I was mostly the one to do impulsive things in our relationship I was not scared to face problems head on. He was the opposite a little coward I guess. Yeah I think it makes sense maybe they are scared to reach out because they have hurt us.
It’s just that most of the getting back together sucess story have been away for years. While those that get back within months do fail again I wonder why.
I think that’s most likely it if anything (if they still have feelings for us) because as non-confrontational as they are, it must’ve taken a lot for them to have the courage to do what they think is right for them. Sadly we got hurt in the process and that’s probably what they are afraid of, our reaction.
I’m sure because one thing they had plenty of time to work on themselves within that yearly or so time frame and they have probably been out and been with others and realized they missed that one person, as far as the months time line goes I’m sure some do work out it just requires effort from both sides.
I was told something earlier today by a customer who visited my work place and what he said kind of opened my eyes. We were talking about relationships for some reason (he’s a wise old man) and he said, “listen, i have been through 2 marriages already. the first divorce hurt like hell, but if you learn to love yourself then nothing will ever be able to hurt you again. Nobody is worth going crazy over, self love is the best love you can ever have.” It made me think that maybe i do have a problem within myself, that’s how I’ve gotten to this point, that’s probably why my ex left as well because if i can’t view myself as worth anything how can i expect her to? It’s still a sad situation we are both in but hearing those words made me feel a little better even hopeful (i didn’t even tell him anything that was going on in my life, he could just tell by my face i guess).
How can we do that @NLSad I am all up for it maybe in a few months time if I learn how to love myself everything will feel better even though I am smile there is a hollow pain in my chest.
Well i mean that is what NC is for. There are a lot of things that i don’t like about myself so the best thing to do is to try to fix those things. Not only that but if you’re out there enjoying life then I’m sure that you’ll feel much better as well, which is what i am going to try and figure out.
Hey I don’t actually know but here in my country it is already Christmas Eve. So I wanna greet you a Merry Christmas! ? Even tho I don’t know you personally you have been a great help to me more so than my friends here I wanna thank you for your advice and calming presence.
He didn’t greet me I am thinking if I should.
It is Christmas Eve for me as well. I’m in the US. But Meery Christmas to you as well and hopefully things will go well for us.
Like i said this choice is up to you but if you do message him it may just push him back further. But who knows.
I think he wanted me to greet him he unblocked his my day and let me view it. But I didn’t take the bait I viewed his my day and didn’t greet him happy holidays then after 3 hours he blocked his my day from me again. Yess so silly but that’s my update. Had fun drinking with my friends.
That sounds like progress to me, and it’s good that you remained strong. I’m fighting back the temptation to text my ex as well. At least you got a reaction, I’m still dealing with a whole lot of nothing. Tbh I’m getting tired of feeling like upset when I’ve done nothing wrong. I have a feeling that I’m going to become numb to all of this and when she does finally reach out I may even become cold to her. I’m glad you went out and had fun.
Hey no updates from me yet or anything other than keeping my NC and i did not break under pressure but just checking up on you. Hopefully you were able to keep your NC as well. Think of it as a test if your own resolve that you are willing to go through something difficult to reach your goal. That’s what I am doing, even though they did not text us today that does not mean they aren’t thinking about us or missing us. Think of them not messaging us as giving us a happy time with our families and friends. Sometimes they may just message us for the holidays but that’s what FRIENDS do and we are not trying to be their friend, never settle for less. Keep up your NC because brighter days will be coming to us eventually.
Hello my good friend. No updates as well he didn’t reach out for Christmas. I also didn’t I actually didn’t feel any temptation to contact him. You actually help me keep my resolve firm with your words you are like my own coach hahahahaha.
Remember when I said someone talk to me at the party well He also broke up with his gf of 3 years in the past and now he regrets it two years later. I am trying to make him do a move to get his ex back.
I was tempted yesterday but i had to keep NC because i cannot let her know she still has me pretty much wrapped around her finger. It’s really hard but we can do it. Well i mean i help you and you help me right? Haha the system is working better with someone helping you keep it up much rather than having to go through it alone.
See there’s another person who gives you hope as well. Sure it’s been two years but feelings don’t die that easily, I’m hoping the same applies to me as well. For him it should be easier because he is the dumper, so all he has to do is reach out to her, but because it has been two years chances are she may have moved on (the ex i broke up with moved on already as well after two years). There’s still hope for him though because the feelings should still be there but in order for him to reignite that spark he’s going to have to put in a lot of effort. The problem with being the dumper is that once you hurt someone and damage that trust it takes time to rebuild it up, time apart may have made her feel better about herself so if he’s going to try to get her back he has to be prepared to prove that he really wants his ex back. It’s easy to love someone but trust is way harder to build, circumstances of his breakup may play a role in him trying to get her back as well. As long as he didn’t lie, or was unfaithful (which is the hardest thing to recover from) and it was mutual or so then he may still have a shot. I’ve been the dumper on a couple of occasions already and i know what’s possible or impossible as far as being on the dumpers end goes. That’s why i know if your ex cares about you and you give him space he will return on his own, because i had another ex that i dumped and she would always try to contact me and invite me out to eat and everything and i found her very annoying and so now i haven’t talked to her in two whole years but i know she stalks my social media. Being the one dumped by someone i actually cared about is new to me however, when i was dumped before i had already stopped trying or caring at that point so that’s why this time is different for me.
Coach, My 30 days NC is ending tomorrow do you think I should reach out?
Well it depends, how do you feel about reaching out? (Obviously you want to) do you feel ready? Do you feel more confident in yourself? Do you feel like you have nothing to lose if you reached out to him? Do you feel like if he does reject you (not saying he will) will you be able to push forward in life without him? Like I was saying before the timeline is all dependent on you. If you feel like you’ve improved and you’re confident that no matter what happens you’ll be ok with the outcome then you should reach out. For me 30 days is too short because it’s been 3 weeks for me since i last contacted my ex and i still feel like shit most days. I have definitely not improved, that and i do still fear the possibility of her rejecting me. Time makes everything better, makes everything clear so if you feel you should reach out then do it. I do feel like you should let him be the one to reach out to you because he is the one that hurt you. Remember you owe him absolutely nothing, he owes you an apology first of all which will happen but he needs to realize what he’s done for himself first. If he is still being petty through social media then i feel like he has not fully realized his mistake, if your mutual friends hasn’t mentioned anything about him missing you or something to you then i say give it more time. I know it’s a hard decision but it’s all totally up to you. If you decide to reach out and you feel like that’s the best decision for you then I’ll support your decision and will still message you back and forth to help you further if you want. I have another 6 weeks to go and i know it’ll be hell but I’m going to have to do it because i know I’m not ready, that i owe her nothing, that she needs to be the one to realize what she did to me. My ex needs to be the one to feel the loss, by the end of the 6 weeks I’m hoping that I’ll feel much better and no matter the outcome I’ll be ok.
The fact that I am asking you is a sign that I am not ready yet. I believe so too that he should be the one to reach out first he needs to be sorry for announcing it to everyone and making me look ignorant. For now I should improve myself and I need to learn that happiness is a feeling only I can give myself. I think I’ll do NC for a few months actually.
You have to be certain that it is the right move for you to make. Me, i know if i reached out then a disaster would happen and i would blow it. The main reason why is because if you approach them when they are not ready (or you’re not ready) then it’ll be an awkward situation that will not be able to change no matter how hard you try. Everything will feel forced and it may drive them back further. I feel like the more time we give them the better our chances will be for when we are ready. All it will take is for them to approach us and say hi first and if that’s the case it will be easier for us to talk to them because it lets us know that they are ready. I will probably try again in 6-8 more weeks and if I’m too late then i can’t do anything about it but i will feel better.
You know you seem to have more hope than me in my situation. Meanwhile I still believe that it will work out for you.
I’m not sure why you wouldn’t have much hope in you’re situation. Because you’re getting a reaction out of him and because he went as far as to block you from viewing his story or something then that shows that You’re affecting him enough to do all that, I’m sure he will contact you but you just got to be patient. Not sure how you would think i still have a chance when I’ve gotten no reaction or anything really. All i have is hope to rely on and that’s it.
Maybe I should not check his social media anymore I don’t know why but it hurts me. He unhide his myday from me this day but I didn’t watch it. It hurts me that in our two year relationship he never post this much yet in the two months we have been over he keeps posting about everything. I am a big movie enthusiast I love films and now he seems to post more about films.
Let’s hold on to that hope my coach.
I agree with you on that, checking/stalking your ex’s social media will only drive you mad and we aren’t trying to do that. I was thinking about going ghost on social media as well so that i don’t have to deal with any of that. It doesn’t help us with the healing just makes us more obsessed if anything. The reason why it hurts is because we are used to having our ex’s around, we are used to knowing what they are up to. Now that we are not with them anymore we no longer know what exactly they are up to, feeling, or thinking and it hurts because we wonder if they feel the same way about us. Him posting about films may not be a clear definitive sign of anything so try not to look too much into posts like that.