My GF and I split at the end of December. I didn’t continuously beg and plead after she broke up with me. I did ask her to give me another chance and she just thought it was the best thing to do at the time. The beginning/middle of our relationship was perfect. Towards the end of the relationship, I started becoming depressed, anxious, jealous, and needy. She was going through a big transformation in her life to starting a job and going back to school. I think that this is what started everything since the time I did have with her decreased substantially. I was in a bad state where I even said to her I don’t know if I can do this anymore. She refused to break up with me but eventually after me saying to her again ‘I just don’t know if I can do this’ she pulled the trigger and broke up with me. I was too much of a coward to break up with her because of the fear of loss (which I know now is just not healthy).
Her and I ended on good terms. We have no hard feelings towards each other. She has mentioned after that she doesn’t know what the future holds for us in regards of getting back together. I think overall our circumstances were causing issues. She was stressed with work, school, and me. I was stressed because I became depressed, anxious, and a needy person. This pushed her away and now that she’s gone and I’ve had time to process everything, I want her back.
She wished me a Happy New Year after the break up. I replied HNY back. A little more than a week later, SHE mentioned doing no contact for a month, but at the time I had no idea what that was and what the purpose of it entailed. I called her a week later to ask about her and see what was going on. She was very receptive (like I said, we didn’t end things bad at all and she even says she prays at night for me…It was just bad timing towards the end). We talked briefly and that was it. However, now I know this was breaking the no contact rule. A few weeks after that we agreed to exchang stuff in person and she mentioned we could be friends, we both need some time to heal first.
I said to her ‘I do want to be friends and If you think the one month no communication is the best way for that to happen, I’m all for it.’
She said, ‘I think the one month at least thing is definitely a good idea. I do think that if there is any chance of us being friends at all in the future then we need at least a month if not more of no communication.’
I didn’t reply to this text because I knew right then and there this was my best opportunity to start NC. A few days ago her and her mom reached out just to wish me Happy Birthday and I replied (because I’m not an a$$) and said ‘thank you (:’ Her friends still follow me and like my posts. Nothing indicates a bad break up or hatred of any kind.
Since we broke up a little over a month ago, I’ve changed my life around. I haven’t been sitting here on the couch all day crying and eating sh** food. I’ve been in the gym 5 days a week, I’m eating healthy, hanging out with friends/family, took up new hobbies, been on anxiety medicine, seeing a therapist, went skydiving, have been genuinely happy again, positive, optimistic, etc. I’m taking the right steps to become a better, happier me for me. I do however want to showcase these changes to her in person but I know I have to go through NC first.
Some articles online say ‘DONT BE FRIENDS’ with your ex. However, other articles online say that one of the best ways to re-attract your ex after no contact is to be friends, act like you don’t care they broke up with you, don’t be the needy person you were, be confident, positive, and she will pick up on the changes. You can’t tell a person you’ve changed and have them believe you. After her mentioning she doesn’t know what the future has for us BUT indeed wanting to be friends first, I think this is the best thing for me to do. I have to go off of what she said and respect this.
What I can’t get my head around still is how is this time a part suppose to make her miss me? While staying super busy and being active through the day, I think about her a lot. I truly want to be with this person again because what we had was great, we both just needed a little time a part to work on ourselves. Since she broke up with me, should I expect her to break NC? Will she move on and forget about me? I don’t get how no contact is suppose to make her miss me. I’m thinking to myself this is the best way for her to move on and forget about me. I plan on sticking to NC since this is probably my last and only opportunity at getting her back. I’m more just afraid in the sense that after these 30 days, she won’t want anything. By me not reaching out and remaining silent, does this really make an ex want to come back?
I appreciate all comments and advice regarding my situation in advanced!
Also should mention she is best friends with my sister. This is how we met. Her and I are both in my sister’s wedding at the end of May so regardless i will be seeing her again. She also has not removed any of our pics on FB which really isn’t anything crazy just letting this forum know.