I have been seeing a man from work for about a year. He broke up with me last night. It was not totally unexpected. I planned to go NC but he texted me this morning using a pet name saying that he hoped that I slept OK. I called him on the use of the pet name since he had just broke things off. He responded that he says good morning to all of his female friends that way (which is true). I told him that I did’t want to be just one of those friends and that if we weren’t going to be together that I needed some space and not to text me anymore. I didn’t say anything about giving me time, though I did mention something last night. So hopefully it wasn’t to abrupt.
Unfortunately he and I work in the same room pretty closely so the NC is going to be extremely difficult to pull off. I’m hoping I can keep the conversation strictly professional in the next month so that when I do text him it will have some impact.
He’s probably ticked at me for going NC though. He had been relying on me for some help with transportation (he doesn’t drive) and other things, and mentioned last night that he might still ask me for help. I told him I didn’t think I could for awhile. He feels that if I were a true friend that I would still be there for him even if we aren’t together. That’s when I told him I needed time.
There are some co-dependency issues here and I really do want to use NC as a time to see if it’s even worth trying to get back together with him.
Hmm this is a difficult situation, I wouldn’t be able to hold NC under these circumstances. You have to try ignoring him, only then will he get the hint. And if you do have conversations with him make sure to keep it strictly business and never talk about the relationship.Good Luck.
Yeah it’s going to be hard. He texted me again today. This time it was just a simple good morning. I ignored it. I’m not surprised he texted me. I think he’s trying to keep me around but on his own terms. I have caved way too many times before and I’m not doing it this time because we will just keep repeating these patterns. I need this NC time.
Today was hard. It was the first time I saw my ex since the breakup. We kept our distance as much as possible but it was so hard being in such close proximity. But no texts this morning so that’s a good thing. I miss the texts but this is the way it has to be.
I’m not having a good night. I want him back but not the way things were. So really do I want him back? It doesn’t make sense.
I am doing some things this week to work on myself. Tomorrow I am going to see a therapist. It’s a huge step and something I should have done a long time ago. I don’t want to be in another codependent relationship.
And I’m getting my hair cut. He liked my hair long. I do too, kinda, but it’s also a pain. I’m not getting a super short cut, just short enough to be more manageable. The only thing is that because we work together he will notice immediately and know that I’m getting it cut because we are no longer together. I don’t want it to come off like I’m doing it to spite him. There’s just no reason for me to keep it long at this point. It is what it is.
I’ve been snippy with my children tonight. I can not let my frustration affect my kids.
I don’t know if anyone is reading this but it feels good to write some of this stuff down.
Frankly, sometimes I think people should deal with each others problems instead of our own would be simpler without the emotional involvement. I want to advice something which is going to sound selfish . Was he thinking of your problems and what you would be going through when he broke up with you? He should have thought of the transportation thing beforehand ! and rest of the things ! and he should not be expecting you to step up and help on those after he hurt you … everything has repercussions. I know you are hurting a lot. I can’t tell you it will be okay, because I am suffering more everyday, all I can say is, you will get used to it after a while. NC is a good idea here. If he has genuine feelings for you, I pray and hope he finds his way back to you . Keep the chin up Keep believing !
Thank you for your reply.
I don’t know if he realizes or even cares how selfish he is being. I think part of it is his background - he is used to people always helping each other out if they can, like it’s just expected. And really that kind of thinking is hard to argue with - we should help each other if we can. However it’s also subtle manipulation, as in if I don’t help him then there is something wrong with me as a person. Yet if I do help him then he says I’m the one manipulating him because I’ll want something in return. So I can’t win.
It’s not all his fault. By helping him I made him somewhat dependent on me. The problem was that I wanted more of a cOmittment then he did and so the assistance made him uncomfortable. I felt he was using me though I never told him that. Of course if he made better choices he wouldn’t need my help in the first place, but that’s another topic.
would be simpler without the emotional involvement. I want to advice something which is going to sound selfish . Was he thinking of your problems and what you would be going through when he broke up with you? He should have thought of the transportation thing beforehand ! and rest of the things ! and he should not be expecting you to step up and help on those after he hurt you … everything has repercussions. I know you are hurting a lot. I can’t tell you it will be okay, because I am suffering more everyday, all I can say is, you will get used to it after a while. NC is a good idea here. If he has genuine feelings for you, I pray and hope he finds his way back to you . Keep the chin up 
Keep believing !