So I did a few weeks of NC which did wonders to me. My ex was constantly texting me but I basically ignored it. Just a little background we were together for about 3 years, she moved aboard a few months ago and were doing long distance. We actually had an excellent relationship and she just broke up out of the blue saying she doesnt love me anymore. Nothing else really. I can provide more detail if needed.
Anyway she started to become kind of pushy and today I finally decided I’d have a little a text conversation with her. One thing lead to another this is basically what her message was: She wants to talk (skype) again basically on a regular basis because she misses talking to me. According to her, I’m the only person that really gets her and the only person in her life she doesnt need to put some sort of facade on for and she misses that. She said that we are total insync with one another and thats why she misses it. Additionally, she added doesnt think she’ll find anyone else with whom she can do all the things we did together etc. Naturally, I agreed with her. However, she also states that she is happy (and insinuating she doesnt regret breaking up) and “at peace”.
So I’m still a little bit on the fence whether or not I should really entertain her wish to speak again on a regular basis since i’m weary that it would make her comfortable just being friends but on the other hand I can’t help but think that maybe it would be the start of a false friendship? Opinions guys?
no one?
It is really up to whether you can handle it or not. I cannot handle the false friendship. I wish I could but I can’t normally. So, give it a try if you can handle it.
I agree with sunshine if you could handel the false friendship go for it, thing being you may fine yourself stuck there. :-/ good luck.
hi ,
ask her what mistake you done. and try to change it and ask for a chance but don’t beg for relationship it won’t work. so go for false friendship. you will defently get a result. and she will be back yours.
thanks for the responses guys. I’m wondering what she is hinting at though. Is she just hinting at friendship or in the bigger picture does it sound like she is open to coming back into the relationship? I couldnt judge.
Hmm… The fact that you are the only one for her with whom she can really share all her thoughts (at least this is what I read from “total insync”), certainly works for you. Whether to go for a false friendship or continue NC is indeed a hard question. As others said, there is a big risk of getting stuck as friends. Maybe she would be completely fine with being friends with you and dating others in the meantime. (Hope not!) A book suggests to make yourself scarce while being false friends. It goes somehow like this: you accept her friendship, talk to her, make her comfortable in the situation, but for only a short time. Then she will be regularly looking for you, but then you start being less and less available. She will miss you. Then you ask her out for a date (you don’t actually need to declare it as a date), and make your move… Fingers crossed!
I’m in a somewhat similar situation, by the way – we really understood each other well with my ex, we shared all our thoughts with each other (until she drifted), and probably this is why she wanted to stay friends with me. At that point she naively believed it works just like that. But unlike your case, my ex unfortunately weren’t been chasing me – I don’t even understand how could she bear my absence when previously we were sharing everything with each other and talked through everything.
Thanks torma! I read through Relationship Rewind and decided that I will try a false friendship since it does make sense to try if you play your cards right. I actually also like the idea of being the for a short while and then kind of getting more quiet. Good tip.
So we have been writing for a couple of days now fairly casually (though I get this small sense of ‘tension’ in the sense of awkwardness I guess). All of a sudden she just stopped answering… thoughts? I feel like I have read about when that happens but what does it mean?
nvm false alarm she answered and even then randomly sent a photo of us on our last vacation in paris! Cant be that bad then.
So this is super interesting and I WOULD LOVE some takes on this: I had a conversation with her about dating. She was basically saying how shes playing the field and learning what other people see in a relationship and dating. All in all she says that she finds it sad the way people approach relationships but she is happy that she is learning for herself what she wants in a relationship and what she doesnt; what is worth spending time on and what isnt. She does acknowledge that we obviously had a very unique relationship but never ever mentioned us as a measurement stick for dating. I couldnt tell but the vibe to me was that she is trying to find a new to get serious with, no indication that that could be me though… any thoughts?
Well, you’re definitely in a false friendship now… So if she’s dating, and apparently she likes you very much, why would she not date you?.. If you could somehow overcome the distance and meet her, you could probably have a successful date with her. I don’t know if it’s possible, and there are odds that you wouldn’t succeed.
You can still try how she reacts if you start to become scarce.
I’m not a relationship expert (since apparently I ruined mine also :P), so don’t give much weight on my words. I only tell my humble opinions, so beware before taking my advice.
So I tricked her into answer a few questions: according to her she has had to think of us and our relationship and more and more lately and according to her makes “hate” the dating she is doing and perceive it as a waste of time. Also she told me that I’m still the most important person in her life followed by a <3.
Strange this is killing me haha.
I’m gonna try using the Relationship Rewind techniques from here. I’ll keep updating if it works.
Hmm… It seems like she’s playing with you… It’s not necessarily a bad thing. Maybe she’s considering to get back with you. If the situation won’t get better shortly, you could try to make scarcity. Good luck!
If you find my comments useful, you could give me your insights on my struggles, if you feel like to.
Jbarber 23 you gave me some great advice a few weeks back about my ex possibly being in a rebound relationship but he hasn’t posted any more pictures with her since Halloween or like made it official on Facebook and I have no idea if they’re just friends but I know he’s still talking to her and it’s been a little over a month we still haven’t like had a conversation he’s just texted me twice (once asking why I deleted him on social networks the next asking why I re added him). We still don’t follow each other on Instagram but he liked my Instagram picture from 4 months ago the other day and then unliked it so I know he’s creeping on me (not sure what that means either) but this girl likes all his pictures and I haven’t had any of my friends tell me his best friends on snapchat but she was his best friend a few weeks back and I’m pretty sure she still is. What worries me is its been over a month and this girl is still in his life and it makes me scared that now it could turn into something because he’s waited. Im sorry this is like weird that I’m posting on your thing but you’ve just given me really good advice on this so please help!