NC - 6 weeks in

Breakup Help no-contact-rule
1

I’ll try to keep it as short as possible.

We dated for 6 years, the last year, after graduating med school, we moved in together. We were already planning our future, shopping for rings, etc etc.

During this period I got into a period of major depression due to problems in my family and she started a PhD which caused her an absurd amount of stress which she refused to attribute to her work.

These things combined was too much for her and one day she plainly stated she’s moving out, 2 weeks later she had left and a week after that she casually mentioned she went on a date, because she doesn’t see us having a future.

We tried staying friends, but she saw how much I was hurting and I didn’t really show my best side during this period, so she asked for 6 months of no contact. Now, at this point I didn’t know what NC really was and what periods are normal, but I was a broken shell of a man and agreed, thinking if there is even a slim chance, it’s better than nothing.

Now, 10 weeks after breaking up and 6 weeks of NC, what a change. I’ve lost 30 pounds, planning to lose 50 more, reconnected with friends, dropped bad habits, got out of my depression, started working out, making improvements at work and people are saying I am more positive and energetic than they’ve ever seen me. I even got a date coming up this week.

But the fact remains, I want her back. I don’t feel as if my life will collapse if I’m not with her, like before. But I truly love her and know my life would be better with her in it and I truly did make her happy before all went to shit. I didn’t behave like the man she deserved, hell the last months I didn’t behave like a man at all.

Now after reading about it more, I find 6 months to be too long. The odds of her not just having a rebound but actually falling for someone are too great to ignore. I’m willing to wait 3-4 months max to get into even better shape, but not more than that.

Would it better to still wait out the whole 6 months at that point, or is there a way to break NC without it blowing up in my face?

2

Since she requested 6 months of no contact, it would be best to honor that request. She said she doesn’t see a future with you and I know that hurts, but maybe she will change her mind down the road. She broke up with you so she has to be the one to reach out if she wants to talk through some things. After no contact, you could let her know the improvements you’ve made. But don’t live on hope or obsess on it. Live your life and meet other women.

3

I think 6 months is too long too. I know people say you need to let the other person miss you but it’s also a balancing act out of sight can also mean out of mind. It sounds like you are in a good place at the moment, you want her back but you don’t need her. I think you are ready to reach out :slight_smile:

4

I totally disagree with TigerLily. Your ex requested 6 months no contact and you should honor her request. Sometimes “absence makes the heart grow fonder”.