So I’ve posted here before but i’ll give an overall summary of the situation and a little update…
MY ex and I were together for 5 years… We then got engaged. We started to argue DAILY over the most silly stupid things. Many of those argument I admit to have started.He kept telling me he needed me to stop the arguments because he didn’t want to lose me but he just couldn’t do it anymore. Long story short, arguments continued and at one point I gave him back the ring, which for him according to him it made it clear i didn’t want this. But i did I just felt a ring represents a commitment and at that point we didn’t even know where we were heading so it was cynical to wear a ring, when the symbol doesn’t stand. Thus happened mid-end august ( it was the last time we saw each other)… He continued to reach out wanting to be friends, I declined it because I felt we couldn’t be friends for god sakes we were engaged and are still in love! I later saw picture of him on a trip with this female who he swears its just a friend and there were other people on the trip, but it still hurt me a lot. He begun to message me non-stop and call because he was “hurt” that I was hurt when he had nothing with that girl,etc. This all happened in Octoberish. November he messages me telling me he loves me and will always love me.
Then the month of December, I start getting this late text saying " I’m never going to get over you" " Maybe we were be together if we are meant to be" " we can make it work if we both tried". He began to talk about getting or seeing if this could work again. But then we began arguing because he wanted to start as friends and build our way up, while I felt like well lets get back as a couple and work on things. So that just blew things up again. Approximately 2 weeks later he sent me the SAME speech he told me in August when we broke up talking about " we aren’t working out,etc" it was literally saying the SAME thing he said 6 months ago when he broke up with me. and again insisting that we stay friends, and I declined it. When I declined it he got mad and said “Fine. I’m not fighting for a friendship. You don’t even allow me to be close to you as friends to mend whatever could be mended” (what did he mean by this?!)
Now it’s February it’s officially when 22 days with NC. I am having a hard time not being in communication with him and its driving me nuts. In 2 months, we went from talking daily about getting back to NC. His bday is in a month and I do plan on saying HBD, but I just wished he would message me before that.
Hi LAdie, Most people have enough anxiety and stress related to their job etc… and the last thing we want is more added stress in a relationship. Most men run from a relationship that isn’t happy. I don’t mean there won’t be difficult situations at times, but if there is much more negative than positive, it’s too much to endure and he even said he just couldn’t do it anymore. Sounds like he loves you, but wanted to get away from the stress of continuous arguments and I’m sure you were both unhappy. He decided you two were not compatible and needed time to calm down. He wants to try and sort things out with you, but he’s afraid it will end up in unhappiness with lots of arguments again and that’s the reason he wants to start slow and be friends. He wants the lady back that he fell in love with 5 years ago before so many disagreements began. If you two can calmly discuss only the important issues in your relationship and resolve them to make things better for each other, there’s a good chance you could be happier than ever before. Don’t harp about petty things. Don’t get jealous at the drop of a hat. Remember, you both want a happy loving relationship.
My fear is that we stay friend and move on to other people. Truth is if he gets in another relationship no girl is going to be ok with him being close to his ex-fiance and the same for me. I explained this to him and his response is " if a girl’s going to be with me she’s going to have to deal with it. You are my best friend and always will be" I just don’t want it to get to that point for one of us to have to cut the other off of our lives because then it becomes much more painful.
Part of me feels like if we are friends and we hang out and enjoy ourselves he will want this again. I felt like he was finally getting to the point of saying “yes lets get back” and he took a step back. Granted it was because I again started wanting to rush things. But now he is in the " we don’t work out" position, where he was when we broke up. So do you think he will ever make it back around to want to get back?
My fear is that we stay friend and move on to other people. Truth is if he gets in another relationship no girl is going to be ok with him being close to his ex-fiance and the same for me. I explained this to him and his response is ” if a girl’s going to be with me she’s going to have to deal with it. You are my best friend and always will be” I just don’t want it to get to that point for one of us to have to cut the other off of our lives because then it becomes much more painful.
Part of me feels like if we are friends and we hang out and enjoy ourselves he will want this again. I felt like he was finally getting to the point of saying “yes lets get back” and he took a step back. Granted it was because I again started wanting to rush things. But now he is in the ” we don’t work out” position, where he was when we broke up. So do you think he will ever make it back around to want to get back?
Yes, agree to be friends and go out together. But don’t continue like you’re in the same relationship. He wants to get away from the constant arguing and he’s looking for comfort and happiness. Think of it as a new relationship and make it better than it was before. Enjoy every moment together, have fun and don’t rush things or think about the future. Maybe he is young and hasn’t gone out with many other girls, I don’t know, but he might be curious to see if he can find someone more compatible, less argumentative. He doesn’t want to be miserable, he wants to be happy in a relationship. If he goes out with someone else, but you make him happier, he will choose you to be with. True love is two people who are best friends, lovers, get along well together, and are extremely happy to be with each other. Happiness is the key.
I’m starting to lose hope though. Last time we spoke was 28 days ago. We had an argument over him thinking this wouldn’t work and wanting to friends. On the other hand, it was me fighting back saying no we can’t and he just didn’t care enough to make this work. I stopped replying to his messages. Now it’s 28 days later and I haven’t heard from him. We’ve already been broken up for 7 months (even though lots have happened and we have been in communication those 7 months and during this time he spoke about getting back at some point) but maybe now he is done.
Oh no, even the last conversation was another argument. As hard as it will be, you need to stop all contact. No phone calls, emailing or sending texts! The needy non-compatible you is still very fresh in his mind. Every time he sees it’s you who is sending an email etc … it keeps reminding him of the difficult relationship he’s trying to get away from. You want the bad memories to fade so he can breathe and remember more of the good, and that takes time.
So after 33 days of NC, I messaged him. I just said " I hope you are ok and things are going well for you" and he replied saying " hey I hope you are doing good and your family" and that was the end of our conversation.
Hmmmm false friendship. Not exactly a good method. Don’t you do that you become an option. Well first of I would like to ask is what do you want from him?