Your mother and father sound like my wife and I. I try and express my feelings but it is difficult for me. I have scheduled an appointment with a counsellor in two weeks.
The only positive I can see in this whole mess is that she hasn’t completely given up on us but I fear that I am losing her.
Glad you’re going to start therapy…
I think I haven’t built up the connection yet. It was too early to ask her out.
I am working on it.
The key to expressing your feelings is to say what you’re thinking and do it in a nice way.
Maybe too early to ask her out, but now you know what she thinks instead of guessing.
How would you know when you’ve built up a connection?
Honestly I don’t know. I will just keep trying
I just called her and it was definitely not the right time. She had just woken up from a nap and was about to leave to pick up our girl from preschool but we still had a little chat.
I asked her if I could call her later before she goes to work. She asked me if there was anything specific that I wanted to talk about and I said that I just wanted to talk. She then said that she needs space this week because she has a full week of work and she will be tired for most of it plus she has the kids and her mum there. So told her that I understood.
She didn’t say that she does not want to talk just not this week. Next week will be quieter for her.
I can totally understand. Busy with work, kids, and her mother. Maybe try again next weekend or next week. Glad you’re being consistent with your efforts:) She will notice that you’re trying… Hopefully she will reciprocate. Good luck.
I’m not going to try anymore.
Okay, but I hoped you wouldn’t give up so soon after being on friendly terms!
Are you going to file for divorce?
Well in that conversation she kept calling me a nice guy and she’s ready to connect aka date again. Clearly she is not meaning me. I will let her do that and she will find that there are not men like me. I will still be on friendly terms but I won’t actively pursue her. I just can’t hold out hope for something that might not even happen.
In New Zealand we have to be legally separated for two years before we can divorce.
We are finished. We had a productive talk and there is no longer any hope.
I wanted this to be a success story but unfortunately its not.
Thanks for your help everyone.
OMG, I’m so sorry to hear this! I hope you’re still planning on therapy as I think it will help you cope better with the sorrow…
If you don’t mind, can you let us know what she said during the talk and the main reason she doesn’t want to reconcile?
She said it wasn’t me but she just could no longer be married to me anymore. Her mental health was suffering for years and afterwards she began to improve.
I still hurts but I can understand.
Well I don’t understand and it doesn’t make sense to me. It’s not you, but she just doesn’t want to be with you anymore?? It must be for some reason. But I can understand you might be tired of trying and fighting for your marriage for so many years in the past and more recently.
Anyway, I do pray the best for you and your children going forward…
Take good care of yourself!
Sorry to hear that… But I’m starting to believe that there it can’t be a success story no more! If you broke up, it’s over no matter what… Sad but true!!
Take good care buddy
I agree with Patricia.
I would also get tired if I’d have to fight for something that clearly shows me it is a lost cause, but something isn’t exactly right here.
You said her mental health was suffering during your relationship, but it got better when you both went NC. I mean, that’s what NC is for, right? So that you can show her that everything is okay after you changed things about your life and show her that you can date together like you used to, like any other man she can meet now.
I think she’s just scared that things will quickly become painful for her again so I guess the right approach would be to suggest her something like “let’s just try and see how things will go”, but I am not sure.
It’s your call my dude. I hope everything will work out for you anyways. Go to your therapy. It’s going to be alright. I think we’d all appreciate if you’d write an update post in the future on how things are going in your life or if anything significant happened with your relationship with your ex.
Take care, hope you stay on forum as well.
Wow I’m sorry bro. Maybe it’s just not meant to be and if it is, it will be later on. Maybe you just gotta give it a little time. Let her see that she wont find another man like you. It will be hard tho cause she’s not willing to see the improved you.
This really sucks bro, Im really sorry 
Hang in there and look after yourself. Everything will be okay in the end.
She found another guy. I know him too. He has had mental health problems in the past.
Not mental health problems but physical problems. I seriously think it will not last
I hope it won’t last. Maybe she’ll reflect and come to realize how good you were to her:)