive and keeping busy.

thank you for anyone reading and responding , I appreciate it very much.